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Have you ever been out at a gathering with people you meet for the first time and everyone is getting along well and then someone asks "hey what do you do for a living??"
I find that to be rude. I read that in France you could go to a dinner party every other night with several couples for a year and NO ONE would dare ask what you do for a living. They would ask questions like what book did you read last, Or have you visited the Louve museum or some sort of museum or discuss the arts.
But why do we Americans have the tendency to do this?? I hired someone to do some work for me and that was one of the questions he asked me--I was immediately turned off. My reply was do you base your fee upon occupation??? He was silent. Very evident he didnt like that response. Its as if alot of Americans feel entitled to know what you do for a living as a way to size you up.
So then he says wow I never met someone so secretive about their occupation--Are you a top government official on an assignment. At that point I terminated his contract and taught him a very good lesson in professionalism. You are here to do a job, not attempt to pass judgement or size up your client.
What are your thoughts?? Anyone else find this question rude and annoying??
I think you've got two different situations going on here. In your case, the hired person asking you that question was out of line. In a social situation though, it's thought to be an ice breaker.
You calling yourself a lowlife seems about the worst personal attack I can imagine but hey what do I know?
Aaah, I think I understand. You can point out what you do not like about me as a person but I'm the "BUB" for responding in kind; okie dokie as long as I know the rules.
Coach purses are passé as are D & B's for those in the know, while a rusted out Subaru has a certain genais- c'est-quoi cachet about it, wouldn't you agree?
And yes: I would ask a person driving an older car that's obviously been kept in good shape how he likes it as that is how I roll. Older vehicles are my thing. Lamborghini's ain't, even if I could afford one.
My post never mentioned a Lambo so how did that come up anyway.....er, unless, oh my, it's you that has the lofted proboscis!
I'm all for giving this thread a pass for awhile to let others fulminate if you can agree to that.
You're not the mod. You can quit posting whenever you want, but you can't tell me to do so.
I see you couldn't find any posts where I said anything about people "being "up-tight", "awkward", "ashamed of our jobs" ", eh?
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 12-11-2013 at 07:35 PM..
@ Glitch...Hmm. I think asking boorish questions has become part of our culture. Most people do not follow the rules you state.
Whether or not someone has even heard of Miss Manners or the Posts is interesting in itself, but I do get your point.
it begs the question, "what is our culture, anyway?"
I find many people who ask abut my employment at first meeting, and far fewer ( almost none) who ask about my politics or sexual inclinations.
I enjoy this banter, btw.
I have tendency to avoid people who are rude or boorish. I consider them to be socially inept, and I have no desire to associate myself with them. There is nothing more socially awkward and potentially embarrassing than being with someone who does not know how to conduct themselves in polite company. All my friends (with maybe one exception) understand the meaning of proper decorum. My one friend who may not have been educated in manners (I do not really know, but he has demonstrated no sense of propriety since I have known him) is not someone I will associate with in public.
What part of making "intrusive and personal inquiries" did you not comprehend as being rude and uncouth?
These are very subjective and vague terms. I mean, couldn't one say that asking "Who's your favorite rock band?" is intrusive and personal?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitch
Other topics that are prohibited in polite company, besides personal finances,
We're not talking about finances, but occupation. And we've yet to establish here that being asked what you do for a living is certifiably rude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitch
include politics, religion, and sex.
That's because rather than break the ice, the first two are every bit as likely to cause a dispute and the latter is something you can presume to know why you're being asked about, just out of nowhere. Now, again, maybe you and the OP believe that it's not possible for someone to ask another "What do you for a living?" without it being a way to size that person up financially, but that says more about you than the question we're discussing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitch
But I would not expect you to know that since you clearly were never taught proper decorum and etiquette.
Well that was certainly rude of you! I can tell you one thing, I won't be seeking lessons from you if I ever want to brush up on "decorum and etiquette", that's for sure!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitch
Feel free to ask whatever question appeals to you. Your intrusive and boorish questions will instantly demonstrate that you are someone who is socially inept and not someone who should be around polite company.
...Naaaaah, I agree with northnut. It's those who are offended by truly harmless questions and cannot articulate why without assuming the worst intentions in people they've just met (or haven't met at all, in the case of you and me) who are socially inept.
You're not the mod. You can quit posting whenever you want, but you can't tell me to do so.
Aaah for heaven's sake there you go again, translating " I'm all for giving this a pass........if you can agree to that" into telling you to do something. What parts of making a statement and asking a question is it that has you so totally at odd ends with the rest of the planet?
Forget that; don't answer, as it would only serve to confuse us even further.
Gollllly.....Sheriff Taylor, we're not in Kansas with that pretty girl and her little dog anymore.
Aaah for heaven's sake there you go again, translating " I'm all for giving this a pass........if you can agree to that" into telling you to do something. What parts of making a statement and asking a question is it that has you so totally at odd ends with the rest of the planet?
Forget that; don't answer, as it would only serve to confuse us even further.
Gollllly.....Sheriff Taylor, we're not in Kansas with that pretty girl and her little dog anymore.
Just because you ordered me not to answer, I'm answering. I'm not the one who is confused. Perhaps you are???
I appreciate everyone's point of view on this topic.
It is refreshing to know that i received emails and comments on this topic in my inbox of others saying that Americans are rude and not cultured because we ask inappropriate questions.
Now, I don't feel that all Americans are rude, but why can't we find other ways to connect with others.
For instance, do you travel much?? I love to travel and am very well traveled, but if the person didnt perhaps they may feel bad.
In my next social setting I am going to try what I read about the French and ask about what was the last book that person read to gather more insight, or have they been to the local musuem opposed to asking their occupation or age.
I dont mind if they volunteer that info, or perhaps a discussion related to my line of work comes up and I am asked my professional opinion...I wouldn't flinch in respond.
But I find it inappropriate for someone who is potentially getting hired to do contract work to ask that. If i built a rapport and got a good vibe from the person, perhaps.
But in the middle of getting info about the property and size of things and then after me asking several times of his cost; he didn't answer then asking what do you do for a living. I find it irrelevant.
I did explain to him nicely that it was inappropriate. He agreed and apologized and said his humour and his mouth gets him into trouble. When a person is asked to do a job, they should do just that and be thankful especially in this market that a job was given. His superior agreed with me and knows what I do, and understood my stance on professionalism and agreed that he was young and you don't ask clients what they do for a living. Hey thats my view.
Now don't get me wrong--I dont chop off peoples heads for asking me that. I guess him not telling me the cost of work after being asked several times, I found him to be elusive and intrusive by not answering the question and then wanting to know my occupation. I think those kinds of questions you must warm up to the person first. That is polite and acceptable to do so.
The hole you are digging is quite impressive and the haughty disdain for your fellow man is all too apparent. Try subduing it a bit.
You could wear a sign around your neck warning others to back off and respect your privacy. A T-shirt might work but is unsuitable for one so high on a pedestal in their own mind. You might consider hiring a security detail to ward off the hoards.
You couldn't have just anyone approaching and sending you into the stratosphere with demeaning queries, could you? The old adage "children should be seen and not heard" surely resonates in your head.
A funny thing about travel, it's not for everyone. I am a former military brat and attended 9 different schools before graduating from HS. After college, working at my career and now retired, I am glad to stay home with my dog. I have family all over the states but never long for more international travel.
I have tendency to avoid people who are rude or boorish. I consider them to be socially inept, and I have no desire to associate myself with them. There is nothing more socially awkward and potentially embarrassing than being with someone who does not know how to conduct themselves in polite company. All my friends (with maybe one exception) understand the meaning of proper decorum. My one friend who may not have been educated in manners (I do not really know, but he has demonstrated no sense of propriety since I have known him) is not someone I will associate with in public.
Irony here....Do you ever read your own posts? I think you are one of the rudest posters on CD......By the way I own and operate a commercial fishing corporation that harvests salmon, halibut and tuna, and I don't care who knows it.......What do you do for a living?
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