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Competition between slaves. Who is higher up on the slave food chain- The rural hicks had a greeting- if they ran into a person they would say "Are yah workin"- That was it..Other cultures have more culture- those with more sophistication want to know if you perhaps paint- or play an instrument or write...The "what do you do for a living is like peering into a hole in your wallet...It's an economic question to see who has the most money..I don't like it- Had a friend who was a billionaire and he would ask me over the phone....."are you gainfully employed" - meaning was I a good little boy working in one of his factories keeping him rich...the nerve of the guy- easy for him to say- He was swimming in money- but he had no creative or real cultural skills.
I appreciate everyone's point of view on this topic.
It is refreshing to know that i received emails and comments on this topic in my inbox of others saying that Americans are rude and not cultured because we ask inappropriate questions.
Now, I don't feel that all Americans are rude, but why can't we find other ways to connect with others.
For instance, do you travel much?? I love to travel and am very well traveled, but if the person didnt perhaps they may feel bad.
In my next social setting I am going to try what I read about the French and ask about what was the last book that person read to gather more insight, or have they been to the local musuem opposed to asking their occupation or age.
I dont mind if they volunteer that info, or perhaps a discussion related to my line of work comes up and I am asked my professional opinion...I wouldn't flinch in respond.
But I find it inappropriate for someone who is potentially getting hired to do contract work to ask that. If i built a rapport and got a good vibe from the person, perhaps.
But in the middle of getting info about the property and size of things and then after me asking several times of his cost; he didn't answer then asking what do you do for a living. I find it irrelevant.
I did explain to him nicely that it was inappropriate. He agreed and apologized and said his humour and his mouth gets him into trouble. When a person is asked to do a job, they should do just that and be thankful especially in this market that a job was given. His superior agreed with me and knows what I do, and understood my stance on professionalism and agreed that he was young and you don't ask clients what they do for a living. Hey thats my view.
Now don't get me wrong--I dont chop off peoples heads for asking me that. I guess him not telling me the cost of work after being asked several times, I found him to be elusive and intrusive by not answering the question and then wanting to know my occupation. I think those kinds of questions you must warm up to the person first. That is polite and acceptable to do so.
Competition between slaves. Who is higher up on the slave food chain- The rural hicks had a greeting- if they ran into a person they would say "Are yah workin"- That was it..Other cultures have more culture- those with more sophistication want to know if you perhaps paint- or play an instrument or write...The "what do you do for a living is like peering into a hole in your wallet...It's an economic question to see who has the most money..I don't like it- Had a friend who was a billionaire and he would ask me over the phone....."are you gainfully employed" - meaning was I a good little boy working in one of his factories keeping him rich...the nerve of the guy- easy for him to say- He was swimming in money- but he had no creative or real cultural skills.
Yes i agree with you. My friend I mentioned earlier had similar sentiments to you, she explained to me that is a way of someone looking into your wallet. She and her husband are very well off, travel many times throughtout the year, lavish homes and cars, but they both despise being asked what they do for a living. They refuse to answer because they do want others to change their perception of them and they dont anyone to kiss up and become buddy buddy soley based on their occupations. It wasn't until she pointed out several things about that question and the article about the French I realized it is rude to ask a stranger that.
I don't like the whole, "What do you do for a living" thing. It's a fact that people define you by what your job is and that's just ignorant.
My uncle so nuch did not want to be defined that way that his kids thought he drove a train for a living when they were young. he is an Engineer. Anyway what his job really was. He was VP of General Electric. They lived in a modest home and drove a plain Jane Chevy. I must add that my uncle is a really great man but it's not because he was VP of GE.
I don't like the whole, "What do you do for a living" thing. It's a fact that people define you by what your job is and that's just ignorant.
My uncle so nuch did not want to be defined that way that his kids thought he drove a train for a living when they were young. he is an Engineer. Anyway what his job really was. He was VP of General Electric. They lived in a modest home and drove a plain Jane Chevy. I must add that my uncle is a really great man but it's not because he was VP of GE.
Luck Now I agree with you and your uncle 100%. It is ignorant to be defined by their jobs. I know surgeons personally who are asswipes, but in a social setting have people eating out of their hands because of their profession. I have met housewives who are very wise and knowledgable but have been looked down upon because they were housewives. I don't think that is fair. People are people. How would you treat one who says they are unemployed, would you shun them? I would hope not
If it bothers you just answer 'Not much' or 'Why, are you looking for a job?' or 'Why does that concern you?'. Then change the subject.
I have found the best way to answer a question that you don't want to answer is to be evasive. I do think you are being too sensitive about this - I don't mind when someone asks me this and I certainly am not judging someone when I ask them what they do.
...
What are your thoughts?? Anyone else find this question rude and annoying??
I don't find it rude in the least.
So, what do you do for a living, Chica?
My thoughts are that you are very rude and annoying. I'm 66. I've never before in my life heard of someone getting upset about such a question. You can bet that the guy who asked you and his boss had a good laugh over your reaction to such an innocent question, regardless of his apology and what she told you.
At least in MY part of the country, such questions are considered friendly conversation starters.
"How are you?"
"Have you lived around here long?"
"Where did you move here from?"
"What do you do for a living?"
etc., etc., etc.
It's chit-chat. It means we're trying to be friendly. A response like yours would be shocking and very rude.
A business owner once gave me holy hell. We were peers. Shockingly rude.
The director of a medical foundation called me a liar when I mentioned to her that I was once on the board of her foundation. Extremely rude.
Those were two discussions that I'll never forget. I can't recall the third most rude, but yours would most likely have been it.
When people gather together it is supposed to be to enjoy the company of others- to ask that question creates an uneven field and general human equality goes out the window- It hampers true socialization - when you get down to it..people want to be free and normal- as one mentioned his VP uncle and how down to earth he was- the investment banker I knew took the subway lived in a modest home and was in control of dozens of companies...We could talk because after years of not knowing each other I made contact and said- You who have everything - do not have a friend in the world- and I who have nothng does not have a friend either...so this pauper suggests to this multi-billionaire ...."why don't we be friends" - He replied- "it's good to have a friend-
We talked often for a period of 5 years...He enjoyed the way I treated him like a nobody..it was a relief to him- and I enjoyed being a nobody being respected by what society would view as a great somebody..
We stood on even ground and would talk about family - dogs- nature...the system ....I was deeply hurt when I was informed by his assistant that he suddenly died....it was an odd relationship- very unlikely- but he was my friend....and I his.
The only time he seemed rude is when he was showing off to a secretary what an alpha he was as he put me in my place...but it was just a game...He was not supposed to know someone like me...I was they guy who knew that the king had no clothes...That social status and great wealth meant nothing- he knew it and I knew it- in the end death proved that equality to be true.
I appreciate everyone's point of view on this topic.
It is refreshing to know that i received emails and comments on this topic in my inbox of others saying that Americans are rude and not cultured because we ask inappropriate questions.
Now, I don't feel that all Americans are rude, but why can't we find other ways to connect with others.
For instance, do you travel much?? I love to travel and am very well traveled, but if the person didnt perhaps they may feel bad.
In my next social setting I am going to try what I read about the French and ask about what was the last book that person read to gather more insight, or have they been to the local musuem opposed to asking their occupation or age.
I dont mind if they volunteer that info, or perhaps a discussion related to my line of work comes up and I am asked my professional opinion...I wouldn't flinch in respond.
But I find it inappropriate for someone who is potentially getting hired to do contract work to ask that. If i built a rapport and got a good vibe from the person, perhaps.
But in the middle of getting info about the property and size of things and then after me asking several times of his cost; he didn't answer then asking what do you do for a living. I find it irrelevant.
I did explain to him nicely that it was inappropriate. He agreed and apologized and said his humour and his mouth gets him into trouble. When a person is asked to do a job, they should do just that and be thankful especially in this market that a job was given. His superior agreed with me and knows what I do, and understood my stance on professionalism and agreed that he was young and you don't ask clients what they do for a living. Hey thats my view.
Now don't get me wrong--I dont chop off peoples heads for asking me that. I guess him not telling me the cost of work after being asked several times, I found him to be elusive and intrusive by not answering the question and then wanting to know my occupation. I think those kinds of questions you must warm up to the person first. That is polite and acceptable to do so.
Good points! I understand better the context and your reasoning.
We used to joke that question came up a lot after church.
Then we would laugh and say -a contorted look came over their face! LOL. Because we all had bizarre jobs.
I tell them I'm in the Witness Protection Program and can't tell them.
Seriously. Shuts 'em right up.
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