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For all of you who think asking, "So what do you do?" is inappropriate when making conversation in a gathering, what is an appropriate line of conversation? Yes, people are more than their jobs, but would your rather a stranger in a social setting asked, "so what motivates you to get up in the morning?" Or, "what skills and interests do you have?" Or, "Hello. What do you think of the situation in Syria?" Small talk, or chit chat, is just that. It's supposed to be superficial. Strangers don't usually go plumbing the depths of each others' psyches.
I don't think it's inappropriate. I just find it dull and the motivations that turned it into such a habit to begin with shallow. I agree that small talk is supposed to be superficial but that's the problem. The overwhelming need some people have to engage in superficial things as a norm and the fact that some people are uncomfortable without that. I don't need it and happen to think it's lame.
If you're just making small talk to pass the time and nothing you're saying really matters or is meant to glean anything about the person you're chatting with, why are you talking at all? If it's so superficial, why go through the motions? Polite convention? Pretense? Because silence is somehow unnerving? I like shooting the breeze but I don't talk for talking's sake and find conversations with people who do boring.
If you're making small talk because you're genuinely interested in the answer to the questions you're asking, what you choose to ask matters because there are any number of things you could. In this case, you've chosen the same repetitive blah thing people always ask either for no reason or so they can start quickly placing people in worn out, easily sorted boxes.
As for what I'd consider an appropriate line of conversation, it depends on the situation. I don't walk up to people and say general things that I could be saying to anyone anywhere else at any other time and have it mean the same thing and be equally relevant. I don't think I've ever had the same conversation twice unless the other person was a cliche snooze.
I engage people based on what's actually in front of me and I've had wonderful conversations with people that have even gone on for hours and left knowing a ton about them and absolutely nothing about their job, their family status, where they're from, or their level of education. There's nothing wrong with asking about these things, there's just something bland and off-putting to me about people who lead with them.
For the record, I would rather someone ask me what kind of things I'm interested in because at least that's guaranteed to say something about me and to be something I'm excited to talk about. What I do for a living might say nothing about me at all and might be the most boring thing known to man. Besides, especially at a social gathering, unless the purpose is networking and career advancement, do you really want to talk about work? Weren't you just there? lol
A friend once told me that if you ask a Hasidic Jew what he does, he'll say "I study Torah", so if you want to know what he does for a living you have to phrase the question that way.
Dude, from reading your post I'd be in shock and disbelief if you turned out to be a brain surgeon.
I was actually wondering if the OP is some kind of doctor (because of his username). One of my friends is a pediatric neurosurgeon and hates telling people that. It instantly changes the way people interact with her. I don't think anyone would ever guess that's what she does for a living.
For all of you who think asking, "So what do you do?" is inappropriate when making conversation in a gathering, what is an appropriate line of conversation? Yes, people are more than their jobs, but would your rather a stranger in a social setting asked, "so what motivates you to get up in the morning?" Or, "what skills and interests do you have?" Or, "Hello. What do you think of the situation in Syria?"
Small talk, or chit chat, is just that. It's supposed to be superficial. Strangers don't usually go plumbing the depths of each others' psyches.
The way I look at it, "So what do you do?" is a conduit to a more engaging, fluid conversation. You have to deal with the small talk to bump into a good conversation. Doesn't always happen, but that's how connections are made and how you meet people that will have an impact on your life.
That shouldn't be something to be resented and, really, adults should have a pat answer for "so what do you do?" and pat answers for the pattern follow-up questions.
I am 69 and retired and sometimes feel a little uncomfortable admitting what my career was because it's so low down on society's totem pole (public high school teacher). But there is really no good deflection, so I just go ahead with it. It is what it is, and I am starting not to care if people know that I never made any money to speak of.
I am 69 and retired and sometimes feel a little uncomfortable admitting what my career was because it's so low down on society's totem pole (public high school teacher). But there is really no good deflection, so I just go ahead with it. It is what it is, and I am starting not to care if people know that I never made any money to speak of.
Aw, I like when someone is a teacher, public high school or not. Please don't feel uncomfortable about it. Folks need learnin'! I think the only job I'd feel uncomfortable admitting would be an illegal one or adult entertainment, heh.
The way I look at it, "So what do you do?" is a conduit to a more engaging, fluid conversation. You have to deal with the small talk to bump into a good conversation. Doesn't always happen, but that's how connections are made and how you meet people that will have an impact on your life.
That shouldn't be something to be resented and, really, adults should have a pat answer for "so what do you do?" and pat answers for the pattern follow-up questions.
I don't think it's inappropriate. I just find it dull and the motivations that turned it into such a habit to begin with shallow. I agree that small talk is supposed to be superficial but that's the problem. The overwhelming need some people have to engage in superficial things as a norm and the fact that some people are uncomfortable without that. I don't need it and happen to think it's lame.
If you're just making small talk to pass the time and nothing you're saying really matters or is meant to glean anything about the person you're chatting with, why are you talking at all? If it's so superficial, why go through the motions? Polite convention? Pretense? Because silence is somehow unnerving? I like shooting the breeze but I don't talk for talking's sake and find conversations with people who do boring.
I don't think there is anything wrong with polite convention and yes, I do think silence in a social setting (I'm thinking of some sort of an open-house gathering, either business or personal) is unnerving. At least if you find yourself standing next to someone and there is some expectation of conversation.
If you're making small talk because you're genuinely interested in the answer to the questions you're asking, what you choose to ask matters because there are any number of things you could. In this case, you've chosen the same repetitive blah thing people always ask either for no reason or so they can start quickly placing people in worn out, easily sorted boxes.
What sort of topics would you turn to under these circumstances? I'm genuinely curious.
As for what I'd consider an appropriate line of conversation, it depends on the situation. I don't walk up to people and say general things that I could be saying to anyone anywhere else at any other time and have it mean the same thing and be equally relevant. I don't think I've ever had the same conversation twice unless the other person was a cliche snooze.
Again, what type of conversations have you had with strangers? And I assume that we're not talking about potential romantic encounters.
I engage people based on what's actually in front of me and I've had wonderful conversations with people that have even gone on for hours and left knowing a ton about them and absolutely nothing about their job, their family status, where they're from, or their level of education. There's nothing wrong with asking about these things, there's just something bland and off-putting to me about people who lead with them.
For the record, I would rather someone ask me what kind of things I'm interested in because at least that's guaranteed to say something about me and to be something I'm excited to talk about. What I do for a living might say nothing about me at all and might be the most boring thing known to man. Besides, especially at a social gathering, unless the purpose is networking and career advancement, do you really want to talk about work? Weren't you just there? lol
I hope you give some examples of conversation starters that you prefer, or even better, that you've actually had.
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I think the only job I'd feel uncomfortable admitting would be an illegal one or adult entertainment, heh.
