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As for telling someone that what you trained to do for months or years and now spent half your waking hours on is not important... well, I disagree, but that is certainly your prerogative.
Over The past 10 or so yrs I have been stumped when moving to a new town and so many people ask u so what do u do for a living, and I never know how to
Properly answer. I mean u wanna be honest but how much do u tell them? I see the bewilderment in their eyes when I tell them the truth and u can see their minds working on where to slot u in their social system, many simply roll their eyes or go away confused.
The part that always catches me off guard or takes me back is when I come in contact with these people again at events gatherings or professional settings and they hear me in conversation or they learn more about me the look of shock or disbelief on their faces, and Im always left with do people lie so much these days that people just blow off most of what they hear.
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Originally Posted by k9coach
I have had mostly dreadful experiences every time I've told someone what I do for a living. So now when someone asks I playfully tell them if they can guess in 3 tries then I'll talk about it. It's fun hearing people's guesses. It also gives me an opening to explain why I hate telling people my profession (and thus schools the person on how not to react if I do choose to share what I do for a living).
I have never once in my life asked someone what he or she does for a living. But it seems to be one of the first if not THE first question people typically ask each other upon meeting.
Personally, I LOVE my job but I can't stand how people react upon learning what I do. In discussing this phenomenon with others, I've learned many people feel the same way for the same reasons.
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Originally Posted by LexusNexus
I find this initial question, asked by people when first meeting them in a social gathering, to be the first sign that the person asking it, is a typical run-of-the-mill uninteresting person, simply trying to pass the time engaging in idle, superficial, meaningless chatter. This is especially true if, after names are exchanged, it's the next question. These people are so damn boring.
I usually answer, "why do you ask?" If they press further, I tell them that it's not important. I don't care to talk about work in such settings or be defined by what I do for a living. I'm not interested in impressing anyone with my title or achievements. I'm not interesting in giving them a forum to talk about their job. I usually move on to more interesting, substantive conservations and interactions with other people.
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Originally Posted by DeltaFiveTwo
I can't seem to find the link now but there was an article that seemed to explain the concept pretty well. In essence, when someone asks you what you do for a living it's sort of to see where you stand in the grand scheme of things; if you help contribute to society, if you provide a meaningful service and are a person worth knowing. I wish I could find the article because it really did make more sense.
Personally I always hated answering the question myself. I am a human being and I have dozens of skills and interests that go far beyond that of a single vocation. Of course one of those skills is identifying and avoiding boring people who ask questions like that.
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Originally Posted by cyberphonics
There are infinite ice breakers to choose from. Which one you choose matters. People who meet you for the first time and immediately ask what you do are usually conditioned to measure a person by that, associating it less with their "interests" and more with their personality and status. Namely, they're typical.
It's a method of sizing you up. Your values and how valuable you are, how you "rank" among society as a whole. If you don't believe so and really think you're just slinging out arbitrary questions at random just to get a conversation going, examine just how often you lead with the same ones and how you feel about the person depending on the answers they give.
I have a novel ice breaker. I say hello. Any question I ask after that is directly relevant to what's going on at the time, not trivial things people ask so they can quickly categorize you in their heads like, "What do you do? Are you married? Do you have kids?" You might as well be asking, "How well should I regard you? Are you affluent? Do you have family values? Are you normal?"
The fact that the answers can lead to something of genuine interest and commonality has little bearing on the underlying motivation for asking them. I don't think I've ever asked someone what they do unless they started talking about it. For one thing, I don't assume that everyone "does" something in the first place lol
I hate being asked anything of the sort and in my experience, only certain types of people do and they tend not to be the type of people I actively hang out with. Nothing wrong with them, just that it can be a preview of dullness yet to come. If you seem socially inept/awkward, though, I'll cut you some slack, heh.
For all of you who think asking, "So what do you do?" is inappropriate when making conversation in a gathering, what is an appropriate line of conversation? Yes, people are more than their jobs, but would your rather a stranger in a social setting asked, "so what motivates you to get up in the morning?" Or, "what skills and interests do you have?" Or, "Hello. What do you think of the situation in Syria?"
Small talk, or chit chat, is just that. It's supposed to be superficial. Strangers don't usually go plumbing the depths of each others' psyches.
I just tell people I'm a teacher. If I have to tell them I work at a prison for juveniles it just......gets uncomfortable. Then they assume I'm a correctional officer and seem disappointed when I tell them I'm not. Then I tell them I'm actually a counselor there. Then they wanna ask about the crimes. Then they want to know how and why I would work there.........teacher is so much easier and not too far off....
For all of you who think asking, "So what do you do?" is inappropriate when making conversation in a gathering, what is an appropriate line of conversation? Yes, people are more than their jobs, but would your rather a stranger in a social setting asked, "so what motivates you to get up in the morning?" Or, "what skills and interests do you have?" Or, "Hello. What do you think of the situation in Syria?"
Small talk, or chit chat, is just that. It's supposed to be superficial. Strangers don't usually go plumbing the depths of each others' psyches.
Absolutely yes. I would be much more comfortable with and excited by those questions.
Introverts tend to despise small talk and value deep conversation.
Absolutely yes. I would be much more comfortable with and excited by those questions.
Introverts tend to despise small talk and value deep conversation.
I'm an introvert, but I don't expect deep conversation with someone who doesn't even know my name. I'm in the camp that "what do you do?" is a harmless icebreaker. If you have a job that you don't like or that gets odd responses, then you probably need to have a go-to deflection to change the subject--"I'm an accountant, but that just pays the bills. What I really love is working on my novel" or something.
I don't see why you allow this to be an issue. Just smile and hand the person a business card, ask them to call for an appointment and you will be happy to help. Smile, look them in the eye and be sincere.
First of all, if you saw how long my waiting list is you'd understand why I am not handing out business cards left and right.
The last time I told someone what I do for a living, I was in the hot tub at the gym. When the man heard I was a dog trainer, he immediately began "instructing" me about how spite is the cause of dogs having accidents in the house. In a friendly and compassionate way, I told him that is a very common misconception, and explained why it doesn't make sense. He attempted to argue but it was clear he was both embarrassed at being proven wrong and angry that I had dared to challenge him. Sorry, I didn't have a business card with me in the jacuzzi, and I guarantee this "dog expert" was not looking for help. By the way I can't remember ever getting this type of response from a woman. It's always the men that want to lecture and pontificate. (Mind you I am talking about random strangers, not clients.)
What is wrong with my new answer to the question "what do you dooooo"? Telling people to guess makes the whole interaction so much more fun! Talk about an ice breaker!
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and not too far off....
