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Princewilla, I am still following your thread and the more I read the more I understand, and wish that I could reach you to help in some way. As I read the thread I see a subtle transformation in you. I know you still have the same feelings, but I also see that you are starting to understand that there can be good women in good relationships, like Samir and his wife. Women are individuals, just like you and Samir, and we really should not be lumped together. There are many good women, but you have not had enough varied experiences yet to allow you to let down your guard and start to see them for who they really are. And I think your negative suspicions towards them tend to scare them off.
Most people really do want a happy life and some find it with a partner, and some find it without one. That's okay. Not everybody has to be married or have children. Your desire to help people is admirable and I think that if you could find an outlet for that, such as volunteering at a hospital or nursing home, it would fill a part of your heart and make you happy.
I do think the intensity of your sexual attraction to women may calm down A LITTLE after you leave your teen years behind, it's not something that has to be acted upon anyway. I think your OCD just has it repeating on a loop in your head and that's what makes it so unbearable. There ARE treatments, such as anti-anxiety medications, that can help with OCD. A good therapist can also give you tools to combat the obsessive thoughts, as Samir mentioned. No one thinks you're mad, that's not what a counselor or therapist is for. We are talking about someone you talk to for an hour once or twice a week, someone who will listen and offer tools to help you help yourself. We just know that many others have been helped with this problem and wish that we could help you to see that help is available to you at no cost through your college student health center, if you will accept it.
Edited to add: Your friend's girlfriend didn't want money, she wanted her boyfriend to show that he was thinking of her and wanted to please her. It's not the value of gift, it's the thought that goes into it. Your friend is a terrible source for advice on women, He doesn't know ANYTHING about women. (I do because I am one).
Thank you for your response. You have been so nice to me since your first post even though I feel like my Op was quite offensive.
I wish I could see you guys as indviduals. But there is a part of me who get scared, who wants to just stay firm and not allow any sort of emotions or anything to come out. Its quite complicated,
Sometimes it becomes unbearable when I read articles and things like briffaults because they trigger my internal fears with much more intensity and then the repeat process continues.
How would that poor woman feel when she would see her boyfriend is struggling to trust her, to open his heart , to feel insecure about little things, in other words " Just ruining her life ". You said, I scare woman off with my attitude but I never show this attitude to anyone.
I would just be selfish if I start to fight against my impulses , ignore them and start to see good in relationship and women because these impulses and thoughts would come back as soon as I see some signs of my supposed wife acting or feeling like what I have always feared the most even though she may not be doing that.
I know this does not make sense but that is how I feel.
Thank you for advising me some good options for helping poor. Hope one day I would be a capable engineer and help those who are in need . Yes, it would obviously fill the void in my heart which is increasing day by day.
You guys think its easy to go to the counselar and say " Sir, I think I have negative feelings towards relationship and women and I hope you to fix it ". I would be lucky if he would not spread this information to other people who may know me. If i had so much trouble to type it out in internet then i have no idea how i could tell anyone about it in real life. Sorry,
Everything you say to a therapist is confidential unless you threaten to harm yourself or others. That means no sharing of your information. It's the law.
It's not easy to go to therapy. But I hope you find your way.
I was in the same boat as you. I was a 'cry baby' who would cry when I did something wrong at school, because I wanted to be good. Now that I think about it, I guess that's where my suppressing of emotions started. And I guess as I grew into the difficult teenage years and the battery of new emotions that come with that, I started suppressing so much that it started causing problems with my psyche. See, this is the type of stuff you learn in therapy! Therapy can happen anywhere!
A lot of men have different outlets for emotions, most of which turn to anger or violence. Why do most men watch action movies? It's a great way to project any internal anger or emotions. Working out, being a jerk, being rude, drinking heavily as a passtime, womanizing--all various outlets for pent up emotions.
This is somewhat how I diagnosed my diabetic neuropathy. But I also did go to a professional to confirm it and find out more about it from the professional side. I'd highly recommend that as it may bring you new insights on how to better understand and deal with it, if not eliminate it altogether.
If she got mad like that and didn't appreaciate the thought, then I wonder if she loves him, or what he does for her. There are women that can't tell the difference. (I've met my share of them.)
Sometimes i just want to be a child again. I feel so alone even though I am surrounded by so many people, so many friends and all but it does not feel the same. Its just not ......
I have a weakness. I don't drink, smoke, take drugs or marijuana unlike most of my friends and i actually feel like these things would have probably calm me down and make me feel so much better.
I really find this image cool as it shows the exact difference between a person with normal brain and a person with ocd brain ocd brain images - Google Search
I don't know how could any therepy change the way my brain has been structured and as for emotions, in what way should i take them out ?
I have no one in this world to share my feelings with, so i just share it with my soul....You are a brave man, i wish i could be like you,
Um, your 18. Stop worrying about it. Focus on your education, exploring life and yourself. And I have no idea who said women are only interested in men for 5 years but that is ridiculous. Take it from me. I'm a biologist, and I've been married for over 30 years. Still happy as a clam.
You will be ok. Truthfully, you will. Hang in there.
Everything you say to a therapist is confidential unless you threaten to harm yourself or others. That means no sharing of your information. It's the law.
It's not easy to go to therapy. But I hope you find your way.
Sometimes its better to just hide your secrets and the way you feel about things. Would you be ready to go to therepist just because you thought differently ?
Um, your 18. Stop worrying about it. Focus on your education, exploring life and yourself. And I have no idea who said women are only interested in men for 5 years but that is ridiculous. Take it from me. I'm a biologist, and I've been married for over 30 years. Still happy as a clam.
You will be ok. Truthfully, you will. Hang in there.
We've given such responses to other posters, some have appreciated it, and have done into therapy. We're not qualified to diagnose and suggest treatment for your issues, which are pretty major, and deep. That's the point. You're not getting it.
My issues are neither deep nor major. I am just like you, a human being just with different beliefs and opinions and that is the point many people are not getting either.
My issues are neither deep nor major. I am just like you, a human being just with different beliefs and opinions and that is the point many people are not getting either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Just to be clear...there is a HUGE difference between "CAN'T" and WON'T.
Again, "can't" is a choice you are making.
Why do you care if i go or not ?
Have you ever tried to change the structure of your brain and the way it was built ?
Exactly, this is why I mentioned the parable of the poisoned well. Just because it appears more people have a different oppinion than the OP, they label him as needing help or having a problem. Most people are taught unconsciously that the majority rule and what most people believe or think is more likely to be correct than the minority.
I think the OP exhibits wisdom. Rather than follow blindly what everyone else is doing, he is questioning it. The facts are out there, dirty laundry that previously was only washed in private is now public and one can learn a lot. I think it is foolish to ignore statistics, current (bias) legislation and to merely repeat the foolish actions of other men who were too brain washed or lustful to see their mistakes.
Some one commented about there being millions of women out there and that you only needed to find one but we all know how that is likely to go.
Thank you for your views brother. I appreciate them.
I used to be a very emotional person but I live in a society where men are forbidden to show emotions. A man who is sensitive or emotional is considered weak and not real man. So yes, I rarely show emotions to anyone. Not because of my ego but the fear of being ridiculed by people ( I used to get bullied when I was a kid because I was overly emotional) .
Anyway, by your logic most men should have this disorder as they rarely show emotions to anyone ?
I think we are emotional, it just that some of us are afraid to display some of our emotions for a variety of reasons, but yes many men are afraid to show some emotions(sorrow, sadness) and some replace it with more socially acceptable emotional expressions like sarcasm, bitterness and contempt. All of those emotions are just expressions of anger and anger is just an expression of sadness (not having things your way)
We assume everybody thinks and feels like us. No it is not like that. Life would be much easier if that were the case. Some people can do things like dating with little stress while others are sweating and puking on their way to their dates. I think part of it is biological (some people seem to have a hyperactive amygdala) and some is environmental.
You seem very stressed out about all of this. I think your big mistake is thinking all men feel like you. No they don't, some are having the time of their lives and are not thinking about what the future holds or if their women have ulterior motives. They are not anxious, angry or sad.
Sometimes life is easier if we are aware of our limitations. If you were cursed with an anxious personality disorder you will have a difficult life. Therapy will probably help but not fix it completely. That is a cross you will probably carry for the rest of your life.
I wouln't be surprised if you never marry or have very limited relationships based on what you wrote here.
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