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You feel anxious and get tongue-tied around people, so at a concert, where everyone is relaxed, having fun and focused on the band, your anxiety lessens somewhat. It's probably easier to talk to people because it's not strictly one-on-one and the focus isn't on the conversation as much as the shared experience.
Rodger didn't try that because he was not held back by shyness or anxiety. Rather, his thought processes weren't reality-based. He looked at a group of people having fun and believed they were automatically rejecting him. I briefly looked at his manifesto and he talks about seeing a group of young men and women goofing off in a park and almost immediately began to consider them some sort of enemy who had something he wanted. So he loaded a supersoaker with orange juice and sprayed them. His thought wasn't, "I wish I could hang out with them but I'm too shy to say anything," but rather "They hate me and so I'm going to get revenge on them."
Rodger was not a socially awkward guy. He was insane and lashed out at perceived enemies.
Very true.
I remember once, at a party when I was in my early 20's, I was having lots of fun. And then suddenly, the guy throwing the party looked to me, and asked if I had ever been drunk before. Apparently I didn't look like I had?
All the attention focused on me, and I was intensely uncomfortable. That is where my fear comes from.
Rodger probably had other fears, but unwanted attention is something that can be pretty terrible.
No, friends means friends. There is no back-up option. I do not see friendship as taking energy away from anyone, but as a positive thing for both parties. If the girl is selfish or a user, why go after her in the first place?
One of my lifelong friendships has been with a guy who liked me through high school but we were not romantically compatible. Hope I'm still not wasting his time all these years later. I have been more supportive of him than he has been of me, therefore with me giving more "resources and energy", I guess. I don't see it that way, I like him and treat him as I would any good friend.
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you misunderstood my post as opposed to twisting my words. The example that you are referring to is mutual friendship and I am not referring to mutual friendship between men and women.
What I am referring to in the "let's just be friends" context is after the man has probably made an attempt or intention to the woman that he wants more from the relationship than friendship. Ok, so that is the framework prior to the comment.
The issue with 'let's just be friends' is that it leaves one party unfulfilled. Typically the man is in the situation, but it can happen to women. That means that one person has to settle for less than what they want. Clearly this is an intentional choice, because no one is 'forced' by any means and the man can leave at any point.
If a man has weak boundries as a person and is a weak man in general, he will settle for less than what he wants and "hopes" that she will eventually like him. Unless it's Olivia Wilde or some really really high caliber woman, I'd never even begin to think of tying up my time for someone who is 'unavailable'.
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you misunderstood my post as opposed to twisting my words. The example that you are referring to is mutual friendship and I am not referring to mutual friendship between men and women.
What I am referring to in the "let's just be friends" context is after the man has probably made an attempt or intention to the woman that he wants more from the relationship than friendship. Ok, so that is the framework prior to the comment.
The issue with 'let's just be friends' is that it leaves one party unfulfilled. Typically the man is in the situation, but it can happen to women. That means that one person has to settle for less than what they want. Clearly this is an intentional choice, because no one is 'forced' by any means and the man can leave at any point.
If a man has weak boundries as a person and is a weak man in general, he will settle for less than what he wants and "hopes" that she will eventually like him. Unless it's Olivia Wilde or some really really high caliber woman, I'd never even begin to think of tying up my time for someone who is 'unavailable'.
Don't know about others, but I understood what you meant. You meant that it's a disappointment when a man lusts after a woman and she only wants to be friends. The same thing happens with women when a woman lusts after a man and he pays no attention to her, ignores her, only wants sex from her and nothing else, or wants only friendship. It is a disappointment, but life is FILLED with disappointments and failures, and if we whine every time we have one, we end up like the Elliot Rodgers of the world.
That's why I keep repeating that rewarding children for doing absolutely nothing of value is wrong because it doesn't teach children how to handle failure, when failure is a constant in life. You end up with whiny, entitled adults who fall apart when they fail, and reach for a gun.
Men prefer bad girls. They prefer women who dress very suggestively, seek attention 24/7, flirt very easily and indiscriminately, enjoy going from sex partner to sex partner, are narcissistic, and have sex very soon after meeting.
Bad boys and bad girls do not necessarily make great significant others, great mates, or great spouses. They are simply the clowns of society, and serve a very important purpose: attention-getting and entertainment. Are these the sort of characters we want to bring home to our families, and the kind that our families will welcome with kisses and open arms? HELL NO.
First, I'm talking about initial attraction, not long term relationships. Something I've noticed about men and women: men have two categories, those they want to bang for the fun of it and those they want to have relationships with. Women seem to not be able to tell the difference between the two, generally speaking. Which is why women get into relationships thinking they can "change" a man and end up in failure most of the time. Men rarely do that. They may sleep with someone casually, but if they know that person is no good, they will not pursue a relationship with them.
And of course, the science proves it:
"They found that men rated women with more feminine features more highly for a fling."
But in making long-term choices, men “may actually prefer less attractive/feminine women,†they added.
As for why you received attention when you were less caring. Depends on what you mean by less caring. Did you mean that you slapped some woman or laughed in her face and said, "I can't see you today. I'm going out with someone else hahahaha"? Or did you mean that you were not texting and calling every 5 minutes and desperately spying on her to see whom she was with? Which one?
Smiling, being nice and being a "nice guy" will not get attention of most women...having a stone face, walking up to her and asking in an accusing voice if she's been around area X because she looks familiar, seeing her smile slight discomfort, and then going into small talk which leads to her "Winning" a slight smile from you? That's how I got my first girlfriend's number.
Again, this is about initial attraction, not a relationship. A man can show his sensitive side later on but at the first meeting, he should be nothing but cold, strong, and calculating.
First, I'm talking about initial attraction, not long term relationships.
That's what I'm talking about. Men's eyes go directly to women who are quite outwardly sexual, super-confident, who don't care because they just want to get attention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk
Something I've noticed about men and women: men have two categories, those they want to bang for the fun of it and those they want to have relationships with.
This is true, but that doesn't happen until the man knows the woman well, which is why I encourage friendship first, friendship always, friendship above all things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk
Women seem to not be able to tell the difference between the two, generally speaking. Which is why women get into relationships thinking they can "change" a man and end up in failure most of the time. Men rarely do that. They may sleep with someone casually, but if they know that person is no good, they will not pursue a relationship with them.
Only women with emotional or mental issues do that. Today I caught a segment of a Dr. Phil in which a relatively nice looking mom with 2 cute daughters was involved with a murderer in prison whose face was completely tattooed. She was on the Dr. Phil show for help from Dr. Phil because she was only interested in that kind of trash. Obviously, she has mental issues and he made a point to tell her repeatedly that she had issues.
Smiling, being nice and being a "nice guy" will not get attention of most women...having a stone face, walking up to her and asking in an accusing voice if she's been around area X because she looks familiar, seeing her smile slight discomfort, and then going into small talk which leads to her "Winning" a slight smile from you? That's how I got my first girlfriend's number.
Let me be perfectly clear. If a dude comes up to me with an angry or unsmiling face, my mind will label him: PSYCHO - BEWARE - DUDE IS NUTS. I don't know who's giving you this advice. On the other hand if someone approaches me with a really dumb grin and it never comes off his face, I'll have the same message in my brain: PSYCHO - BEWARE - DUDE IS NUTS.
What the hell ever happened to normal human behavior? How about just behaving normally?
First, I'm talking about initial attraction, not long term relationships. Something I've noticed about men and women: men have two categories, those they want to bang for the fun of it and those they want to have relationships with. Women seem to not be able to tell the difference between the two, generally speaking. Which is why women get into relationships thinking they can "change" a man and end up in failure most of the time. Men rarely do that. They may sleep with someone casually, but if they know that person is no good, they will not pursue a relationship with them.
And of course, the science proves it:
"They found that men rated women with more feminine features more highly for a fling."
But in making long-term choices, men “may actually prefer less attractive/feminine women,†they added.
Smiling, being nice and being a "nice guy" will not get attention of most women...having a stone face, walking up to her and asking in an accusing voice if she's been around area X because she looks familiar, seeing her smile slight discomfort, and then going into small talk which leads to her "Winning" a slight smile from you? That's how I got my first girlfriend's number.
Again, this is about initial attraction, not a relationship. A man can show his sensitive side later on but at the first meeting, he should be nothing but cold, strong, and calculating.
You come across as a virgin with an overdose of PUA literature.
You come across as a virgin with an overdose of PUA literature.
I was a virgin until I just stopped caring and started being a bit of a jerk. Then that changed. I never actually read any of that pickup stuff, but just did what felt counter-intuitive. It worked.
Only women with emotional or mental issues do that. Today I caught a segment of a Dr. Phil in which a relatively nice looking mom with 2 cute daughters was involved with a murderer in prison whose face was completely tattooed. She was on the Dr. Phil show for help from Dr. Phil because she was only interested in that kind of trash. Obviously, she has mental issues and he made a point to tell her repeatedly that she had issues.
Let me be perfectly clear. If a dude comes up to me with an angry or unsmiling face, my mind will label him: PSYCHO - BEWARE - DUDE IS NUTS. I don't know who's giving you this advice. On the other hand if someone approaches me with a really dumb grin and it never comes off his face, I'll have the same message in my brain: PSYCHO - BEWARE - DUDE IS NUTS.
What the hell ever happened to normal human behavior? How about just behaving normally?
The online games and lonely hearts clubs of the world are filled with men who just act "normally." The science proves that that is not what most women go for.
How could you possibly be so terribly sure how women think, if you're not a woman. Hmmmm...
Quote:
Originally Posted by victorianpunk
The online games and lonely hearts clubs of the world are filled with men who just act "normally." The science proves that that is not what most women go for.
I don't think gamers act normally. I think they act as if the world were a dangerous, hostile, horrible place where one has to have a chip on the shoulder. My trainer was a former gamer. Then he decided to work out and get fit, eat healthier, meditate, learn a new way, and he's a wonderful, awesome, healthy guy who meets girls, goes out, etc.
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