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I really want to learn to let go of resentments towards people.
I have many methods, but none of them have really worked for me.
The issue is either that the people I am in current relationship don't care what I think or about our relationship (or have no motive to fix it), or there is no current relationship and the resentments are about things that happened in the past. It seems crazy that the resentments would be carried forward for years and years . . . the people involved would be most surprised, I would think!
So you have a lot of resentment, built up with a number of different people?
Tough to tell what the situations are that bother you, but do you tend to be sensitive and possibly take things too personally? Or does it have to do with indoctrination into a religion?
Resentment is tough to overcome, so I may seek a counselor to help work through it.
If you hold onto hurt, you're only hurting yourself.
The "if you hold onto hurt, you're only hurting yourself" is not helpful because that is rational - I know that - the problem is that there is something in me that keeps it unresolved.
I have used many methods to deal with the resentments. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if so, what they have done to resolve it.
Do you have any anger/rage/resentment issues that pop up now and then?
I definitely do.
I have lots of resentments of the way people treat me/have treated me that get triggered especially during holidays when I see these people.
These are issues that can never truly be resolved, as the people don't care that they have offended/hurt me.
It is up to me to resolve these issues within myself.
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
Are you aware of these issues within yourself and do you have ideas on how to resolve them so that you really do forgive the people and "don't care" that they dissed you/hurt you/misunderstood you/did character assassination on you/didn't give a crap about you?
Physically? Or more emotional abuse? Either way, are you trapped by circumstances to have to put up with all this in your various threads? I wish you could just stay away from these people.
I used to have a huge problem with this. It only rarely happens now that I get into that place and I come out of it quicker. Mine all happened in my childhood. The ones that happened it my adulthood only mattered because it triggered the first time I had those feelings again so I thought it was about the more recent incident but it really went further back.
Some things that helped me:
I found a support group for people who had been through the same thing. That made me feel heard and understood which was huge for me. I told my story on that forum and an older man (probably about my dad's age) went on a rant about how that was so much BS and it's because of situations like mine that we all needed to keep fighting this thing. My dad never intervened to help me and having this guy get angry for what happened, I can't even describe the feeling, but it validated me somehow.
I needed those 3 things to move forward.
Then I heard of this exercise that a person can go back to the situation in their minds and redo it, as an adult, and change what you said or did to what you would say to it now knowing more. That helped me. Then my mind kept going back to one incident that someone had treated me horribly. I kept obsessing over it and couldn't figure out why because it really didn't bother me anymore. Then it hit me, I had done the same thing to someone else. I was a stupid kid and would apologize but I haven't seen the person in 30 years. That helped me to see both perspectives and realize if I expect to be forgiven then I should forgive. I had a really good file going in my mind of all the things done to me but I also had a file on myself. I wiped both clean.
I'm long since wanting any apologies from the people who have hurt me. I believe they were running on programming and didn't know better. I wonder who hurt them to make them so messed up.
Physically? Or more emotional abuse? Either way, are you trapped by circumstances to have to put up with all this in your various threads? I wish you could just stay away from these people.
The attacks are emotional abuse: Mostly scapegoating, ridiculing, minimizing, ganging up (scapegoating) . . . I am a target for some reason . . . has to do with my psychology.
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