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Do you have any anger/rage/resentment issues that pop up now and then?
I definitely do.
I have lots of resentments of the way people treat me/have treated me that get triggered especially during holidays when I see these people.
These are issues that can never truly be resolved, as the people don't care that they have offended/hurt me.
It is up to me to resolve these issues within myself.
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
Are you aware of these issues within yourself and do you have ideas on how to resolve them so that you really do forgive the people and "don't care" that they dissed you/hurt you/misunderstood you/did character assassination on you/didn't give a crap about you?
Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 12-26-2017 at 06:57 PM..
I still carry a lot of pain over a relationship that ended almost 40 years ago.
I also carry resentment towards a parent over some things they did years ago. That parent is now elderly and needs my help. And I will take care of them the best I can, because I'm a kindhearted person. But I haven't forgotten.
I really want to learn to let go of resentments towards people.
I have many methods, but none of them have really worked for me.
The issue is either that the people I am in current relationship don't care what I think or about our relationship (or have no motive to fix it), or there is no current relationship and the resentments are about things that happened in the past. It seems crazy that the resentments would be carried forward for years and years . . . the people involved would be most surprised, I would think!
I'm touchy and resentful about some things, mostly to do with social justice issues and religion. Problem is, toxic anger doesn't hurt anyone but me. Most people really don't understand what I'm talking about, or they don't care, or they don't think it's a big deal.
By social justice issues I'm referring to feminism, racial equality, animal rights--and by religion, I mean mainly atheism. Liberalism with respect to the civil rights of persecuted groups. But over-reacting does not serve any purpose aside from alienating people.
All of this has come into play with family members. I try to keep my views to myself, but the temptation to be sarcastic is just too great.
There are underlying issues/wounds that have not been healed or resolved.
I went to university with this Asian student who became a close friend; he said in China they used to have a saying, "never teach a woman to read." It's really about that. When you have a lot of anomalous characteristics, people are put off. My reaction is to think they're slow-witted. Which goes over big, as you can imagine.
I used to have a huge problem with this. It only rarely happens now that I get into that place and I come out of it quicker. Mine all happened in my childhood. The ones that happened it my adulthood only mattered because it triggered the first time I had those feelings again so I thought it was about the more recent incident but it really went further back.
Some things that helped me:
I found a support group for people who had been through the same thing. That made me feel heard and understood which was huge for me. I told my story on that forum and an older man (probably about my dad's age) went on a rant about how that was so much BS and it's because of situations like mine that we all needed to keep fighting this thing. My dad never intervened to help me and having this guy get angry for what happened, I can't even describe the feeling, but it validated me somehow.
I needed those 3 things to move forward.
Then I heard of this exercise that a person can go back to the situation in their minds and redo it, as an adult, and change what you said or did to what you would say to it now knowing more. That helped me. Then my mind kept going back to one incident that someone had treated me horribly. I kept obsessing over it and couldn't figure out why because it really didn't bother me anymore. Then it hit me, I had done the same thing to someone else. I was a stupid kid and would apologize but I haven't seen the person in 30 years. That helped me to see both perspectives and realize if I expect to be forgiven then I should forgive. I had a really good file going in my mind of all the things done to me but I also had a file on myself. I wiped both clean.
I'm long since wanting any apologies from the people who have hurt me. I believe they were running on programming and didn't know better. I wonder who hurt them to make them so messed up.
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