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Are things resolved with everyone you have to say something to?
It goes well for me. As I said, it has cost me, but it was worth it. I have felt 'at the mercy' of others is why I asked if you are. Because I see no other reason to put up with this. I felt that I really needed one relative enough to tolerate this mess, but I simply couldn't. I knew standing up for myself would cost me, but I couldn't not stand up for myself. I'm not going to be told white is black. I am not going to have people 're-write' me. I don't need simple things 'discussed' via verbal combat. You see my latest thread on that.
The attacks are emotional abuse: Mostly scapegoating, ridiculing, minimizing, ganging up (scapegoating) . . . I am a target for some reason . . . has to do with my psychology.
I get that. But if you do not rely upon them for survival, you can escape.
If someone could see the inner workings of my mind, they would probably find someone extremely complex with so many fail safes, counter systems, shields, backups, interrupters, personality shifts, cool down resets, disengagers, break offs, sanctuary points, and whatever ....................
"Lister: Nothing's gonna happen. We're just doing it as a precaution. The whole ship's full of fail-safes anyway. Cooling systems, containment panels, vacuum shields. The actual chances of it blowing are about one in... [Red Dwarf's engine core explodes and totally destroys the ship] Lister: One."
....................... to see that I always remain in control.
The thought of uncontrolled anger is hateful to me and I never want someone to say to me, "Why do you have to be so mean?".
resentment of my mom crops up pretty often. Her emotional abuse kept me from developing confidence as a young person, and affected my entire life--even after I stopped seeing her, even after she died.
One of the best pieces of advice- you can't control other people but you CAN control how you react to them.
I agree with you. But having to constant control your reactions when you are forced by circumstances to be in the company for a long period of time is exhausting, and in my experience that much effort of controlling myself created its own problems.
I became very good at the control part, but it became over ingrained into my personality. After I was away from the original people who prompted the control pattern I had a very deeply developed tendency to express disagreement and anger in verbally honest terms but with very little emotional tone. And then after repeated incidents and repeated similar reactions on my part I would verbally execute you on the spot the day you stepped over a line I had told you - far too nicely probably - was there. And it was like being disemboweled by Mr. Nice Guy.
Developing that kind of personality trait as a result having to constantly control your reactions with certain people for a long period then becomes a problem.
Finding a healthy balance can be very difficult if you have had to put extraordinary effort into channeling your emotions a certain way for a long period.
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