Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes. And I think the key here is that you can't tell them how it made you feel - so it is never resolved.
I have some resentments towards old high school friends, an old relationship, etc. It would be bizarre if I wrote them letters out-of-the-blue - we have no relationship. I suppose I could write a letter and not send it but I am never THAT motivated. I would like them to know how I feel, but they don't care and that still bothers me.
Funny we were typing at the same time. I guess my suggestion won't help you. I just thought of another circumstance, this war with my HOA. Everytime my friend gets me riled up, which I don't want to be, I type a bunch of emails to them and their attorney and they are all still in my drafts folder. At first I would refine them, take emotion out, go from rabidly attacking to a polite but firm question/assertion, but it's past the point anything will do any good. So they stay unrefined in drafts. And out of my head, which is the important part.
Whatever the method, the goal is not letting people live rent free in your head, taking up your brain space. Easier said than done, I know. All the important lessons are.
I agree that people's bad behavior is their deal - the thing is though, if you WANT to have a relationship with those people, you have to find a way to deal with your feelings when they do something crappy. That's the hard part. If you don't care about them or don't want to have anything to do with them, then the answer is easy.
Well it wasn't easy to cut off my relative, I loved her dearly but wanting a relationship at the cost of being her emotional doormat and scapegoat was no longer acceptable. You teach people how to treat you by what you accept or don't accept. A truly healthy relationship is one in which you can share feelings and work through it, so I doubt you damaged your relationship with your friend, the burden is on her.
I no longer want relationships with people who treat me badly,no matter how much I like them, or how cool they are, or how much I love them. I put up with it too many years and in the end i realized love is not enough, it does not conquer all and if they had any respect,love or compassion they wouldn't treat me badly in the first place. Who needs to put up with that in life?
I agree that people's bad behavior is their deal - the thing is though, if you WANT to have a relationship with those people, you have to find a way to deal with your feelings when they do something crappy. That's the hard part. If you don't care about them or don't want to have anything to do with them, then the answer is easy.
People like that I know my attitude is "Yup, not surprising".
Do you have any anger/rage/resentment issues that pop up now and then?
I definitely do.
I have lots of resentments of the way people treat me/have treated me that get triggered especially during holidays when I see these people.
These are issues that can never truly be resolved, as the people don't care that they have offended/hurt me.
It is up to me to resolve these issues within myself.
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
Are you aware of these issues within yourself and do you have ideas on how to resolve them so that you really do forgive the people and "don't care" that they dissed you/hurt you/misunderstood you/did character assassination on you/didn't give a crap about you?
Ummm...doesn’t every human alive have some sort of â€issueâ€? Goes with the territory, don’t you think?
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
You're definitely doing it wrong, you haven't found your truth. I have never said my "peice" to anyone.
Making amends entails telling them the truth about me.
Well, they already know the truth about me and recognize I'm being honest. I have never had anyone attack me when i make amends, they often make amends right back.
You're definitely doing it wrong, you haven't found your truth. I have never said my "peice" to anyone.
Making amends entails telling them the truth about me.
Well, they already know the truth about me and recognize I'm being honest. I have never had anyone attack me when i make amends, they often make amends right back.
Do you have any anger/rage/resentment issues that pop up now and then?
I definitely do.
I have lots of resentments of the way people treat me/have treated me that get triggered especially during holidays when I see these people.
These are issues that can never truly be resolved, as the people don't care that they have offended/hurt me.
It is up to me to resolve these issues within myself.
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
Are you aware of these issues within yourself and do you have ideas on how to resolve them so that you really do forgive the people and "don't care" that they dissed you/hurt you/misunderstood you/did character assassination on you/didn't give a crap about you?
OMG! YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I am STILL FURIOUS about some of the shady, grimy, mean, heartless or ugly ***** people have done to me, and I get mad when I think about these scenarios, just like you do. Pisses me off. I'm not planning on getting therapy or anything, so I guess I'll always carry these feelings. People really are full of it and aren't worth two dead fleas though.
I also notice I don't carry as much resentment when I DID "say my piece", or curse the person out thoroughly at the time.
Yes I do, and it will rear its ugly head at the strangest times.
After I quit drinking, maybe a couple of months after, I got these feelings of rage, blinding rage, out of nowhere. I have a tendency to stuff things WAY down and pretend that they don't bother me until some random thing sets me off. When I stopped drinking I filled that time with different activities, some of which I wanted to do as a kid but never got to. Finally got to take my first dance class ever. My mother always put her good times ahead of my wants and needs, and I guess taking these classes and trying new things was a way to rewrite the script and in a sense re-parent myself. I am not going to lie, as excited as I was to do these things, I did have a sense of feeling ripped off as a child and I was bubbling over with resentment. My mother complained about every single bite of food or article of clothing that I got, far enough so that she actually told me that I was taking food out of her mouth. Never mind me getting anything I wanted. Plus, she was/is very domineering and just an all-around negative person. I had to stay away from her and a neighbor of mine whose mannerisms remind me of hers because I did not want to end up going off on someone. Forgiveness? My mom can beg God for it. I don't owe her a damned thing.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm not planning on getting therapy or anything, so I guess I'll always carry these feelings. People really are full of it and aren't worth two dead fleas though. 
