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Do you have any anger/rage/resentment issues that pop up now and then?
I definitely do.
I have lots of resentments of the way people treat me/have treated me that get triggered especially during holidays when I see these people.
These are issues that can never truly be resolved, as the people don't care that they have offended/hurt me.
It is up to me to resolve these issues within myself.
I do lots of healing modalities and work a lot on forgiveness, but I realize I never truly forgive because I don't get to "say my piece" to these people and I resent that I cannot do it (it would not be "safe" to do so - they would attack me).
Are you aware of these issues within yourself and do you have ideas on how to resolve them so that you really do forgive the people and "don't care" that they dissed you/hurt you/misunderstood you/did character assassination on you/didn't give a crap about you?
I rarely find the forgiveness principle useful unless the person seeks it. I either say what needs to be said or I just accept someone as being who they are and keep away from them . If I don't have the guts to say something at the time then the burden is on me and I don't waste time resenting someone.
If someone is rude or any of the things listed I have nothing further to do with them. I had a relative that was verbally abusive towards me for years, and I warned her to stop or I would cut her off, apparently she didn't take me seriously.
I agree you need to work on yourself and learn how to set boundaries ( they don't have to be harsh or confrontational) .
Certainly I carry such ! ITs a constant balance of What am I clinging to that serves or doesn't serve the overall progression? Sometimes an OLDY but Goody resentment I carry shows back up and I work on it again. No rage anymore in my life. Blimps of anger that are quickly subsided once I gather the reality of all parties or situation. Empathy tends to aid on that.
But resentment for events or some decisions that were made without due regard ...absolutely. That one I still falter upon. I resent being Lied to, Being dismissed, Being taken advantage of. Rinse and repeat.
I was having a resentment towards someone over something on Christmas. I sent her a message noting that - just owning my feelings and saying how it was for me when she said "x" to me.
I told her I hope our relationship improves in the new year and that I was speaking up so as to not harbor a resentment.
She hasn't responded and I don't know if she will.
She has a very short fuse and is not one to apologize.
I feel better - even though I may have "damaged" the relationship more - I was really feeling angry inside and at least got (whatever) off my chest (there's more, but I got this one thing out).
I was having a resentment towards someone over something on Christmas. I sent her a message noting that - just owning my feelings and saying how it was for me when she said "x" to me.
I told her I hope our relationship improves in the new year and that I was speaking up so as to not harbor a resentment.
She hasn't responded and I don't know if she will.
She has a very short fuse and is not one to apologize.
I feel better - even though I may have "damaged" the relationship more - I was really feeling angry inside and at least got (whatever) off my chest (there's more, but I got this one thing out).
That sounds like it was a good idea. You have every right to have your feelings heard. How she reacts in on her.
Something I learned was that things had been taken away from me when I was too young to defend myself. By things i mean: self acceptance, trust in my own opinions, feeling of being worthy... Until I got those back I let things people said to me bother me and fester. Now that I have them again I put people's bad behavior where it belongs, on them. How they treat others is a reflection of who they are and has nothing to do with me. That works in reverse in that I am responsible for how I treat others.
I was cut off from my abusive situation by the abuser. It was actually a blessing as being completely removed from the situation allowed me some clarity and time to heal. Maybe you would benefit too from some distance.
Yes, towards school bullies I had back in elementary and middle school. They completely destroyed my confidence and sense of self-worth at a young age and hindered my social skills. It makes me enraged when I think about it. Also towards my ex-girlfriend who was verbally abusive and manipulative. She’d call me stupid and ugly when she got angry enough with me. It’s hard to have a healthy self-esteem and sense of self-worth when you’ve been put down by people and treated as lesser for most of your life for things that are out of your control.
That sounds like it was a good idea. You have every right to have your feelings heard. How she reacts in on her.
Something I learned was that things had been taken away from me when I was too young to defend myself. By things i mean: self acceptance, trust in my own opinions, feeling of being worthy... Until I got those back I let things people said to me bother me and fester. Now that I have them again I put people's bad behavior where it belongs, on them. How they treat others is a reflection of who they are and has nothing to do with me. That works in reverse in that I am responsible for how I treat others.
I was cut off from my abusive situation by the abuser. It was actually a blessing as being completely removed from the situation allowed me some clarity and time to heal. Maybe you would benefit too from some distance.
I agree that people's bad behavior is their deal - the thing is though, if you WANT to have a relationship with those people, you have to find a way to deal with your feelings when they do something crappy. That's the hard part. If you don't care about them or don't want to have anything to do with them, then the answer is easy.
Yes, towards school bullies I had back in elementary and middle school. They completely destroyed my confidence and sense of self-worth at a young age and hindered my social skills. It makes me enraged when I think about it. Also towards my ex-girlfriend who was verbally abusive and manipulative. She’d call me stupid and ugly when she got angry enough with me. It’s hard to have a healthy self-esteem and sense of self-worth when you’ve been put down by people and treated as lesser for most of your life for things that are out of your control.
Yes. And I think the key here is that you can't tell them how it made you feel - so it is never resolved.
I have some resentments towards old high school friends, an old relationship, etc. It would be bizarre if I wrote them letters out-of-the-blue - we have no relationship. I suppose I could write a letter and not send it but I am never THAT motivated. I would like them to know how I feel, but they don't care and that still bothers me.
Lots of techniques. For my latest issue that I posted here, I realized I didn't need to talk about it or get feedback or advice. As thoughts surfaced , I took out my journal and wrote several letters that I will not send.
Made me feel like I had said them to the person, and helped form my thoughts better. If you notice, when you talk to one person or many about something, at some point the re-telling loses it's emotional oomph. So I did that with all the letters that will go in the shredder.
There are other techniques. This one helps me.
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