Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wonder what makes people here so interested in arguing that I caused it?
Whenever there are problems between people, of any kind, there is usually some fault on both sides. Maybe one more than the other. But it's very seldom all caused by one person.
So if people had said these guys were inconsiderate, yet I should be more assertive, that would make some sense to me.
But if you say the whole problem was caused by me, then I have to be skeptical of your motives. I think you enjoy bashing. That is not unusual, it is a basic fact of human nature. Some more than others. And being anonymous lets you go wild with it.
I can't presume they were inconsiderate because the organizer asked YOU if you "Fred looked at me once and asked if I were going to play. I just made a "who knows?" gesture, and looked over at Ned and Ted. My guitar was right there in its case"
The other players are NOT mind readers, they can't know what you want to do or presume what you want to do when you never bothered to get your guitar out.
I wonder what makes people here so interested in arguing that I caused it?
Whenever there are problems between people, of any kind, there is usually some fault on both sides. Maybe one more than the other. But it's very seldom all caused by one person.
So if people had said these guys were inconsiderate, yet I should be more assertive, that would make some sense to me.
But if you say the whole problem was caused by me, then I have to be skeptical of your motives. I think you enjoy bashing. That is not unusual, it is a basic fact of human nature. Some more than others. And being anonymous lets you go wild with it.
If? IF??? How in the world have you missed it? I'll bet the majority of us have said that. Just perhaps not in the exact wording you would like.
And "... what makes people here so interested in arguing ..."? That's really amusing.
I can't presume they were inconsiderate because the organizer asked YOU if you "Fred looked at me once and asked if I were going to play. I just made a "who knows?" gesture, and looked over at Ned and Ted. My guitar was right there in its case"
The other players are NOT mind readers, they can't know what you want to do or presume what you want to do when you never bothered to get your guitar out.
Maybe it's the way I described it. It's hard to portray exactly what the signals were. It seemed perfectly obvious to me.
It's impossible to remember and describe every detail. I think it was after Fred started getting ready to leave, Ned sat down in an audience chair, but he continued playing his guitar. I felt he made it obvious that he didn't care if I got to play.
And I can practically guarantee that most of the amateur musicians I know would have been at least as angry as I was. I have seen them get angry over much less.
And, when they get angry they sometimes stormed out without saying why. Or they didn't say anything, and told me how they felt afterward.
So if people had said these guys were inconsiderate, yet I should be more assertive, that would make some sense to me.
How did you get such selective reading skills???
Here are just some of the people who acknowledged that the other guys were also at fault:
Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzyRules
The worst time I ever had was when the three main guys were longtime friends. So it was like 3 against 1 for any other musician to try to take the spotlight. It was like fighting a machine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzyRules
Consider it a learning experience. Make a plan for the next time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
It's obvious the guys tonight were not the most with-it folks to associate with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe
OP those guys were jerks. Any normal person would have been mad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel
Sure, they could just be selfish jerks ...
I can understand why the OP is upset...
Your ego was hurt because you didn't receive the treatment you expected, and your insecurities made you take it personally and leave in a huff. When people point that out to you, you then go on these childish attacks while simultaneously throwing in red herring musings about anonymity and bullies.
The reality? You reacted badly to a couple of boors. No one in your scenario comes out clean.
Here are just some of the people who acknowledged that the other guys were also at fault:
Your ego was hurt because you didn't receive the treatment you expected, and your insecurities made you take it personally and leave in a huff. When people point that out to you, you then go on these childish attacks while simultaneously throwing in red herring musings about anonymity and bullies.
You reacted badly to a couple of boors. No one in your scenario comes out clean.
I already said, Birdie, that some people tried to be understanding. Others just bashed.
That's how the internet works. If you're going to post online, you have to learn to ignore those people.
Spitting back at them helps no one.
It's a shame that it works that way, but it's the same as if we all were standing out on the sidewalk shouting out our thoughts and opinions. You're gonna get some random drive-by bashers.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 04-02-2018 at 03:44 PM..
That's how the internet works. If you're going to post online, you have to learn to ignore those people.
Spitting back at them helps no one.
That's why I don't argue with fools, No one can tell the difference....and I usually forget what the original point was.
Some people just want to vent off steam and everyone reserves the right to be wrong.
I think it's creepy that you thought what I posted was creepy. But I don't think you read most of it.
I have no fear of performing. I actually love to perform. But I also encourage others. Ted was not going to participate, but since I heard him playing Ned's guitar I asked him to, and he did.
Then he gave the guitar to Ned, and he took a long turn. Then Ned gave it back to Ted. Well, already at that point something was awry. Then Ted back to Ned, Ned back to Ted. Etc.
Fred asked me if I was going to play. But how? I guess I could have gone up and grabbed Ned's guitar out of his hands and bashed it over his head.
It was Fred's job to intervene and keep things in order. But he didn't care enough. Then eventually he obviously wanted to leave, because he was getting ready to.
It was not a terrible big deal. It bothered me because I had driven some distance, and hung around for 2 hours, and I had other things to do.
And it bothered me because I hate being treated like I don't exist.
It actually happens a lot at certain jam sessions, where all the others are men, and there are no rules. In those cases, everything depends on aggressiveness and there is very little encouragement or empathy. It's sort of a contest.
I am used to that, and it doesn't bother me much at all. I am not aggressive and I know it. I just stay in the background and play along, and that's ok with me. That's what I expect at those jams, and playing along is fun anyway.
Other jam sessions have rules and everyone takes turns, and the leader keeps it fair and organized. I like those better, because then I can lead songs.
Open mics have rules. It is not supposed to be determined by aggressiveness. Rules were not followed at the open mic I described. It's true hardly anyone showed up, but they still could have been considerate.
Aside from being ignored, another thing I do not like at all is when there are rules and the rules are ignored.
Why even bother? Why did you come here and ask advice, when what you really expected is to be told "you are right, poor you!"? You say "it didn't really bother me much" and then you write a post as long as your arm. And keep in mind that this was an open mic between three people. Perspective and proportion. I mean, what happens when someone stands ahead of you in line, or blows their horn in traffic? Do you fall apart? For your own mental health you need a thicker skin. Obviously. This is my last post on this subject because I just dont' think you care to hear the answers. This is just a fishing expedition for pity and I think that is real obvious at this juncture.
I wonder what makes people here so interested in arguing that I caused it?
Whenever there are problems between people, of any kind, there is usually some fault on both sides. Maybe one more than the other. But it's very seldom all caused by one person.
So if people had said these guys were inconsiderate, yet I should be more assertive, that would make some sense to me.
But if you say the whole problem was caused by me, then I have to be skeptical of your motives. I think you enjoy bashing. That is not unusual, it is a basic fact of human nature. Some more than others. And being anonymous lets you go wild with it.
No one is saying you caused anything. We are saying the reason you didn't get to play is because you chose not to. They are two different things, one is who caused the chaos, but that does not matter in the slightest. Again the reason YOU didn't play is because YOU let the opportunity pass you of your own volition, regardless of what they did or didn't do before that moment.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
