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I think it's creepy that you thought what I posted was creepy. But I don't think you read most of it.
I have no fear of performing. I actually love to perform. But I also encourage others. Ted was not going to participate, but since I heard him playing Ned's guitar I asked him to, and he did.
Then he gave the guitar to Ned, and he took a long turn. Then Ned gave it back to Ted. Well, already at that point something was awry. Then Ted back to Ned, Ned back to Ted. Etc.
Fred asked me if I was going to play. But how? I guess I could have gone up and grabbed Ned's guitar out of his hands and bashed it over his head.
It was Fred's job to intervene and keep things in order. But he didn't care enough. Then eventually he obviously wanted to leave, because he was getting ready to.
It was not a terrible big deal. It bothered me because I had driven some distance, and hung around for 2 hours, and I had other things to do.
And it bothered me because I hate being treated like I don't exist.
It actually happens a lot at certain jam sessions, where all the others are men, and there are no rules. In those cases, everything depends on aggressiveness and there is very little encouragement or empathy. It's sort of a contest.
I am used to that, and it doesn't bother me much at all. I am not aggressive and I know it. I just stay in the background and play along, and that's ok with me. That's what I expect at those jams, and playing along is fun anyway.
Other jam sessions have rules and everyone takes turns, and the leader keeps it fair and organized. I like those better, because then I can lead songs.
Open mics have rules. It is not supposed to be determined by aggressiveness. Rules were not followed at the open mic I described. It's true hardly anyone showed up, but they still could have been considerate.
Aside from being ignored, another thing I do not like at all is when there are rules and the rules are ignored.
?? You could have just said yes, and taken out your guitar. My relative does this same thing sometimes, she has a hard time for some reason with really gentle assertiveness, gets anxious, and her mind jumps to something ridiculous as the only alternative, like you saying here your only option was to take the guitar and smash it over his head.
I think it's creepy that you thought what I posted was creepy. But I don't think you read most of it.
I have no fear of performing. I actually love to perform. But I also encourage others. Ted was not going to participate, but since I heard him playing Ned's guitar I asked him to, and he did.
Then he gave the guitar to Ned, and he took a long turn. Then Ned gave it back to Ted. Well, already at that point something was awry. Then Ted back to Ned, Ned back to Ted. Etc.
Fred asked me if I was going to play. But how? I guess I could have gone up and grabbed Ned's guitar out of his hands and bashed it over his head.
It was Fred's job to intervene and keep things in order. But he didn't care enough. Then eventually he obviously wanted to leave, because he was getting ready to.
It was not a terrible big deal. It bothered me because I had driven some distance, and hung around for 2 hours, and I had other things to do.
And it bothered me because I hate being treated like I don't exist.
It actually happens a lot at certain jam sessions, where all the others are men, and there are no rules. In those cases, everything depends on aggressiveness and there is very little encouragement or empathy. It's sort of a contest.
I am used to that, and it doesn't bother me much at all. I am not aggressive and I know it. I just stay in the background and play along, and that's ok with me. That's what I expect at those jams, and playing along is fun anyway.
Other jam sessions have rules and everyone takes turns, and the leader keeps it fair and organized. I like those better, because then I can lead songs.
Open mics have rules. It is not supposed to be determined by aggressiveness. Rules were not followed at the open mic I described. It's true hardly anyone showed up, but they still could have been considerate.
Aside from being ignored, another thing I do not like at all is when there are rules and the rules are ignored.
Around and around and around we go.
To recap:
Fred asked you if you were going to play.
"But how?" You could have said yes and made a move to take out your guitar. But you didn't.
Then, perhaps, Fred would have done "his job." He didn't care enough?
You could have helped old Fred along by indicating, yes, you wanted to play. Instead of being all passive-aggressive butthurt and telling us again and again about these a-hole men who shut you out of the playground because they are all aggressive and lack empathy. And failed mind-reading. Let's not forget that.
Not one thing you have said indicated that these poor dolts were aggressive. Did they take advantage of the situation? Yes. Because you did nothing to change the dynamic.
Lady, I don't know what else to tell you. Except that your continual man-bashing is pretty darn irritating. And I'm female.
You're absolutely right. You've learned nothing from this thread. You haven't even really learned why you were mad. You've rejected dozens of opinions about the situation which you presented and you counterpunched and flailed at the air every time someone didn't agree with your view.
To recap:
Fred asked you if you were going to play.
"But how?" You could have said yes and made a move to take out your guitar. But you didn't.
Then, perhaps, Fred would have done "his job." He didn't care enough?
You could have helped old Fred along by indicating, yes, you wanted to play. Instead of being all passive-aggressive butthurt and telling us again and again about these a-hole men who shut you out of the playground because they are all aggressive and lack empathy. And failed mind-reading. Let's not forget that.
Not one thing you have said indicated that these poor dolts were aggressive. Did they take advantage of the situation? Yes. Because you did nothing to change the dynamic.
Lady, I don't know what else to tell you. Except that your continual man-bashing is pretty darn irritating. And I'm female.
You're absolutely right. You've learned nothing from this thread. You haven't even really learned why you were mad. You've rejected dozens of opinions about the situation which you presented and you counterpunched and flailed at the air every time someone didn't agree with your view.
To recap:
Fred asked you if you were going to play.
"But how?" You could have said yes and made a move to take out your guitar. But you didn't.
Then, perhaps, Fred would have done "his job." He didn't care enough?
You could have helped old Fred along by indicating, yes, you wanted to play. Instead of being all passive-aggressive butthurt and telling us again and again about these a-hole men who shut you out of the playground because they are all aggressive and lack empathy. And failed mind-reading. Let's not forget that.
Not one thing you have said indicated that these poor dolts were aggressive. Did they take advantage of the situation? Yes. Because you did nothing to change the dynamic.
Lady, I don't know what else to tell you. Except that your continual man-bashing is pretty darn irritating. And I'm female.
You're absolutely right. You've learned nothing from this thread. You haven't even really learned why you were mad. You've rejected dozens of opinions about the situation which you presented and you counterpunched and flailed at the air every time someone didn't agree with your view.
Fine. We're all wrong. Happy?
The people who were impolite and inconsiderate and didn't follow the rules were right. I was wrong because I didn't somehow force them into being fair.
I have seen people get angry about much less. No one likes to be treated like they are nothing.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-02-2018 at 08:43 AM..
Reason: Personal attack.
The person you should be angry with is yourself. You need to learn to speak up for yourself and be more ready to participate. They were probably wondering when the heck you were going to play. They looked at you to play and you made a "Who knows"" gesture. Well they certainly don't know! Only you know. Why would you do that? At that point you'd just basically told them, with your non-committal gesture, that you weren't feeling it, or you had nothing to add,. Nobody's fault but your own. They shouldn't have to goad you into playing, or read your mind, dude.
The person you should be angry with is yourself. You need to learn to speak up for yourself and be more ready to participate. They were probably wondering when the heck you were going to play. They looked at you to play and you made a "Who knows"" gesture. Well they certainly don't know! Only you know. Why would you do that? At that point you'd just basically told them, with your non-committal gesture, that you weren't feeling it, or you had nothing to add,. Nobody's fault but your own. They shouldn't have to goad you into playing, or read your mind, dude.
There was no "who knows" gesture.
Yes of course, always blame the person who was treated unfairly. It isn't you, it's always them.
The people who were impolite and inconsiderate and didn't follow the rules were right. I was wrong because I didn't somehow force them into being fair.
I have seen people get angry about much less. No one likes to be treated like they are nothing.
And not everyone here agrees with you. As always, the aggressive inconsiderate people bash anyone who complains about being treated disrespectfully. Because you like being disrespectful and you think there is nothing wrong with you.
This is de ja vu from my days with my ex. Incident after incident, he was always the Victim, never his fault, yet they happened again and again.
Fred looked at me once and asked if I were going to play. I just made a "who knows?" gesture, and looked over at Ned and Ted. My guitar was right there in its case. It was no secret that I did not come just to listen.
I know I am asking for it by posting about this here. I know I will advised to get professional help, right away, because there is something wrong with me. I will be told I am making a big deal out of nothing, I obviously have a severe personality disorder, etc., etc.
I know I will feel worse for posting here. But I am really angry and there is no one right now I could talk to about it.
I think I discovered one big way that people can make me angry. And this time I even expressed it, in a kind of subtle way, which maybe they didn't even notice.
I really hate being treated like I don't exist. I am quiet and not assertive, so maybe very assertive people think I want to be ignored?
This is what happened: Tonight I went to an open mic by myself, for the first time. I have been performing at open mics for a year or so, but always with someone else, never alone. In case you never heard of an open mic -- it's where anyone can come in and perform music. Usually at a library, or coffee shop, or bar.
This was a library. I had practiced A LOT over the past couple of weeks. I had 3 songs I wrote myself that I wanted to sing and play. This was a big deal to me.
Well no one showed up except me and two guys, and the person who was running it. They had not bothered to publicize it at all, so almost no one came.
But I thought, oh well, at least I will get to play my songs for the 3 of them.
The two guys who showed up I will call Ned and Ted. The guy who runs it is Fred.
We were just sitting around talking, waiting to see if anyone else would show up. Finally I said "Are we going to have the open mic anyway, even though hardly anyone is here?"
Ned decided to sing a couple songs. The same ones he sings every time, and they are long. Then Ted did a couple. Back to Ned. It went back a forth for a while. I listened politely, applauded, said "Beautiful! Did you write that?" Etc. I did what you're supposed to when others are performing.
Fred looked at me once and asked if I were going to play. I just made a "who knows?" gesture, and looked over at Ned and Ted. My guitar was right there in its case. It was no secret that I did not come just to listen.
So finally Fred starts putting on his coat, like it's time to leave. I started putting on mine. They finally asked me if I wanted to play something. I said "I did want to, but the time has passed." They said "Go ahead," and I said "No, I don't want to hold you all up" and I grabbed my guitar and walked out, fast, without saying good bye.
I didn't want to pretend I wasn't angry, and say "Good night guys, it was great listening to you!" But I didn't want to start expressing how I felt, because whatever I wanted to say would not come out nice.
So, this long story is supposed to illustrate how I personally feel about being ignored. It was even worse, because it was a waste of my time, and I was tired and had a lot of things to do. Instead I wasted 2 hours and got angry.
Is it NORMAL to feel this angry if people ignore you and forget you exist? Yeah, I know they finally remembered I was there. But for a long time they were just caught up in their little egotistical worlds.
No, this does NOT happen to me all the time. As it went on and on and on I could hardly believe it was happening.
Of course, they didn't know I had practiced like crazy for 2 weeks, or that it was important to me. But it should have been perfectly obvious I was there to play and had as much of a right to as they did.
And, of course, there are many other open mics, at other places, that do get publicized, and my practicing these songs was not wasted.
I should also mention that Fred, the guy who runs it, is over 80 years old and maybe a little out of it. Normally I would blame the person running it for not interrupting the egomaniacs who would not stop playing and give me a chance. But I can't really blame Fred because he's had strokes and might not be aware of everything all the time.
Sorry ocnjgirl, but there WAS a "who knows" gesture in the OP. Nobody was treated unfairly. Fred ASKED if the OP was going to play, and the OP didn't indicate a willingness or desire to play.
OP, Blaming other people for not reading your mind is ridiculous. They ASKED YOU if you wanted to play. All you had to say was yes, or pick up your guitar and play. Nope, OP thought it far better to shrug and expect them to beg him/her to play. I guess when others don't know that you're shy or lack assertiveness, the best thing to do is get all upset and blame them for your lack of confidence.
Last edited by TheShadow; 04-02-2018 at 08:44 AM..
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