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I’m sorry this happened, OP. I hope you will go to another open mic night soon & not let Ned, Ted & Fred dictate your future.
I understand why some are invoking the whole passive-aggressive thing but I kinda feel like that’s not entirely accurate.
Passive-Aggressive people thrive on being nailed to the cross with a throng of onlookers who will later provide them with validation. They are usually happier being victimized while not caring so much about the actual occurrence.
In other words; you wouldn’t be here venting on an online forum; you would have figured out how to parade around in full view of Ned, Ted & Fred while wearing your crown of thorns.
Maybe you’re just an accommodating person who is a little guilty of hoping that others could read her mind.
I wasn't there but from your description you basically made the decision not to play. It seems you somehow felt disrespected. I personally have walked out of two groups when I felt disrespected. Have also been asked to leave two groups that didn't like my playing. It's a blow to the ego, which can be pretty puffed up when you perform in public. Lots of anxiety and expectations in being part of a group or performing solo. But the absolute best times I ever had on stage is when I screwed up and kept going, just going with the flow.
I don't know if you were getting vibes the other guys were really not interested, so although they offered, you decided not to say yes and do your set. (Kind of like grabbing a check. If you object too long you get stuck with it.) It sounds like you really did want to play. The question is why you weren't assertive enough to go ahead and play. At least the old guy had to stay. At the worst it would have been practice. And as an aside, I have to wonder how you chose your handle Good4Nothin. Do you feel that way about yourself, or is it a joke?
A book that opened my eyes on assertiveness, that changed how I dealt with people is "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. I read it about 40 years ago, and it stayed with me a lifetime.
Good4Nothin is a joke. It's because I stopped working full time (thank God!) and have more time for music. And we know that musicians are not productive members of society! Anyway, just kidding.
I felt very disrespected. This kind of thing does happen a lot when you're an amateur musician. Maybe professional also. We play music because that's what we love doing, but egos can't help getting involved.
It was my ego that was making me angry, and feeling disrespected. In general, I know those are dangerous feelings for me. I always struggle with it, and I think it's human nature. As someone who tries to live a spiritual life, I am very aware of this ongoing battle.
But I can't be more than human, and I can't help wanting to be respected, and appreciated. I work very hard on music. Even though it's just a fun hobby for me, I take it very seriously.
Anyway, thanks for reading my post and for contributing in a respectful way!
There are psychiatrists who do psychotherapy, too. No psychiatrist would force medication on someone who does not need it or want it.
There is no reason to see a psychiatrist if you don't need medication. They are more expensive than other kinds of psychotherapists.
And no, they won't force drugs on you. But lots of patients are convinced that's what they need, because that is what most psychiatrists believe in. Patients usually trust their doctors.
Psychiatry has become drug-crazed. I know you like drugs SuzyQ but there are many reasons to be VERY wary of them.
I think maybe I know why Ned and Ted, but especially Ned, were so disrespectful the other night. I was polite and encouraging towards them, which could have made them think I was THRILLED to hear them play, and had no interest in playing myself.
Sometimes, if you are kind to others, they see you as weak or inferior.
I think maybe next time I see any of these guys I will tell them how I felt. I was too angry to say anything the other night. But now I've had a chance to analyze what happened, maybe I can tell them calmly that I felt overlooked.
I won't tell Ned he's an arrogant a-hole. Maybe he's a nice guy, just too caught up in his own world. Which all of us are at times, some more than others.
I think maybe I know why Ned and Ted, but especially Ned, were so disrespectful the other night. I was polite and encouraging towards them, which could have made them think I was THRILLED to hear them play, and had no interest in playing myself.
Sometimes, if you are kind to others, they see you as weak or inferior.
I think maybe next time I see any of these guys I will tell them how I felt. I was too angry to say anything the other night. But now I've had a chance to analyze what happened, maybe I can tell them calmly that I felt overlooked.
I won't tell Ned he's an arrogant a-hole. Maybe he's a nice guy, just too caught up in his own world. Which all of us are at times, some more than others.
If you turn it around and accept the shortcomings you identify in them as also being in you, it will be accepted because its more honest than finger pointing.
When I spot an arrogant a hole its because I am too. If I spot it ...i got it.
People here on CD are only trying be helpful but the temptation to judge gets the better of everyone in their turn.
And I still think you should write a song about it.
If you turn it around and accept the shortcomings you identify in them as also being in you, it will be accepted because its more honest than finger pointing.
When I spot an arrogant a hole its because I am too. If I spot it ...i got it.
People here on CD are only trying be helpful but the temptation to judge gets the better of everyone in their turn.
And I still think you should write a song about it.
Well sure I can have arrogant moments, when I think I am the best. Probably everyone who tries to do some kind of creative work has moments like that. But I try to be aware of it, and not let me ego run my life. That's why I always remind myself to respect others, and to remember I am not better than they are, just different. I very strongly believe in respecting others, as much as possible. Some people do make it hard to respect them though.
If I accuse Ned of being an a-hole, he would just get defensive and not listen. I would probably try to explain how I felt that night. I went all the way there, had practiced a lot, was looking forward to performing. And then they seemed completely uninterested in hearing me.
Some people here said I should have been assertive and asked them to let me play. But I felt that if they weren't interested, they wouldn't really listen anyway.
And, as I have said, this does not normally happen. There are rules that are followed at open mics, and at some jam sessions. People take turns and listen politely while others have their turn. Of course, not everyone follows the rules all the time, but in general they do. There is always someone in charge who tries to keep things organized and fair.
Maybe you're right. But I was sort of just sitting there thinking "What is wrong with these guys?"
NOTHING is wrong with these guys. YOU did not communicate your desire to sing. STOP blaming other people for things they didn't do. No one can read your mind even if you have a guitar case.
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