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And bye the way, the sort of advice I got here is not at all helpful. Talking about this kind of thing with friends is completely different. We take for granted that the other person is not crazy or stupid, that the bad thing that happened was not caused by them. Maybe they had some part in it, but they are not so utterly stupid they would cause the whole problem unknowingly.
I guess what is missing when you post here is respect. As I said, usually if I post about a problem, there are constructive comments at first. People don't think they know all about what happened, better than I do, since they weren't there. I can't pour out every detail so of course I have to summarize.
Some may agree with me, some may disagree. But no one is absolutely sure and confident, and no one tries to diagnose me.
Gradually, the attitudes change. Different people show up, increasingly angry and judgmental. Eventually the whole problem is seen as entirely my fault. I even said right at the beginning of the post this would happen.
The anger escalates. It's bizarre.
Never in my whole life have I ever told a friend to see a psychiatrist. And I have spent many hours listening to friends' problems and complaints. And everyone has them. The closer you get to someone, the more you hear their complaints about other people. If you don't experience this, maybe you never had any close friends.
This kind of compassionate listening does not happen here. Or it happens, but is soon drowned out by the ones who love to attack and blame.
They don't believe anyone ever gets unfairly victimized. Why not? Because THEY are victimizers and can't face the facts about themselves. They insist that victims always deserve what they get, always somehow cause it to happen.
The worst people are the ones who see no faults in themselves. That is what we are experiencing here at CD. These people are desperately defending themselves against the possibility that they could ever have evil intentions.
We all have evil intentions, that is life. What matters is whether or not we know it. The worst people don't know it, can't face it. So they get worse and worse.
Why does CD draw in these people? Maybe because it's easier for them to do this anonymously. And they NEED to do it. It protects them from self-knowledge, and self-knowledge is what they are terrified of.
Why does CD draw in these people? Maybe because it's easier for them to do this anonymously. And they NEED to do it. It protects them from self-knowledge, and self-knowledge is what they are terrified of.
BS. At open mics people wait their turn, and they are supposed to listen respectfully to each other. You have no idea what you are talking about.
I can't believe you did it again . Pure rudeness. Uncalled for. And you just mentioned others listening "respectfully to each other". That means you too, not just others being respectful.
I wasn't there but from your description you basically made the decision not to play. It seems you somehow felt disrespected. I personally have walked out of two groups when I felt disrespected. Have also been asked to leave two groups that didn't like my playing. It's a blow to the ego, which can be pretty puffed up when you perform in public. Lots of anxiety and expectations in being part of a group or performing solo. But the absolute best times I ever had on stage is when I screwed up and kept going, just going with the flow.
I don't know if you were getting vibes the other guys were really not interested, so although they offered, you decided not to say yes and do your set. (Kind of like grabbing a check. If you object too long you get stuck with it.) It sounds like you really did want to play. The question is why you weren't assertive enough to go ahead and play. At least the old guy had to stay. At the worst it would have been practice. And as an aside, I have to wonder how you chose your handle Good4Nothin. Do you feel that way about yourself, or is it a joke?
A book that opened my eyes on assertiveness, that changed how I dealt with people is "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. I read it about 40 years ago, and it stayed with me a lifetime.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
No, absolutely not at all. I was not feeling insecure or jealous AT ALL. I have a lot of experience with performing music, especially since I retired a couple of years ago. I don't feel inferior to these guys at all. I actually expected they would like my songs because most people who heard them so far did like them. I was disappointed that I didn't get a chance to find out.
It escalates because you insult, and say mean, and disrespectful things to these posters for no reason. Small wonder that it escalates. And you are the one throwing fuel on the fire. You have only yourself to thank for how this turns out. And you know ahead of time that this will happen. Gee, what a surprise, lol.
If you're happy with yourself and your life, don't change a thing.
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Aww yea you should have gone up there! You did say you had some songs which is good..but you still allowed the opportunity to pass. Did they know you wanted to perform before they put on their coats? I think because you said you normally never go up alone, they assumed you didn't plan on going up at all, which is why they got ready to leave...
Well you don't have enough knowledge about psychotherapy. You would not go to a psychiatrist unless you needed a prescription. Otherwise, if you just had normal problems you wanted help with, you would see a psychologist, or social worker, or something like that. A psychiatrist would be for serious mental illness, which now days is, unfortunately, mostly treated with drugs.
There are psychiatrists who do psychotherapy, too. No psychiatrist would force medication on someone who does not need it or want it.
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. Pure rudeness. Uncalled for. And you just mentioned others listening "respectfully to each other". That means you too, not just others being respectful.
