Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
Seriously.
And a big part of showing remorse, is finding it within yourself to contemplate the harm you've done, and give more of a damn about your victim's situation than your own.
If one has a sincere wish to make amends, after making an apology that acknowledges that you understand what you did wrong, and why it was wrong...and if one simply finds oneself at a loss on what to do beyond saying sorry, then one can always ask, "How can I make amends for what I have done?"
If the victim of the abuse is not willing to engage and tell you, then you should ask friends, mentors, anyone around you...crowd source some ideas, and then put in the work.
It's never really that the actions of a young and unwise person should ruin the rest of their lives. It's a question of whether you are still that same person, or you aren't. And a lot of people grow up with no real accountability and don't see why harm they've done is any kind of a big deal, so in some cases, yeah, a reckoning is not only in order, it's overdue.
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Yeah, I know one of those. Abuse, defamation, parental alienation, has always lead a charmed life with a lucrative career. Ask me if I'm going to forgive. No. The person will never admit to any wrongdoing and that's not ok. It's not ok to destroy someone else's life and get away with it but it happens all the time. It's pervasive.
But you know what? I lead a happy life in spite of all that, except when I get triggered, which is less and less as time goes on. I laugh, I make friends, I read about and do interesting things, I go on with my interesting life such as it has been and is now, and I'm not going to waste my time ever thinking about that mean-spirited person and how they're never going to be sorry or apologize. My friends and I back in our 20's when we were new age, used to say "don't do anything, the lords of karma will take care of them" now I say "it's up to God", and he'll get his. But maybe he won't. We don't know. Same with this abusive dude in the story.
I really feel for the little kid inside that hockey player. I had that too, growing up at school, but not nearly as bad as he did.
Forgiveness is an incremental, roller coaster thing. It's up and down, in and out, where one has to use WILL in order to forgive. It's an act of WILL. But it fluctuates. Even if this once little kid who is now an adult gets support for his pain and his point of view and feelings, it doesn't take away the damage that was done. One can only deal with it the best they can.
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