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Thanks for all the in-put,
your right , I found out about this child when my youngest was 5 . My kids now are 21,18,14 !! ( Thank the Lord ) Its not been easy,, but I stayed focused on what was best for my kids when they were little , I think having their dad around when they were young was good for them. They all know what he did , But they still love him very much. I have tried for years to put this behind me but I still seem to carry it with . Ok, Granted , He has walked a stright an narrow road once he got caught , and child support started coming out of his check . In his eyes it was a blessing ,, it made him realize just how much he loved me and our kids ! Some Blessing !! But why can't I put this behind me !! Its so not fair !! I hate my kids have had to do without because he brings home such little income , all because he cheated !! I'm not sure what to do now that the kids are grown???? Now that I'm older ,, and tried marriage 3 times ,, I know I can't be hurt any more because I have no Faith left. Reading all the Post sure helps me, this is something I can't really talk to any one about . Thanks again !!
I couldn't stay with someone that I knew for sure had cheated. I have enough trouble with the fact that he was talking to someone in another country online.
I have a close friend that has been studying Sociology for years. She has come to the conclusion after all her studies, that most people aren't meant to stay with the same person forever. But that isn't really the issue.
I think people that cheat are just greedy cowards. They either want to have their cake and eat it too, or like a lot of men want to have someone else to go to before they leave their wives. I am NOT saying only MEN cheat. But, women seem to cheat more when their needs are not being met within the home. Men could be getting everything possible at home and yet still find a reason to cheat.
I personally couldn't put it behind me...AND as you say, if he is making NO money and your kids are about grown...if it were me, he would be OUT the door.
That is something that would eat away at me everytime I looked at him...keeping him in my life would be like me saying it was OK what he did.
Is he involved with the other child? Does he pay child support, have a relationship with the child?
Why would anyone stay with someone that cheats on you since you can never trust that person again. How can one gain respect for that person too?
I think not!
No. I would not stay with someone who cheated on me. That kind of behavior is indicative of a lot of important elements. It indicates a lack of respect, decency/integrity, honesty (emotionally) and someone who is very selfish or pathologically evasive/opportunistic. Given the implications, this is not my match and I expect certain core traits to be present in a man, which would then determine if he'd be likely to behave this way. If this hypothetically makes my search harder, then I'd be fine with that because I can't see myself setting for less.
Thankfully, I've found what I am looking for.
People give signs about themselves all the time...about who they are...in many ways. You just have to see these signs and not put any initial hunches, nagging feelings or observations aside. Be critical in your thinking, know what you want and think about how you see yourself and how that affects what you choose, accept and desire in connections and situations.
These situations (the cheating for example) are rarely or ever a sudden unexpected thing. When someone shows you who he/she is the first time...believe it.
I am once divorced, BECAUSE of that and other things.
I would never tolerate that....never did, and never will.
If someone has to urge to cheat, they are obviously not happy where they are at in their lifes and marriage, or they should have never ever gotten married in the first place.
Sorry, I am so much better then that, and know, what I'm worth!
I am currently seeking the answer to that very question. If your hot and can do better than probably lose the loser. But If you have kids it gets a hellofalot more complicated. Doesn't it?
Its crazy !! about 10 years into this marriage and 3 kids later ,, he cheats !!and has a baby with this loose looser !! well,, this is my 3rd time to try and find a faithful partner !!! So much for that !! By this time in my life ,, with 3 kids to raise and he is the father of my 3 kids and he is a good dad to them,and I gave up !! sunk my self into my work,, now my kids are almost grown . He makes no money ,, he will be paying child support into his 70's !! now at my age ,, kids raised,, are there any faithful men out there ?? I think not !!!!
No, I can forgive mostly anything, but cheating is like lieing and once trust is broken, it cannot be regained to the strength that it was...I would leave immediately...
and honey, there are faithful men out there, but honestly, I don't believe I would go it again...but that is what works best for me....I cannot speak for you...
I am currently seeking the answer to that very question. If your hot and can do better than probably lose the loser. But If you have kids it gets a hellofalot more complicated. Doesn't it?
Yes and no...
A cheating husband is not necessarly a bad father, and visa versa.
But, kids are NOT stupid, know, see and hear things which tells them that mom and dad are NOT happy about something.
Especially, when the tension can be cut with a knife most of the time.
I absolutely despise when girls say "I'm staying with him for the kids sake", but fighting infront of them like cats and dogs, not talk at all...or go into the physical confrontations....
No, sometimes it's in the BEST interest for ALL parties involved, if the parents split!!! And, that might be the first time, that some "normalicy" and "routine like" system can be installed.
My son wasn't and still isn't happy, when "mom" isn't happy, and something is bothering me.....
Kids are so protective and so smart, and a lot of times totally underestimated!
My take on it....
Last edited by MB2; 04-11-2009 at 11:53 AM..
Reason: add
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No way....
