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i wouldnt be able to ever trust him again. having an affair is the only way i believe in divorce. some things people just cant get over, and that's one thing for me. so no, in my case, i wouldnt stay married to him.
Agreed... a bad marriage being kept together for the sake of the kids will actually harm the kids more than it helps them.
Most of the time I was sad and I would cry alot, I was also in school full time ,working part time. Even if I wanted to. I couldn't fight like people would think. Yet when we had time to talk I made sure my girls would not be home. That is one good thing we stil have. You are right nobody stay's for ever. Yes my girls are fine and again I know some dayI will have my true happy days, unlike him and that thing who does nothing with her life, but use married mens wallets. I will soon be done with medical school. Life will change it can not be the same any more.
DH knows that if he steps out, he better stay out. Betrayal would be too painful to forgive...
However, your situation is different since you've accepted his cheating and lived with this knowledge for years. Some of the questions you should ask is do you still want this man by your side, without losing your self-respect? Are you with him for fear of being alone? The answers should be revealing.
If you decide to stay, then you must find a way to forgive him. Otherwise, you'll always be resentful, and that's no way to live. Good luck!
No, No and No. A cheating spouse creates more problems than just the cheating. They run the risk of giving you some dreaded disease, they make you lose faith in the opposite sex and you just can't ever trust people in the same way again. My first husband ran amuck for the whole 11 years we were married. I didn't find out how far amuck until after I left him. He ended up stealing another guy's wife, taking off for Georgia and expected me to be at home waiting for them to return. Home at that time was Northern Aroostook County. I had 8 cord of stove wood not even split up into 4 ft. lengths, no money, no food and no hope of even getting a sniff at his last paycheck he left behind...oh, he quit his job to take off with this bimbo and she left behind not only her husband but her kids as well. I had an 11 year old son back then.
I got totally sick of the whole mess and left to come home to Connecticut and ended up living far better on my own than I ever could have with him. With him, I was hauling water in buckets after I heated it on the stove and was building wood fires to stay warm in the winter. What a *******.
Anyhow, I remarried a second time but not until my son was 21 years old. My second husband was the absolute love of my life but he died after only a year of marriage from a heart attack. I swore I was cursed.
6 years later, I meet my present husband and we have been together for 12 years. Would he cheat? Probably not. Would I leave him if he did? ABSOLUTELY.
There are nice men out there so don't give up just yet.
Thanks again for all the in-put !! Only wish I had this talk with all of you ten years ago when I was in the mist of my break down !! In answer to some of the ?? No , my husband has nothing to do with this child , ( as far as I know )except most of his pay check goes to child- support !! While my kids have suffered !! granted,, My kids are almost grown now ,, But I still struggle with the hurt and the why's ( why me and why my kids ) Why Oh why,, couldn't it have just been a ,, OOps I cheated ,, I'm sorry and we fall apart as a couple !Then like most marriages pick-up the pieces and move on !! I'll never understand ,, Why a child !! The only reason I have made it this far and this long is because of Prayer !! When my kids were little I took them to church ,, I wanted them to know the Lord as I did !! I thought that ,if I tried to stay the good wife and do the right thing by my kids ,, My husband would grow-up!When I had 3 small kids at home ,, He ran with his friends and I stayed with my kids. And I Prayed like crazy for him to change !! Go Figure,, Low and behold a Child was Born !! Since the day I found out about this child ,I have not been able to go back to church !! And at this point , I never Will !! Oh,, I still Pray ,, It gets me through my days ,, And I'm still asking WHY Oh WHY !!
I know I'm going to be eaten alive for this one........
Wow I can't believe no one else picked up on this. It's bad enough that he cheated, even worse yet that a child was born out of the situation. But for him to have nothing to do with the child....now that's so wrong I can't even fathom. You are whining about how you feel and about how your kids had to suffer. You seem to have absolute disregard for this "extra" kid that is being left alone without a father to help raise him/her. I have no respect for that at all.
I don't care what the situation is.....if you have a kid be a parent!
People need to be held accountable for their actions. I would NEVER be with a man that wasn't a part of his kids' lives.
I know I'm going to be eaten alive for this one........
Wow I can't believe no one else picked up on this. It's bad enough that he cheated, even worse yet that a child was born out of the situation. But for him to have nothing to do with the child....now that's so wrong I can't even fathom. You are whining about how you feel and about how your kids had to suffer. You seem to have absolute disregard for this "extra" kid that is being left alone without a father to help raise him/her. I have no respect for that at all.
I don't care what the situation is.....if you have a kid be a parent!
People need to be held accountable for their actions. I would NEVER be with a man that wasn't a part of his kids' lives.
I have to agree. The child is innocent of the sins of the father. While it would require super human strength and a lot of prayer I would WANT my spouse to have contact with his child and to be a responsible parent. It was your choice to stay with your husband, right or wrong. (I happen to think you made the right decision) While I agree that the fact that a life long reminder of his affair was created is not fair, it is also not fair to have a child out there who is not benefiting from having a relationship with his/her father. Even worse for the child if they are aware of the circumstances of their birth.
No, I know sex isn't always intimate, but I believe it to always be intimate to the extent that if my partner could do it with someone else I would no longer feel close enough to her.
After 32 years of marriage, he cheats with his first love from high school. He can't be with her she is married. Wants to stay with me for the comfort he says, but instant messages her 3 (or more) times a day for hours. She is 500 miles away in Ohio. He also told me if she is ever free to be with him I am out of here.
Don't think I can handle much more of this.
Location: in a nice house my wife is trying to take from me
71 posts, read 209,055 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper
Of course there are but let's face it we sometimes just choose the wrong one. Why stay with someone you can't trust? You deserve better than that.. You should take some time to find yourself. I had never lived alone until I became a widow and I now like being alone, although with all my animals I don't think I am every really alone. I do have a boyfriend now and have had several during the past few years but not 'the one'
You have to be sure not to let your heart rule over what you know you deserve
The trouble with a lot of women is that they have no idea we are cheating on them and even the ones that suspect would rather post their suspicions on a message board and not do anything about it, because they need us. If any of you woment think the man you are married to is faithfull think again. You have no idea what we get upto when we are out of town on business, even in the day time when we are in town.No it's best not to think you DH is cheating.
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