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Say what you wish in order to feel better on this thread, but the fact is I am in a better position to judge how men react to being pursued than you are. You don't date men and I do. I have a lot of experience and you have none (to my knowledge). You are unqualified to speak about any men other than yourself, and how you claim you would react isn't necessarily true.
How, pray tell, are you "qualified" to speak for other men? I mean, you date them, but do you hold post-date interviews that ask their feelings on subjects?
Or, as I suspect is the case, do you confuse men being the pursuers because they're socially obligated to pursue as doing so because they actually like it?
Has it occurred to you that the male propensity to pursue women is less a part of a masculine desire and more the result of a self-fulfilling prophecy ingrained into us by society? That is, is the only reason men say that they "like" pursuing women is because they think that women like guys who do, and thus women actually think men like it?
Like MattB4 said, this stinks of a confirmation bias. You already have it in your head that men enjoy behaving this way, so that's the impression you gather from them.
I disagree. This would be like me saying I have greater insight into how women behave because I have experience dating women and you don't. If anything, your being a woman and presumably having more women friends than me makes you just as qualified to comment on how women behave. MattB4 brought up an excellent point when he mentioned confirmation bias.
You would indeed have greater insight on how women behave in a dating situation than I would have, because you date them and I don't.
How, pray tell, are you "qualified" to speak for other men? I mean, you date them, but do you hold post-date interviews that ask their feelings on subjects?
Yes I do actually. I have quite a few male friends who I used to date... almost all of them actually.
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Or, as I suspect is the case, do you confuse men being the pursuers because they're socially obligated to pursue as doing so because they actually like it?
Nope.
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Has it occurred to you that the male propensity to pursue women is less a part of a masculine desire and more the result of a self-fulfilling prophecy ingrained into us by society? That is, is the only reason men say that they "like" pursuing women is because they think that women like guys who do, and thus women actually think men like it?
You are wrong. We humans are far more animalistic than we like to believe, and that when it comes to mating habits, that animalistic nature trumps intellect the vast majority of the time. Why else do so many 50 year old men still want to mate with 25 year old women? Nature at work, driving him towards her fertility, even though intellectually speaking he'd be better off with a woman his own age.
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Like MattB4 said, this stinks of a confirmation bias. You already have it in your head that men enjoy behaving this way, so that's the impression you gather from them.
My opinion is it is a custom that gives a benefit to one gender over another. Nothing more nothing less. The Gender that benefits does not have any need to upset the apple cart. It is not a inherited difference at play like men being larger or stronger physically. Where is the dating gene located?
Now some people confuse the love of the chase (hunting) with dating. The hunting games of pursuit and capture are indeed ancient. But it is tenuous that this is a Gender locked condition.
Dating gene? Really? Dating is about mating, and if that isn't biological I don't know what is. Our selection process is based on this very thing, and that's also why the males who are more dominant typically win.
Good post. While I agree you experience in dating guys trumps mine. (I do not date guys). I just wonder if Confirmation bias is at play. Now how I would react to being pursued by a lady? On the surface it seems like a great thing to me. But that could just be wishful thinking on my part. Perhaps I would react differently if it actually happened.
Oh well, it could be like being hanged, you get used to it after a while.
My opinons are not based on confirmation bias. I am a 40 year old black female who earns a very high salary which makes dating very, very, VERY difficult. I actually would very much like to be proven wrong. If I could take charge, I would be WAY better off. (I have actually fudged the truth with a guy I am currently seeing. He thinks I am broke and it's way better that way.)
My opinons are not based on confirmation bias. I am a 40 year old black female who earns a very high salary which makes dating very, very, VERY difficult. I actually would very much like to be proven wrong. If I could take charge, I would be WAY better off. (I have actually fudged the truth with a guy I am currently seeing. He thinks I am broke and it's way better that way.)
High salary or not, one of the many so called dating rules/traditions is for the man to pay your way. One of the many rules that I feel should be left in the past. Do you agree?
I'm not a fan of any rules. Principles, yes, but not rules. Principles allow for individual circumstance & needs.
I think certain "rules" currently exist due to what they symbolize, and some see a value in what they symbolize. For others, their symbolism is meaningless, as it does not apply to their own needs.
I dislike any rules about how quickly (or slowly) things should move - don't call the next day, sleep together after X amount of dates, get engaged after a year but not before 6 months, etc. Feelings don't form according to a time schedule.
No, but when you make a generalization about an entire gender based just on your own personal experience, don't be surprised if someone calls you on it.
Everyone in this thread is doing that a lot more than they are stating scientific evidence/facts.
My opinons are not based on confirmation bias. I am a 40 year old black female who earns a very high salary which makes dating very, very, VERY difficult. I actually would very much like to be proven wrong. If I could take charge, I would be WAY better off. (I have actually fudged the truth with a guy I am currently seeing. He thinks I am broke and it's way better that way.)
I fail to see why your race or income level creates an impediment to dating. I will point out that "If I could take charge" attitude is present, that might be one. Diplomacy gets you many things. It is the art of getting the other side to do what you want thinking it was their idea in the first place. You freely acknowledge that you make use of guile in your statement "(I have actually fudged the truth with a guy I am currently seeing. He thinks I am broke and it's way better that way.)" hopefully this is done through omission and not by deliberately misrepresenting yourself. Being caught being dishonest hurts a relationship more than any amount of who is dominant.
From recalling your post from other threads, I do not see that you have any difficulty in getting dates. Finding a LTR is another story. What hurts there more than money and your race is your age. 40 year old women are not seen as desirable by those guys seeking to start a family. However not all guys are seeking that. Your problem is to find them. I do not think they will go looking for you. Instead the guys you will likely encounter are those out for the thrill of the chase. These are not ones to settle down.
I wish you fortune in having the right guy ask you. If not, I am sure some other 40 year old successful lady will have no problem snatching him up. But than again she is no ordinary women, she knew what she wants and goes and gets it.
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