The Fear of Settling (date, girlfriend, marrying, girls)

[HurricaneDC]

There's a reason the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too" exists.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by Lucario

Or you could have hooked up with a person, any person, because you were afraid you wouldn't find anyone else, only to realize later that this person was the wrong person for you.

Sometimes people don't realize how they good they had it until they go out looking for something else. Maybe they find something they think is better only to discover later that it isn't. Or they never find anything better and realize they should've appreciated what they had before. I think part of the problem is that we live in a culture that's constantly telling us that there's something better out there and that you deserve only the best. Like your job? So what? You deserve more money. Like your phone? So what? There's a new version out that's even better. Like your house? So what? Banks are giving away free money so you can buy an even bigger house. People have become objects, things that you can trade in for an upgrade. We do this with everything else so it's no surprise that it's done with actual people.

[ellie]

I think these kinds of people spend far too much worrying about what other people think.

[D217]

Originally Posted by ellie

I think these kinds of people spend far too much worrying about what other people think.

My problem is I spend far too much time worrying about what I think!

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by ellie

I think these kinds of people spend far too much worrying about what other people think.

Which is something you'd think people would eventually outgrow. It's one thing if you're still in high school. But for a 30 or 40 old to still be like this says something.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by HurricaneDC

There's a reason the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too" exists.

It's a bad saying... First you have a piece of cake, then you eat the piece of cake.

The better way is, "You can't eat your cake and have it too" because once you eat it, you can't have it.

[recuerdeme]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

What I find interesting is this fear that people have about being seen as someone who settled.

Hmm and where have you seen or heard about this interesting "fear"?

I've never known anyone to go around worrying that someone thinks he or she settled for their partner.

[lilamx]

To me, settling means resigning to the fact that you won't be able to do any better according to your likes and standards. I think it's kind of sad.

[WestCobb]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

But it seems like in today's culture, that's seen as a bad thing. You deserve the best. Don't accept anything less than perfect. No wonder so many people can't find what they're looking for or they're never happy with what they have already.

You make some great points, Denny. I particularly like this one. Today's culture encourages a narcissistic sense of entitlement. Good recipe for a long life of dissappointments.

[crisan]

I remember thinking at some point...did I settle with my husband? As I got out in the world (because of him) I realized that there were so many different kinds of people out there. There were men who were good listeners, men who were taller, men who were more assertive, men who were more thoughtful, men who were more educated and, of course, men who made more money.

After thinking about all this, I recognized that these were things that other people had to offer and the possibilities can be endless but the man I choose to be with is only one.

If somebody were to tell me that they settled in a negative way, I would say that they are not very resourceful and need to learn a little more interdependence. Perhaps they need to stop looking down on people and start recognizing their strengths.