Why wouldn't he want sexy pics of me? (guys, gay, family)
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Lailababy, I don't think you should concern yourself with this. It could be a number of reasons why, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with "how" you look. He may just place you on a bit of a pedestal.
But, yknow ~ and I know that a lot of people will scoff at this ~ it really isn't smart to start producing nude pictures of yourself, because those things have an increasing tendency to slip out into the open world anymore. Not that HE would release it, but someone else could find the pics. Or he could have some real fun if you two have a bitter break-up.
I honestly think the guy is a closet homosexual. You are probably his beard. He looks at other woman to throw you off. If you have to initiate sex and he has not interest in looking at you, then I have to believe that something is not right. Because that's just not normal.
How can I say this politely? He's probably turned off by the apparent narcissism of a woman who wants him to devote that much time and effort to focusing on her--literally.
Little story: My SO is pretty clear about dropping hints about what he wants for his birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and so on. Usually I ask, anyway, because I know he's a gadget freak and there's always some new thing or tool he needs or wants to try that I would have never heard of otherwise. But from what he says, he's always been pretty good at letting it be known.
For a month, he had hinted to his ex that he wanted something particular for his computer for his birthday.
And she gets him a weekend in the Poconos so they could go and take photos of her.
He? Was ticked. Yes. Let's give someone else a "gift" of having to drive to a tourist trap, then stand around taking photos of the giver. As he said, "It was all about her."
So, sorry, but those photos are more about your need for attention than about what your boyfriend is interested in.
Also, if I were you, I would step back and let him initiate sex and take the lead on romance more. Yes, it's great to be a sexually empowered woman, but many, if not most (heck, if not 99%) of men still enjoy a little mystery and the thrill of the chase. Like it or not, even in this day and age, what many mothers and grandmothers said a long time ago still applies: Nothing is appreciated that is gotten too easily.
How can I say this politely? He's probably turned off by the apparent narcissism of a woman who wants him to devote that much time and effort to focusing on her--literally.
Little story: My SO is pretty clear about dropping hints about what he wants for his birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and so on. Usually I ask, anyway, because I know he's a gadget freak and there's always some new thing or tool he needs or wants to try that I would have never heard of otherwise. But from what he says, he's always been pretty good at letting it be known.
For a month, he had hinted to his ex that he wanted something particular for his computer for his birthday.
And she gets him a weekend in the Poconos so they could go and take photos of her.
He? Was ticked. Yes. Let's give someone else a "gift" of having to drive to a tourist trap, then stand around taking photos of the giver. As he said, "It was all about her."
So, sorry, but those photos are more about your need for attention than about what your boyfriend is interested in.
Also, if I were you, I would step back and let him initiate sex and take the lead on romance more. Yes, it's great to be a sexually empowered woman, but many, if not most (heck, if not 99%) of men still enjoy a little mystery and the thrill of the chase. Like it or not, even in this day and age, what many mothers and grandmothers said a long time ago still applies: Nothing is appreciated that is gotten too easily.
My boyfriend and I have been together only 2yrs a little less and one thing I know, having divorced over attraction issues, is that if you love someone, you have to be mature and realistic about attraction because it won't be new forever. I do a lot to keep it fun and fresh I think. I am willing to try everything and initiate sex 9/10 times we do it. I am usually the one wanting it. Maybe I overwhelm him, but my feelings have been hurt a lot over the fact that he doesn't take my picture(nude) or ask for sexy pics of me or even mention it to me or respond when I send him a topless pic of me. It is the craziest f------thing! Just writing this is so absurdly obvious that he doesn't find me attractive. What other option is there? Oh, I'm almost 40 but pretty hot still. Not large boobs but nice ones I think and tall and pretty enough? He insists that he is attracted and when I initiate sex he almost always gets into it, but he truely never shows desire for me first. and the photo thing is just beyond me! He likes to look at pics of women on line and I'm sure he watches porn a little so why not ever want a picture of me to look at? even if you don't get turned on by pics of your GF like you would a porn star, shouldn't you at least fake it to make her feel good? What is going on with this guy?
I believe the problem is you. You mentioned a few times that you are attractive, but not hot. I get the feeling that you are the one with the issue here in that you see your boyfriend's refusal of accepting nudie pics of you as some kind of slap to your unattractive face.
You've been with the guy for two years, he is attracted to you.
Let me tell you a few things:
Why would he initiate sex when you initiate it 90% of the time. Now, I may have missed something, but perhaps he enjoys having you as the sexual aggressor. You did mention that he gets into it.
Guys like to look at nudie pics of women they otherwise would not have the chance to see naked in real life. Which is why it is typical (but not always the case) for a man to look at porn more often while he is single, but to have the viewings significantly decrease or stop outright when he is in a relationship.
He does not want a nude pic of you because:
A. He gets the real deal from you. Why would he need a pic? So he could whack-off to your image when you are not around?
B. Their is the possibility that he could have concerns about other people finding the pics. Such as if he lost his phone or a friend/co-worker needed to use his phone and "accidentally" came across the pics.
To add: Why would you want to send him pics, anyways? Do you know how many 'revenge' websites exists that feature nude pics of exes? Or websites that feature nude pics of someone's SO that was added without their consent? They do exists, and in great number.
Upset your BF, and your beaver could easily be uploaded for all the world to see.
Anyways, as a guy, I wouldn't mind nudie pics of a GF if she offered, but I would rather have them as actual photo's, not a digital image on my phone or computer. But it would get awkward if the relationship was to end (as they usually do) What I really wouldn't mind having is a nice, clothed-but-revealing, sexy picture instead. Suggestive photos are far more of a turn-on than full blown nudity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27
Im sorry to say..he must be gay..
he may be looking at other women..maybe trying to throw you off
your sexy and he wont look at you..he's gay
Okay I going to do a major no no here but I did not read every single post, just most of them. You say you got divorced over attraction issues. Were those issues where your former spouse did not find you attractive? Were you cheated on? Are you using that experience in this new relationship? Is this producing insecurity so where you feel the need to make things lively and erotic on a consistent basis?
I am just going to make an observation or rather an assumption from what you have said so far, I think you are probably high energy, flirty and an exhibitionist. Sounds like your bf is the opposite with being more reserved. Maybe you do not share the same sex drive. I do not think he is gay. Opposites can be good but you may have to embrace that quality and not internalize how he feels about you because he does not act the same as you.
There is a guy my husband works with that has a ton of naked pictures of his gf on his phone. Pictures she has taken and sent to him. This guy shows everyone the pictures. I thought he was a pig and figured his poor gf would be upset. Turns out she loved it and one of the main reasons she sent the pictures. So that is their thing. How would you feel if your bf were to show your pictures to someone else? Would it upset you or thrill you? If it would thrill you then I would say this relationship is doomed because your guy just isn't into that sort of thing. You are going to become increasingly dissatisfied with his behavior. A lot of men look at porn because men are visual. They are looking at porn to satisfy a need at the moment. That woman in the photo means nothing to them. So some guys aren't all that interested in a naked photo of their woman because he has her and its emotional not just purely visual.
Im interested at how many of you think it is normal not to want naked pics of a girlfriend. I guess that helps me be at peace with it. I disagree with this huge concern some of you have with the photos being misused on the internet. There are lterally billions os nude pics out there and it is naive to think all my friends and family are going to runacross my photo while surfing. It would only show my boyfriend in a bad light if he did that not me. The desire to have pics of your gf is not new with digital media it is a sweet oldfashioned idea in my opinion but maybe it has been ruined by all the revenge websites. Most people and certainly not my boyfriend is that cruel or tacky. Anyway, thanks for everyone's input. It has helped.
I'm absolutely positive that my husband would not want semi-naked sexy pictures of me even if they were taken in my most advanced stages of "hotness" of years gone by. He is a shy and very private man and such grandstanding would embarrass and overwhelm him. It would be a definite turn off to him, the same being true for PDA beyond hand holding a simple greeting kisses. Being modest and pretty reserved myself, I fully understand and respect his needs and wishes. We are well matched.
If you have discussed this matter with your boyfriend and can come to no real understanding and if your need for repeated sexual affirmation outweighs the other benefits of the relationship, you may need to move on to a partner that is a better match for you in this area.
And to reiterate a Seinfeld-ism that is funny and true, there is good naked and bad naked. Sometimes too much, too easy spoils a normally good thing.
He doesn't need to be looking at pictures of you when he already has you. He can just see you naked life without anything stopping him. Men enjoy looking at pictures of women they cannot have or could only have very rarely, or perhaps in the very beginning of relationship when it's still fresh.
I was going to write something along these lines, but I decided to read through the thread and see if someone else would beat me to the punch. I'm surprised it was a woman who did so. You have a keen understanding of men, max's.
OP, I wouldn't necessarily take the picture thing as an insult. As for the non initiation of sex, that's more troubling. If I were you, I'd quit initiating and see what happens as an experiment.
He doesn't need to be looking at pictures of you when he already has you. He can just see you naked life without anything stopping him. Men enjoy looking at pictures of women they cannot have or could only have very rarely, or perhaps in the very beginning of relationship when it's still fresh.
Some men don't feel comfortable receiving anything provocative on the phone, although I don't think it's the case here otherwise he would have already told you.
That's what I think....I only send nudie pics to the bf's I don't see very often. That way they have something to look forward to. But then again, my pics are not lewd/raunchy, just works of art.
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