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i'm interested in this thread because this has been one issue that affected me personally, to put it bluntly, it ended my marriage as i am currently going through early divorce proceedings. Still, every cloud has a very silver lining, because i am finally out of miami for good!
Firstly, i see a couple of you clearly are man-haters. Get over yourselves. The early feminists of the women's suffrage movement wanted equality, not a society in which men were dirt and always to blame, even in this case, when the "wife" seems to get off on opposite sex interests and is so clueless that she cannot see the wood for the trees, despite the fact that dozens of people even here have pointed it out to her, yet she continues to put her friend ahead of her marriage, much like my soon-to-be ex wife did with her own "little brother".
Let's be objective here and look at the information the op has given us, basically shooting herself in the foot:
1) the friend has a past history of using women and being reckless.
2) he chose to confide in a married woman, playing the "pity" card, which as a red blooded man, is an attempt to get into jmassey's pants!
3) jm's hubby told her that he is fine with her having male friends, but he doesn't like this particular guy (gee, i wonder why?).
4) jm wonders why her hubby goes quiet, but as a man who was in a similar position, i am guessing that it's because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings or create drama, being as jm claims to have few friends of either gender.
5) clearly, jm has posted here to seek validation for what is essentially the beginnings of an emotional affair. Perhaps she should just go ahead and screw her "friend" already, because we all know where this is heading.
Men and women can be platonic friends, but too many boundaries are being crossed here. Shame on those of you who defend this woman's actions. She is cheating and is blatantly wiping her ass with her marriage vows by putting what seems to be nothing more than a casual opposite sex friendship with a complete and utter loser ahead of her husband's needs. I'm sure he isn't throwing tantrums; it sounds like he's just too nice to tell his idiotic wife how he really feels.
Those of you who clearly have man-hating issues need to **** and get over yourselves. I would say the same thing if it were a wife being played by her husband. Regardless of whether it's the husband or the wife doing this to their partner and causing them unnecessary pain, it's wrong.
OP, you are MARRIED...now, that doesn't mean you should cloister yourself away from the world, and not have ANY friends, but your husband is acting like he is for a reason...and no, that doesn't make him a 'jerk', or a 'loser', or 'selfish and immature'...in fact, OP is lucky that hubby hasn't gone medieval and tracked dude down and fed him a couple of knuckle sandwiches, while politely telling him to step the **** off and keep clear of his wife...
Since the noble art of the chastity belt maker is no longer practice in modern time, and shining suits of armor are no longer in fashion, why do you belove medieval attitudes and behaviors should be acceptable or considered more rational as a coping strategy for modern forms of relating and relationships?
Would it be better or worse if a guy has girl friends he can relate with, in the mean time?
Just my last comment on here. To the person who privately sent me the comment about me having no idea what a "good marriage" looks like just because she/he didn't agree with my viewpoint, how mature and non-condescending . I at least know what's healthy and not healthy in a relationship and would not put up with anything that's not. Thank you anyway .
Yeah, that's that inconvenient part about the vows we take when we get married, dang it. We're actually supposed to LIVE UP to the things we promise at the alter, imagine that.
Not everybody takes those vows, LM. People write their own - like "till we no longer can stand splitting the thermostat difference," for example. Actually, I'm not sure if this part is included even in the more traditional ones these days...
For giving me a chance to come off the sidelines...this was another thread I read with great interest, and there have been any number of well-thought-out posts herein...but here's my take on it...
OP, you are MARRIED...now, that doesn't mean you should cloister yourself away from the world, and not have ANY friends, but your husband is acting like he is for a reason...and no, that doesn't make him a 'jerk', or a 'loser', or 'selfish and immature'...in fact, OP is lucky that hubby hasn't gone medieval and tracked dude down and fed him a couple of knuckle sandwiches, while politely telling him to step the **** off and keep clear of his wife...
My wife has friends, both male and female, who were in her life BEFORE I got there, and will likely be there long after I'm gone...same with me and MY friends...we're both on Facebook, and that hasn't caused the earth to open up and swallow us, because we have a mutually strong trust of each other, and what's more, we TALK to each other whenever there's an issue, so that small tiffs don't lead to major blow-ups...
But I digress...OP's hubby must have extraordinary olfactory nerves, because he smells a rat, and his wife is too concerned with wringing her hands and crying 'Oh Harold...whyever should I cast my little brother out? He's just a FRIEND!' Yeah...the kind of friend Gordon Lightfoot was singing about when he said: 'Sundown, ya better take care, if I catch you creepin' 'round my back stairs'
And as far as him being a musician? Well no offense to any musicians hereabouts, but I wouldn't care if he could strum with one hand, bake biscuits with the other, and read the Sunday NY Times with his feet, at the same time...and hubby being jealous of dude's talent? Bullsnarkey...he's trying to let his wife know that there's something rotten nearby, and it ain't just Limburger...The Guitar Man has major issues, NOT the kind he needs to be sharing with a married friend, judging by what I've been able to piece together from info offered by the OP...by all rights, she should endeavor to find a way to tell him that his presence is causing a rift in her marriage, and maybe it's wise if they limit contact with each other...
That's not hubby trying to be controlling either...WTF? I'm willing to bet he really loves his wife, and isn't trying to control her at all---just let her know that her friend is a problem, and needs to go...and that ain't being judgmental and forcing values on someone else---that's the sound of people trying to let the OP know she should listen to her husband, and the two of them need to talk about this before it's too late, and either hubby says 'adios' and walks away, or Guitar Man succeeds in running wifey's bloomers up the flagpole in the town square, after he's succeeded in slipping her the ol' high hard one...only time will tell
"You must spread some reputation around before you give it to captaincatfish again"
Not everybody takes those vows, LM. People write their own - like "till we no longer can stand splitting the thermostat difference," for example. Actually, I'm not sure if this part is included even in the more traditional ones these days...
Good point.
You gotta love the way people are getting so creative these days with those "vows"
You can just imagine what they say to themselves, "let's see how I can phrase this stuff so I'm not really obligated to anything I don't want to be obligated to"
What do you mean you "found" him on Facebook? Are you going around looking for your old male friends?
My gut is firing here big time. I think there's more to this story than you're letting on. My hunch is that others are picking up on it, too, which is why you're getting the responses you're getting.
No one is saying that you can't have male friends. No one is saying that you have to give in to jealous tantrums, either.
But they are saying that your husband and marriage should be more important to you than this "friend."
If I were you, I would step away from this renewed friendship, slowly and quietly. No flouncing. No grand announcements either to your friend or your husband. No "my husband doesn't want me talking to you" and no "there, I cut him off, HAPPY NOW?" In other words, no drama. Maintain your dignity AND your husband's.
Just fall out of touch with the guy, be too busy for his calls, lose his number, fail to return his emails, and stop "liking" things on his page. Let the situation putter out and demonstrate to both of them through your actions that this new friend is not a big deal to you. That way you don't feel like you've been manipulated, your husband knows you did the right thing (because you will never mention this friend to him again), the friend doesn't get any wrong ideas, and you've all saved face.
Oh well, I am unsubscribing to this thread. It's obvious there's no getting through to the o.p. She's going to do what she wants because she thinks she's not getting herself into anything. Such is life. Everyone has to learn the hard way and the lesson she'll learn from this is once it becomes a regret it's too late.
Oh well, I am unsubscribing to this thread. It's obvious there's no getting through to the o.p. She's going to do what she wants because she thinks she's not getting herself into anything. Such is life. Everyone has to learn the hard way and the lesson she'll learn from this is once it becomes a regret it's too late.
I think you are right, and, Divorce lawyers gotta work too.
I don't know who sent me that comment on my reputation thing but that was really rude! You people act like I'm cheating.
We had a fight last night because now he is convinced that I am talking to my friend constantly on Facebook (I wasn't). Our marriage is falling apart slowly. He does not trust me at all.
He also just had to bring to my attention that my friend was arrested but was caught with a suspended license. I knew about the other issue he was arrested for (it was his ex gf's fault), but not the suspended license (though I don't care because I care more that my paranoid husband is now doing background checks on my friends!!).
He just keeps saying the same crap about how he doesn't like my friend and that my friend is an awful person. He won't flat out tell me to stop taking to him, as if this is a game to get me to back down and ditch my friend and give into my husband's paranoia.
Oh and the sorry I'm not in a band crap came out again, but I never married my husband for that reason.
This isn't about cheating. It's about standing firm and not letting a man dictate who you are friends with. As some of you have said it's 2011 not the middle ages and we're not living in Saudi Arabia where women get killed.
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. I at least know what's healthy and not healthy in a relationship and would not put up with anything that's not. Thank you anyway 
.
What do you mean you "found" him on Facebook? Are you going around looking for your old male friends?
