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I believe in ANY type of relationship there is never a complete 50/50 agreement whenther it is spoken or implied.
Someone tend to be the more dominant figure in the relationship whether it is at work with a peer, a friend, and also in marriage.
Being the less dominant part of a relationship does not mean you are less of a person as far as I am concerned. That does not make the other person superior. It is just how a relationship develops plain and simple.
There are many couples that still follow the 'traditional' arrangement. In many of those couples the man may open the door for the wife and may be the brad winner but I assure you the wife is just as assertive as the husband. They agreed on what roles they follow and respect each other.
I do open the car door for my wife and have been the bread winner the moment we both decided it was best for her to stay home and take care of the family at home. That did not demean her in the least bit. When it comes to the home finances SHE is the final word on how the money is spent for the good of the family and it has resulted in very good and solid financial result so why should I argue with success? She knows I have the final say on other areas of the family decisions.
The bottom line is what each couple agrees with. You do not like a traditional setting? Great. Just find yourself a lady that believes the way you do and that should increase the odds on you having a happy life with someone else.
I do not know why you allow it to get you sick and tired why others say or behave in their relationships as they do unless you like to meddle too much on others business or are looking to much into what others do. Take care.
I agree. As long as you agree, everything is fine.
One problem I see is that having children changes things. Often there is a shift of balance when babies are born and it's not something both parties agreed to. For example, my husband never got up with the babies. I couldn't lay there and let them cry so I did even when I felt he should. If they woke me up and he was still sleeping, he'd get PO'd if I woke him up. His logic was I was up so I should take care of it.
Now, he wanted me working (I also wanted to work) but he wasn't willing to do half of the midnight diaper changes or walk the floor with a fussy baby. We went from equal partners to me doing the pigs share in a heartbeat and it put a strain on our marriage. I was the primary bread winner and I was walking the floor night after night with a fussy baby. In his mind, the baby was my job. In mine, she was both of our job.
I'm sittin' here thinkin' there's something awfully wrong with your man-picker since you seem to gravitate towards bums. I get the distinct impression someone(s) done ya wrong an' turned ya into a misandrist. I feel very sorry for you. For every bum out there, there are lots of us who truly partner with our wives.
State of denial indeed!
Yeah, sorry...both stats and personal experience (including what every almost every woman I know says about their well-meaning but household chore inept men) bear out the fact that most men don't do enough household chores...or at least not nearly in the proportion that women do.
Why do guys even care about a selfish women who is only with you based off what you can potentially do for her.
no I don't hold the door for my women, I don't pull the chair for her, no I don't give her money to get her nails done, buy her car. etc. etc.
At the same time I don't order her around, I don't expect her to cook or wash my dirty underwear, and I don't expect her to be silent when I speak.
She pays. I pay.
I was the dishes she washes the dishes.
They want to be equal. Well we are equal and thats how I treat them.
And all the guys who do tolerate a selfish, lazy, manipulative women only because of their good looks you get exactly what you deserve.
That’s how it goes between me and the girls I go out with or had a relationship with. Paying for dinners/entertainment/etc., taking turns, splitting, opening doors, romancing each other, etc. Has not had a “Male label”. These gestures come back and forth naturally. And no, they don’t start doing these things after we have gone through the months or years of initial/beginning stages, nope, we do this since DATE #1, right from the start, right off the bat. They like it, I like it, it’s all good .
I don't disagree with the title of your thread. Both people need to make a contribution to the relationship and it's NEVER going to be even all the time. I am a woman and I have always done more than my share financially.
But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a man who is gentlemanly and will open a door or hold a chair. I put great value on a man who has good manners. I do things for him too. Yes, I'll do his laundry and bake him a cake. I want to do nice things for my SO. And he wants to be kind to me as well. Kindness breeds kindness, or at least it should.
Doing my share financially doesn't mean I want to be treated like one of his male friends. It's not the same!
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
Exactly. And in the case I showed, it was obviously I was significantly stronger than this boy, being both three times his age and very athletic (at the time). I honestly think whoever is stronger should carry more, but whoever isn't as strong should also carry as much as they can.
Women are a lot stronger than they're given credit for socially. There is also a biological difference there because men simply have more muscle mass so they are on average stronger than women on average, but the difference isn't nearly as much as we make it out to be. And needless to say, a healthy woman should carry something before a young boy or an elderly man for the same reason.
I think the silly modern notion is that women simply can't be strong, and the only strong women are female bodybuilders or weightlifters. This is no different to the stereotype that black people can't be smart. We've discarded the latter for the most part, but the former is still alive and well. In the same way it's more acceptable to beat up a frail 80 year old man than a healthy woman. Both should be equally unacceptable.
I agree. The problem is that women are still responsible for home and hearth in addition to now being bread winners. We really need men to do their share. For some reason, they seem to think we should pick up breadwinning and they still get to do what they always did...which isn't much around the house.
Don't blame us! Feminism taught us that you wanted it this way.
Interesting. Despite the fact that women are now perceived to be financially "equal" to men, women are still stuck with the lion's share of housework and child rearing. It would appear the partners of these income-earning/bill paying women co-providers are weasling out of doing their fare share in this area of the relationship. There are some narcissistic men out there who want the perks of being with an "equal partner" as long as it is convenient for them.
Don't blame us! Feminism taught us that you wanted it this way.
That never meant we had to accept all of it.
Equality, yes. Total loss of gender differences and rolls, never!
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