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I was married to a SAHM for 25 years. A few years after the divorce I married a former coworker who was in my profession and we're now going on 15 years.
It was appropriate for the ex to be a SAHM as we were raising children. However, if I had it to do over (besides the obvious of not marrying her in the first place) I would have wanted her to become fully tenured and vested in a profession before beginning to have children. That would be as much for her future security as it would be about household income.
Part of the problem with the marriage was that she never watched the news, took no interest in my career and everything was always and only about the children to the complete exclusion of their father. A major part of of the problem on my plate was that I grew resentful and shut down so she wasn't receiving emotional support either. I also grew bored. Just how much interaction can there be in a conversation about dusting the keyholes?
My wife continued to work for the first six years of our marriage but had to retire in 2002 for medical reasons (No. Not a disability retirement issue). I continued to work for another six years. Now we're both retired and drawing our pensions and Social Security. One of the nice things about being in the same profession is that we both speak the stylized language of politics and legislation and we always had/have something to talk about. The dual income was nice as well.
So in summary, I see a mixed bag as being preferable. Career > children > return to career later.
Career woman. I prefer aggressive go-getters with ambition and goals. I like a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. One who disregards tradition as useless red tape that only holds people back. A woman that makes her own destiny and isn't passive to just accept what falls into her lap.
They don't have an income, there's no taxes on it. But their husband gets a break on HIS taxes, so it's nice for him. A higher standard deduction and an exemption, lowering his taxable income.
I voted for my husband. He told me once that he does not care what I do as long as I don't stay home. A SAHW is the one thing he does not want. His first wife was a SAHM and he had enough of that back then.
What I presented were two individual characters, not archetypes or women representative of the stereotypical stay-at-home mom or career woman. Respondents were supposed to choose one of the two women as their wife.
Although neither is representative of their class as a whole, women exactly like the two described surely exist. The stay-at-home mom I based on the traditional Mexican ideal of a wife (and for those who ask, the "sexually passive and traditional" is there because of the distinction between virgins and whores that was prevalent in Mexican society, or so I read); the career woman, as the opposite of my ideal wife.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Post 23. He clarified after a bunch of people jumped in with OMG I AM NOT LIKE THAT. It makes sense to me because I am not taking it personally.
I guess I'm just misunderstanding you all the way around, Julia. In post #23 he specifically states that he's not referring to stereotypes. meh.
eta: btw, it has nothing to do with taking anything personally, on my part at least. It's a matter of noting nonsense is all.
I'm voting for d) "halfway between (a) and (b)". I need a woman that is able to work, but who is accepting and content in making her vocation flexible and subordinate to the potential mobility of the household as required by my career. I'm not a big proponent of power couples, always one move away from a deal breaker disagreement/long distance relationship. Likewise, I recognize I'll never be able to attract a SAHW, as I will not remarry without a prenup dissolving community property and even I consider said construct a big gamble for the non-working spouse.
So, "secondary non-breadwinner income employable" woman is my vote. I frankly don't care if it's part time or full time as long as she's happy pursuing said employment and happy to stick with the household if relocations for my career are warranted. Clear as mud?
Again, I did not intend on creating a poll to determine whether the poster population preferred a stay-at-home mother or a career woman - although I see how posters could have misunderstood my intention, especially considering the thread title.
Thinking deeper, in reality this dichotomy could possibly correspond to something in reality: hormone levels. The first woman would have a low testosterone level, even for a woman; the second would have a higher testosterone level than most women.
Yes, the title of the thread implied your main interest was SAHM vs. Career Mom.
As far as hormone levels, I disagree. I know of too many married career women who are too tired for sex. Not all of them. But the fact that there are so many implies that the extra testosterone isn't very effective against a jam-packed life.
...most men would rather have the choice but now days, very few make a sufficient income to support a SAHM, unless they both work for a number of years before they have a family and save, save, save. Very few couples are capable of sustaining this disciplined approach.
This of course explains why young guys with family wealth are so in demand now days. This is a big change from a few decades back, when only shallow gold diggers were like this and in general such women were not respected.
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