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Hope is not lost. There are working mothers who great mothers. I was referring to the ones who are simply paychecks. There is not enough information in the OP to decide which mother would discipline better.
I agree completely, my mom was a career woman but she had a small daycare chain thats she operated so I would go to work with her.
One thing that people seem to forget about "career women" is that some of them actually are quite good at what they do and actually contribute to society and business in unique and individual ways.
I do a job that is very selective and skilled. I was sought out and recruited for the position after 300 applicants, male and female, could not cut it. It is a job that no one can do in exactly the same way as I do it.
There are lots of women like me who pursue careers not because of money, or because of a need for independence, but because we are just damn good and our talents are needed out there.
Your definitions are very black and white. A lot of women fall in between the 2 extremes. I, for example, am very traditional but I'm also very ambitious and would not be able to function without a career, I wouldn't feel fulfilled or happy. At this point in my life, I only see myself furthering myself in my career, no thoughts about pursuing a family. When the time comes, who knows what will happen.
When I got married, my earning potential was important to my husband. I made more than him every year until our first child was born. Even then, I continued to work. We worked opposite shifts since he didn't believe in daycare. We never really saw each other, the house was always messy and we fought about whose job it was to clean it, we usually had fast food for dinner, he never did laundry and I only did it once a week, neither of us really got enough sleep, etc...
Six months into my second pregnancy, my doctor said I had to stop working and take it easy at home until the baby was born. I was planning to go back three months after she was born. So basically I would have been home six months at the most. During the time I was home, the house got clean, we started eating real food, my husband and I actually got to spend some time together, our older child got potty-trained (she was three and a half and not toilet trained because he stuck her in diapers the second I left for work), and we actually started spending less money, because we were eating at home, using less gas since only one of us had to get to work, not having to buy work clothes for me, etc...
I was ready to go back to work and even a little eager, but my husband asked me not to. It's been six years since I worked now. The option is always there, if we end up needing the money. We argue less now, since the household roles are clearly defined...no more fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes or give the kids a bath, etc. I don't have any problem letting him support me, or spending "his" money. It probably sounds really old-fashioned to most people, but it works well for us. I trust him to provide for us, and he depends on me to keep a clean and comfortable home, and take good care of the kids.
When I got married, my earning potential was important to my husband. I made more than him every year until our first child was born. Even then, I continued to work. We worked opposite shifts since he didn't believe in daycare. We never really saw each other, the house was always messy and we fought about whose job it was to clean it, we usually had fast food for dinner, he never did laundry and I only did it once a week, neither of us really got enough sleep, etc...
Six months into my second pregnancy, my doctor said I had to stop working and take it easy at home until the baby was born. I was planning to go back three months after she was born. So basically I would have been home six months at the most. During the time I was home, the house got clean, we started eating real food, my husband and I actually got to spend some time together, our older child got potty-trained (she was three and a half and not toilet trained because he stuck her in diapers the second I left for work), and we actually started spending less money, because we were eating at home, using less gas since only one of us had to get to work, not having to buy work clothes for me, etc...
I was ready to go back to work and even a little eager, but my husband asked me not to. It's been six years since I worked now. The option is always there, if we end up needing the money. We argue less now, since the household roles are clearly defined...no more fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes or give the kids a bath, etc. I don't have any problem letting him support me, or spending "his" money. It probably sounds really old-fashioned to most people, but it works well for us. I trust him to provide for us, and he depends on me to keep a clean and comfortable home, and take good care of the kids.
This is not old fashioned. This is what marriage is about. You are doing a great job.
I would advise every SAHW/SAHM to do following things to secure their future :
1) Work part time from home. May be a couple of hours per day. That will give you $500 to at most $1000 per month. You can have this as your own income. You can save them for future, buy your personal things and can gift your husband on his birthday.
2) Make sure that the husband has a life insurance policy of at least $500k and you are the beneficiary. Thus, unfortunately if anything happens to your husband in future, you and your child/children are drowned in to poverty.
3) Make sure that your husband max outs your retirement account to which only you can access in any condition. (Thus, if things turn sour in future you will still have your retirement account)
These 3 steps will make you feel less dependent on him "financially" and also you will enjoy your stay at home life.
Why throw in the extra differentiator of sexually passive or aggressive? You're complicating things. You now have two independent variables. It's not a controlled comparison. What about an aggressive SAHM or passive working woman?
My response ignoring the extra variable: SAHM.
You're creating a sterotype of each type of women. Why say a career women is aggressive while the SAHM is passive. Ever heard of tiger mother? These mothers are ruthless in getting their children into school and sports activities to have them climb the ranks of society.
And not all women that work want to climb the career ladder either.
When you set yourself up for these sterotypes and ways of thinking, you're setting yourself up for failure in your relationship with women.
The OP specifically said he was presenting two stereotypes and asked men to pick which one they preferred. Of course not everybody fits a stereotype. It's no different from being asked, "Which would you rather have, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, or carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?" Other kids of cake exist, yes, but "Chocolate cake with vanilla frosting" was not an option presented.
Let's say you already make enough on your own to support your family with a moderate level of comfort and go on a week-long vacation in minimal luxury once or twice a year. That assumed, which wife would you prefer:
SAHM: Very traditional. Does not have a career and has not had a career since she was pregnant with your first child, 13 years ago. Watches the children at home. Cooks seven nights a week, except when the family eats out, which is rare due to budget constraints and her quality of cooking, which is excellent. Almost all household chores (except those traditionally done by males) done by her and your eldest daughter. Sexually passive and traditional. Happy and satisfied in her role.
Career woman: Aggressive in her career, at which she makes as much as you. Takes the kids to a daycare. Cooks one or two nights a week; the remainder of the nights you eat out, you cook, have left-overs, or convenience food is prepared.. Household chores divided almost equally among the partners. Sexually aggressive. With her additional income, you are able to live to a higher standard, e.g. a 65" flat screen instead of a 42"; BMWs and MBs instead of Buicks and Fords. Happy and satisfied in her role.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
The OP specifically said he was presenting two stereotypes and asked men to pick which one they preferred. Of course not everybody fits a stereotype. It's no different from being asked, "Which would you rather have, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, or carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?" Other kids of cake exist, yes, but "Chocolate cake with vanilla frosting" was not an option presented.
Not that I care about the OP really, but please show me where in the OP there is a mention of stereotypes, let alone specifics. I'm missing it. Actually, I don't see it mentioned on the first page. Also, folk don't get to willy nilly redefine and characterize stereotypes as they wish while having all their readers on board as if all are capable of deciphering the exact same gibberish.
I would prefer a career women, an equal. My ex an I did opposite shift. I was at home during the day with the kids and did the housework. I also made them help. They went next door to a babysitter when I went to work because out schedules overlapped. Ihad been doing housework since I started kindergarten and cooking since I was 10. My mom stayed at home until my sister started school and then she went work. I was twelve. She stayed at home because because I was at school and my sister was too young to stay at home by herself. We were taught that we were a family and we had to act like it. That meant we pulled our weight. If she told us to clean our rooms and we choose not to, she would do it her way. She left us our bedding and clothes. We learned quickly to do what we told when we were told to do it. Crying to dad got us punished.
The stereotype that you've drawn of both SAHMs and women who are employed are unrealistic.
Not every woman with a job is a driven corporate climber who is aggressive in and out of the boardroom. Not every woman who parents full-time is a meek, timid mouse with antiquated values.
Not all wives are mothers either - if you want to talk about stereotypes.
20yrsinBranson
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