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Thank you for clarifying. But, I am still stuck on things not working out with your boyfriend, yet you still have the possibility of remaining in the relationship while having a side fling with his best on the down low. You are seriously trying to have your cake and eat it too.
If you don't want to cause any drama, remove yourself from the situation entirely. I don't think the best friend owes YOU an explanation; he owes his friend.
Frankly, I feel really sorry for the boyfriend. Not only does his girlfriend mess around with another dude, but his best friend is the other dude. This is a real crappy situation.
The thing about the other guy is that he keeps telling me how guilty he feels, yet he keeps doing it. I don't get it. I figure he must not feel *that* guilty, otherwise he'd stop. Am I wrong here?
Thank you for clarifying. But, I am still stuck on things not working out with your boyfriend, yet you still have the possibility of remaining in the relationship while having a side fling with his best on the down low. You are seriously trying to have your cake and eat it too.
If you don't want to cause any drama, remove yourself from the situation entirely. I don't think the best friend owes YOU an explanation; he owes his friend.
Frankly, I feel really sorry for the boyfriend. Not only does his girlfriend mess around with another dude, but his best friend is the other dude. This is a real crappy situation.
I'm really not trying to have my cake and eat it too. I've tried to end things with my boyfriend, told him I'm moving out, etc., and he says things like, "Breaking up doesn't count until you move out". So I feel really stuck here until I can get everything in order.
It's hard to remove myself from the situation because, like I said, we have a group of friends who all hang out on the weekends pretty regularly. Even if I just stayed home and didn't do anything, eventually it would be like, what's up with her? Why doesn't she ever come out?
I'm rather stuck on why you are more concerned about this guy's feelings than your boyfriend?
Are you equally expressing your own guilt when you meet up with him? Perhaps he does have feelings for you but he, at least from how you are portraying him, seems to be concerned about your boyfriend's feelings and their friendship. That is admirable.
Again, wait till you end things with your boyfriend, give it a few months to let things cool off and then approach the best friend. If you two genuinely are into each other, then why not let the sticky situation with the boyfriend end.
Then, if your boyfriend has a hard time accepting that the relationship is over, sit him down and explain to him that you have begun dating other people and that you are ready to move on. Others may disagree, but I wouldn't disclose that you were messing around with his best friend. I rather think that task falls on the best friend to sort out. They may have something that is saveable where as it seems that your relationship is well beyond that.
Let me give you an example. Two weekends ago, I tried to break things off with the best friend. This was Friday. I took an evening nap on Saturday and woke up, and here he was in my house playing Wii with my bf. I hung out with them for a while, and went back to sleep. When I woke up on Sunday, he was still here!
It's really hard to move on from someone when they're around all the time. I've really never experienced anything like this. Usually, when you break things off with someone, they GO AWAY for at least a while. Not the case in this situation. It's hard to move on from your feelings when the person is around all the time.
I'm rather stuck on why you are more concerned about this guy's feelings than your boyfriend?
Are you equally expressing your own guilt when you meet up with him? Perhaps he does have feelings for you but he, at least from how you are portraying him, seems to be concerned about your boyfriend's feelings and their friendship. That is admirable.
Again, wait till you end things with your boyfriend, give it a few months to let things cool off and then approach the best friend. If you two genuinely are into each other, then why not let the sticky situation with the boyfriend end.
I'm concerned about both of their feelings. The thing is, I'm managing the bf's feelings for now, he's fine. But I feel like I need to help the other guy feel ok as well. I want to have as few causalities as possible.
here's the thing: I'll prob see him this weekend, when we all hang out as a group, but I'd really like to talk to him alone before that and figure out what we're going to do. If it's breaking things off for now, that's fine. But he and I have never had a serious, sit-down conversation about things and I think that's why they keep happening, despite his and my guilt. I think if we laid all our cards out on the table, we could make something stick.
What do you think?
I know it sounds really, really lame, but it's hard to move on from someone you like when you're forced to see them a lot, also knowing that they really like you, too.
You have to be sending mixed signals to your boyfriend. I mean, look at the title of your thread: "Slept with my boyfriend's best friend" and not "Slept with my ex's best friend". I can understand the complexity behind living with someone and not having the place/resources to move out immediately, but you seem to be living in this gray area with him and that is allowing him to think that things are probably better than what they are.
And you've made 2 guys who considered each other to be best friends into enemies. Congratulations. You will not have any sympathy from me.
I agree with you and I generally find women who overlap men and leave the previous one only when another one is lined-up because they can't breathe on their own quite pathetic.
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