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You have to be sending mixed signals to your boyfriend. I mean, look at the title of your thread: "Slept with my boyfriend's best friend" and not "Slept with my ex's best friend". I can understand the complexity behind living with someone and not having the place/resources to move out immediately, but you seem to be living in this gray area with him and that is allowing him to think that things are probably better than what they are.
My bf just doesn't get it because he doesn't want to get it. I think he's really in denial about everything. I'm trying to be as honest as I can be without breaking his heart. Also, I'm in a bind until I can get everything together to move out. I'm trying to make everything work as hard as I can.
I'm concerned about both of their feelings. The thing is, I'm managing the bf's feelings for now, he's fine. But I feel like I need to help the other guy feel ok as well. I want to have as few causalities as possible.
here's the thing: I'll prob see him this weekend, when we all hang out as a group, but I'd really like to talk to him alone before that and figure out what we're going to do. If it's breaking things off for now, that's fine. But he and I have never had a serious, sit-down conversation about things and I think that's why they keep happening, despite his and my guilt. I think if we laid all our cards out on the table, we could make something stick.
What do you think?
I know it sounds really, really lame, but it's hard to move on from someone you like when you're forced to see them a lot.
To me, when I read that you want to sit down with the best friend to sort things out, it seems that you either want to a) make up a fib to pass along to the boyfriend or b) have another opportunity to hook up. I know it is hard to move on from someone when you see them all the time, but you still have to let them know that things are definitely over and that you are ready to move on with your life. Again, you owe a sit-down conversation with your boyfriend; not the guy that you want to continue messing around with.
To me, when I read that you want to sit down with the best friend to sort things out, it seems that you either want to a) make up a fib to pass along to the boyfriend or b) have another opportunity to hook up. I know it is hard to move on from someone when you see them all the time, but you still have to let them know that things are definitely over and that you are ready to move on with your life. Again, you owe a sit-down conversation with your boyfriend; not the guy that you want to continue messing around with.
What I want to do is either end it once and for all or not end it and figure out the next steps I need to take if the best friend and I are going to try to have a go at it. I mean, from an honest, all cards on the table go at it, not sneaking behind people's backs.
My bf just doesn't get it because he doesn't want to get it. I think he's really in denial about everything. I'm trying to be as honest as I can be without breaking his heart. Also, I'm in a bind until I can get everything together to move out. I'm trying to make everything work as hard as I can.
You already broke his heart when you slept with his best friend. He just doesn't know it yet.
Stop trying to avoid hurting him. If you want things to end, it is going to cause pain. He is going to hurt. And that is fine because one day, he will get over it, meet an awesome girl, and move on with his life. I really think you should just cut the strings and be done with it.
I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen between them.
That being said, it takes two, so I'm not going to take 100% of the blame.
Also, I'm pretty much going to ignore the venting/angry posts in this thread from here on out.
Come on! It does not take two to cheat on the person you are with. It was up to you to tell your bf's best friend that you could not cheat like that. Lets say that your new guy and you are now bf and gf, and he has sex with a close female friend of yours?
Now if you have had broken the relationship with your bf first, then if would have been a different story.
My bf just doesn't get it because he doesn't want to get it. I think he's really in denial about everything. I'm trying to be as honest as I can be without breaking his heart. Also, I'm in a bind until I can get everything together to move out. I'm trying to make everything work as hard as I can.
Any breakup situation is going to be painful for the other person or both people. You should let him know that you two aren't in a relationship anymore and you're trying to move out as fast as you can. If you're firm and to the point it's his fault if he can't get his head around it.
You already broke his heart when you slept with his best friend. He just doesn't know it yet.
Stop trying to avoid hurting him. If you want things to end, it is going to cause pain. He is going to hurt. And that is fine because one day, he will get over it, meet an awesome girl, and move on with his life. I really think you should just cut the strings and be done with it.
It won't end as long as I'm living here because I know the bf won't let it end. The best thing to do is for me to move out, and I'm in the process of doing out.
Any breakup situation is going to be painful for the other person or both people. You should let him know that you two aren't in a relationship anymore and you're trying to move out as fast as you can. If you're firm and to the point it's his fault if he can't get his head around it.
I know that it will eventually hurt him and that the hurt is unavoidable, but I want to make it as painless as possible. Not pain-free, bc that's impossible. But to minimize the amount of pain if I can.
I know that it will eventually hurt him and that the hurt is unavoidable, but I want to make it as painless as possible. Not pain-free, bc that's impossible. But to minimize the amount of pain if I can.
Either way, the most important thing is for both of you to move on. If you both "hate each other" I would think this wouldn't be a huge shock to him if you two broke it off. From experience, it's going to be hard to be friends after a breakup anyway.
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