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Also, I'm pretty much going to ignore the venting/angry posts in this thread from here on out.
When you started this thread you should have said that you only want people to come and agree with you, give you a pat on the shoulder, give you the Oprah treatment, etc.
Can't applaud someone for breaking a relationship and a friendship even if the victim was a guy.
I moved in with my boyfriend a few years ago. I told my bf I wanted to move out before I lost my job. I started to save to move out BEFORE I lost my job. Then, I lost my job and all the money I saved prior became drained.
I'm calling him my bf just to simplify things in the thread.
You might find this unbelievable, but I do attend to my bf's needs. He doesn't want to break up, he's still in love with me. If I'm coming across as selfish, it's because I'm becoming more selfish. I've ignored my own needs for far too long, and it's making me miserable and unhappy. I'm tired of meeting everyone else's needs but not having any of my own met. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.
There needs to be a balance and I've let my relationship become too imbalanced. I now see, through no fault of his own, that my current bf can't meet my needs because he doesn't have it within him. It is what it is. I just need to move on.
Wow. Ok, first lesson: You can tend to your own needs and NOT be selfish. That's ridiculous.
And again, you said that your feelings for his best friend have been growing, that is has been for awhile. WHEN you started to feel that, you should have let go of your boyfriend and moved out. That is NOT fair to the person you are in a relationship with if you start feeling strongly for another person. I don't mean after you cheated, I mean, when you realized you liked his best friend MORE than just a friend. At that point is when you should have ended it with your bf and moved on.
What's done is done, right, can't change it now. So do the right thing and find another place to live. I'm sure there will be excuses and you can't but I bet you could if you tried. Is your boyfriend the only person you know? Do you really have to have the perfect apartment to live in? Do the unselfish thing and find something, an efficiency, put your stuff in storage, whatever, but do NOT keep stringing this guy along as you are doing. You say that you are done but it doesn't sound like he knows that. So move out. Not next month, not a few months from now, you need to be moving now. Seriously. This is not fair what you are doing to him.
The thing is, I told him that was going to happen. I tried to warn him, I tried to break it off with him partially because of that. I know the mystique of the forbidden def plays a role in these things.
He said he had "hardcore" feelings for me. My response: Are you sure it's not just lust?
You gave in to temptation....that's unfortunate considering the circumstances. Now most likely this relationship will not work out. May you learn a lesson from this, you cannot build happiness on someone else's sorrows.
The thing is, I told him that was going to happen. I tried to warn him, I tried to break it off with him partially because of that. I know the mystique of the forbidden def plays a role in these things.
He said he had "hardcore" feelings for me. My response: Are you sure it's not just lust?
Wait a minute, are you actually blaming HIM for this happening?
You "tried to warn him"?
I'm done here. GMAFB!
Take responsibility for what YOU did. YOU allowed this to happen. YOU slept with the guy. Your clothes did not just fall off on their own.
And there is no "partially", you either break it off or you don't.
You're making a whole bunch of excuses for what you did and now acting like you were the one "above" it all?
No, honey, you did the deed, you take the flack for it. Stop making excuses, stop being so damn selfish, MOVE out of there, do not contact your bf or his best friend anymore. If THEY want to contact you, let them, but you need to get out of their lives.
I cannot believe you just said what you did. Unreal.
OP why did you even bother to post this thread? You're not confused, in fact you seem to have everything figured out. You came to the wrong place for validation. Try cheaters.com or something like that.
After knowing my boyfriend's best friend for 5 years, we began having feelings for one another. Last weekend, we finally hooked up. His friend he has been telling me he has "hardcore" feelings for me for a while.
The thing is, after the hookup this weekend, I haven't heard a peep from him. I don't know what I should do. Should I try to initiate contact with him? I feel that if I don't get things talked out between us (whatever the solution is), I might just explode. Any reasons why I've been suddenly frozen out?
As far as my bf is concerned, I'm almost out the door in that relationship and I've told him so.
Are there any reasons you've been suddenly frozen out?
Hmmm...let me think for a minute.
OK--I've thought about it. Could it be because your bf's bf has more of a conscience than you do and is feeling a bit ashamed?
If you're going to act like a tramp you need to be prepared to be treated like one.
Last edited by DrummerBoy; 08-10-2011 at 11:01 AM..
Wow. Ok, first lesson: You can tend to your own needs and NOT be selfish. That's ridiculous.
I was trying to find a reference to this.
Not only can you, OP, take care of yourself without being selfish or act in a hurtful manner, your claiming to be taking care of his needs at your needs expense as selfLESS is mistaken. Getting your needs met in a relationship is your job.
After knowing my boyfriend's best friend for 5 years, we began having feelings for one another. Last weekend, we finally hooked up. His friend he has been telling me he has "hardcore" feelings for me for a while.
The thing is, after the hookup this weekend, I haven't heard a peep from him. I don't know what I should do. Should I try to initiate contact with him? I feel that if I don't get things talked out between us (whatever the solution is), I might just explode. Any reasons why I've been suddenly frozen out?
As far as my bf is concerned, I'm almost out the door in that relationship and I've told him so.
I haven't read this entire thread so please forgive me if i'm repeating what someone else has already said.
First.... Your relationship with your BF is over. You cheated now be an adult and end the relationship.. As for the reason why the best friend hasn't called. Odds are he values his relationship with his best friend much more than the one with you and is hoping this doesn't get back to his buddy as it will end their friendship.
I've been down this road. I dated a girl for 11 yrs. We had a couple of bumps in the road and she slept with my best friend of over 20 yrs. Obviously we broke up and it ended a 20+ yr friendship. The dated for about a year then married. That lasted almost a year and they divorced. This all happened about 10 yrs ago. Sad part is none of us have talked in over 8 years. Her inability to keep her legs closed and his inability to keep it in his pants ruined 3 good friendships.
As far as i'm concerned they got what they deserved and I'm better off without them. My advise to you is keep you mouth shut and end the relationship with your BF. Forget about the best friend and move on.
Sorry if I'm a little harsh about this. It's happened to me and I hear about this kind of thing happen to other friends and family almost weekly.
Ah man you are being a bit too harsh on her she doesn't come across as evil. Actually I have more bad feelings toward the guy friend for doing what he did.
why, it takes two....?
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