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If that's the case, I really wish he would just tell me that. I guess he thinks I might freak out or something? I'm not. Should I just tell him to be honest with me and whatever he says, it's fine and that I'm not going to be mad/rat him out/go psycho?
The last time I spoke with him, he told me that he was "really confused" and that his mind has been doing "backflips" all day. He hasn't initiated contact since then and I haven't either. I figured he needed space, so I've been giving it to him.
You can wish what you want.... but life's not that simple.
I think you should probably just send a text that's like "Whenever you're ready, I'd really like to talk about things." And let it be and see what happens.
Ok...so now I'm reading that you knew you needed more WAY BEFORE anything happened with the best friend. You also say that the feelings for the best friend were growing.
AT ANY POINT between the time you realized your bf wasn't gonna do it for you and the feelings growing for his best friend and the time you did it with the best friend, did it occur to you to break things off with your boyfriend?
And when did you realize the bf wasn't going to do it for you...before or after you lost your job?
You keep saying, "He doesn't believe me unless I move out" but YOU keep calling him YOUR BOYFRIEND! It doesn't matter what HE believes at this point, it matters that you refer to him as your boyfriend. You are living there, because you stated you lost a job and he helped you out, you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore, you said, but you are still there and you are still calling him your boyfriend. Is it any wonder he doesn't believe you? YOU don't even know what you want.
I don't know what you're spending your money on, it's not my business but you should have been able to save up enough money for first, last and deposit by now for your own place.
Now, on to "telling" your bf about this. If you are going to continue to live with him and continue to refer to him as your "boyfriend", then you need to start talking. Or are you not talking because you know he'll kick you out?
If you are leaving next week, or earlier, and are NOT going to have ANY contact with him, friendship or otherwise, then no, it's pointless to tell him. And that means, NO contact at all. Not even with his friends.
As for the best friend, you are not in his life 24/7, you don't know what he does when you aren't there. He probably used you. And to be honest, if he could sleep with his best friend's girlfriend, he doesn't have much in the way of morals. He's not the right guy to get involved with.
BOTH of you should have waited until you were done with your bf, moved out, officially broken off, some time had passed, (out of fricken courtesy), and then you could have worked on a relationship but both of you gave in to what you wanted without regard to how it would affect another.
Cheating is not something to take lightly. What I hear in your posts, over and over is, "I, I, I, I, I". It's about what YOU want, not what anyone else wants. In other words, what you are writing here is coming off extremely selfish.
Time to move out, now, break it off with everyone, concentrate on growing up, building up your life and then you can start to focus on a relationship again. It's not going to work with your boyfriend and it's not going to work with his best friend.
You can wish what you want.... but life's not that simple.
I think you should probably just send a text that's like "Whenever you're ready, I'd really like to talk about things." And let it be and see what happens.
I'm totally down with that. My concern is that in the past, we would say we're going to talk, but it never happened. I think he wants to avoid really addressing things, but I think it's time he and I figure out what we're doing.
I've already said this upthread, but I've told the bf that I'm moving and that it's over. He doesn't seem to listen or hear what I'm saying.
That said, I don't think it's necessary to beat him over the head with what I've done. Not because I'm "using" him, but because I don't want to hurt him. Even if we weren't living together, I wouldn't tell him.
Sorry to be harsh, I just get a bit heated over cheating is all. With me, the thing is this: I have gotten over many a girlfriend, been hurt, but I've been OK and rebounded, forgiven and forgotten. I can get over women.
I don't know how other guys are with their male relationships, but if I lost my best male friend, I wouldn't know what to do with myself and I would probably never fully emotionally recover. And I suppose I'm just putting myself in both those guy's situations because a good thing has been ruined.
Ok...so now I'm reading that you knew you needed more WAY BEFORE anything happened with the best friend. You also say that the feelings for the best friend were growing.
AT ANY POINT between the time you realized your bf wasn't gonna do it for you and the feelings growing for his best friend and the time you did it with the best friend, did it occur to you to break things off with your boyfriend?
And when did you realize the bf wasn't going to do it for you...before or after you lost your job?
You keep saying, "He doesn't believe me unless I move out" but YOU keep calling him YOUR BOYFRIEND! It doesn't matter what HE believes at this point, it matters that you refer to him as your boyfriend. You are living there, because you stated you lost a job and he helped you out, you don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore, you said, but you are still there and you are still calling him your boyfriend. Is it any wonder he doesn't believe you? YOU don't even know what you want.
I don't know what you're spending your money on, it's not my business but you should have been able to save up enough money for first, last and deposit by now for your own place.
Now, on to "telling" your bf about this. If you are going to continue to live with him and continue to refer to him as your "boyfriend", then you need to start talking. Or are you not talking because you know he'll kick you out?
If you are leaving next week, or earlier, and are NOT going to have ANY contact with him, friendship or otherwise, then no, it's pointless to tell him. And that means, NO contact at all. Not even with his friends.
As for the best friend, you are not in his life 24/7, you don't know what he does when you aren't there. He probably used you. And to be honest, if he could sleep with his best friend's girlfriend, he doesn't have much in the way of morals. He's not the right guy to get involved with.
BOTH of you should have waited until you were done with your bf, moved out, officially broken off, some time had passed, (out of fricken courtesy), and then you could have worked on a relationship but both of you gave in to what you wanted without regard to how it would affect another.
Cheating is not something to take lightly. What I hear in your posts, over and over is, "I, I, I, I, I". It's about what YOU want, not what anyone else wants. In other words, what you are writing here is coming off extremely selfish.
Time to move out, now, break it off with everyone, concentrate on growing up, building up your life and then you can start to focus on a relationship again. It's not going to work with your boyfriend and it's not going to work with his best friend.
I moved in with my boyfriend a few years ago. I told my bf I wanted to move out before I lost my job. I started to save to move out BEFORE I lost my job. Then, I lost my job and all the money I saved prior became drained.
I'm calling him my bf just to simplify things in the thread.
You might find this unbelievable, but I do attend to my bf's needs. He doesn't want to break up, he's still in love with me. If I'm coming across as selfish, it's because I'm becoming more selfish. I've ignored my own needs for far too long, and it's making me miserable and unhappy. I'm tired of meeting everyone else's needs but not having any of my own met. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.
There needs to be a balance and I've let my relationship become too imbalanced. I now see, through no fault of his own, that my current bf can't meet my needs because he doesn't have it within him. It is what it is. I just need to move on.
Sorry to be harsh, I just get a bit heated over cheating is all. With me, the thing is this: I have gotten over many a girlfriend, been hurt, but I've been OK and rebounded, forgiven and forgotten. I can get over women.
I don't know how other guys are with their male relationships, but if I lost my best male friend, I wouldn't know what to do with myself and I would probably never fully emotionally recover. And I suppose I'm just putting myself in both those guy's situations because a good thing has been ruined.
What about the friendship makes it harder to recover from? I'm trying really hard to understand all of this.
I guess the way I see things, nothing is forever ruined if both parties are willing to really work at it. That doesn't mean feelings don't get hurt or that things aren't awkward or painful. Of course and unfortunately, experiencing those emotions is part of the healing process. But it doesn't mean that a friendship or relationship is over forever just because a betrayal happens. I could see a relationship ending over many betrayals, but not just one. But that's just me.
Last edited by SunshineFlower; 08-10-2011 at 09:26 AM..
Do you have any ideas as to why the friend hasn't tried to contact me after telling me he has "hardcore" feelings about me and has thought about me "nonstop"? Like, if he feels guilty, and wants to stop, why did he tell me all those things? Obv telling someone stuff like that is just going to make them want you more.
He thought about you nonstop because he couldn't have you. He got you. Now the reality sank in that he screwed his best friend and you weren't all he hyped up to be.
How long will it take you to do the same to this new guy? I wonder if this new guy will introduce you to his other good friends.
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I wonder if this new guy will introduce you to his other good friends.