Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm a small guy, 5'6, 140 or so, physically fit...fitness is important to me and ideally I am looking for someone who is physically fit or if they are a bit overweight has a strong desire to change that. I don't consider this choice primarily due to vanity..although it does have benefits in that area but rather due to health reasons - being healthy and active is important to me and I firmly believe (while others may not!) that being overweight causes health issues.
Unfortunately in my experience it has been that changing people of their habits makes them resentful and it is an uphill battle and one should not expect their partner to have the willpower to change regardless of whether the change is positive or negative.
So getting to my situation, I am getting older (i'm 37) and would like to have kids before I get too old. Here in L.A. I am not finding active women that are into me for whatever reason...I have dated a few but nobody that was compatible with me. Perhaps thinner women are looking for much more attractive and taller guys, who knows? Anyway the reason is not important just the bottom line that most thin women are not really into me.
However, if I open myself to overweight women the field is huge - they seems to be a lot of interest and a large number of these women are actually very nice people and many are also compatible with me. Now, I do think these women have a lot of offer me and I don't think they are in any way bad - except that they may not be compatible with my day to day lifestyle.
Do you think I should OR would you settle for someone who is overweight if they were otherwise fully compatible?
If one person wants to live a healthy and physically active lifestyle but the other doesn't how much of a problem can it be? I know a friend who is in this same situation, he works out but his wife has no interest and they have a lot of friction....is this typical?
BTW, this is the only area I am unsure of whether I should settle or not...I wouldn't settle in other important attributes I am looking for.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
I don't think anyone should ever settle. This, coming from someone who did just that for 19 years. But, I think if you allow yourself to really get to know all kinds, shapes and sizes of people, your list of demands and must-haves in a partner mysteriously shifts and changes and even becomes shorter. True love is unconditional. You'd be surprised what you'd put up with when you're really 'in love'. Just have fun dating until that happens and go into the date with no expectations but to have fun and make friends. When you do that, you'll be too busy having fun to notice how impatient you are to find love.
Well I think there is a difference between being a little overweight, and being overweight to a point of it being a health concern. It's such a broad spectrum that it's hard to answer. But I would say it's okay to lower your standards a little, but not to the point that you will still be longing for someone that meets them.
"Do you think I should OR would you settle for someone who is overweight if they were otherwise fully compatible? "
I have a real problem with this statement. "Settle" for someone who is overweight? Really? What makes you think this person would want you? Are you that superficial that you only look at what is on the outside? Just because someone is overweight this does not make them less of a person and to think that you would go out and find a wonderful person and settle for them just agrivates me to no end.
I think you need to take some time and look within yourself and fix you before you go out and try to fix people that probably don't need fixing.
OP, forget about American women and go find a real beauty overseas. If you make over $20k a year you're considered rich in many places around the world. Use that, and the fact that you're an American, to your advantage and land a truly awesome chick from overseas who will worship you.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by bicoastal10
OP, forget about American women and go find a real beauty overseas. If you make over $20k a year you're considered rich in many places around the world. Use that, and the fact that you're an American, to your advantages and land a truly awesome chick from overseas.
Good advice. And, in honor of all good American women, take bicoastal with you and make him unocoastal.
well, I don't believe in settling either but I have overlooked a large number of perfectly good women who were really interested in me over the last 5 or 6 years simply because they were too overweight...and still haven't found anyone so the thought crossed my mind if my expectations need to come down if I want to get some results. I didn't believe my expectations were out of line because I myself am physically fit so i'm not asking for something I am not but who knows how this attraction thing works?
This is a good question and a difficult for most people to answer because the general consensus is that you should never settle. Yet, people do so every day, every minute and every hour. If you can't locate your favorite cereal at the supermarket, we usually will settle for the next closest brand. If you can't get into your Dream college, you will settle for your 2nd choice school, and so on..I think at some point most people DO and must settle if they want to move forward toward their goal of whatever it is they are looking for..
In your case, your age is a big factor. 37 isn't old for a guy at all, but since you want to be a father - its an important thing. Being an older daddy can be a little exhausting vs being a younger, more energetic daddy..and of course, theres always that mortality issue that older parents face... I think if the ONLY issue thats holding you back about dating is the potential overweight factor in women, perhaps you should broaden your horizons.
As a former fitness fanatic myself, I completely understand the desire to date another person who shares the same perspectives on health and weight, but at some point, you have to look past some of those superficial aspects..For example: say you meet a stunning, intelligent, energetic and sweet woman who fits 90% of your criteria but although she is healthy by most medical standards, she happens to be 3 size dresses bigger, or is 5'9 and big boned? If you realistically can't picture yourself sexually with this woman, then you have your answer. Looks still matter to you so much that you just can't allow yourself to enjoy your partner's company in a romantic sense. But if you find that its really the only tiny flaw, you shouldn't let that hold you back. Especially if this is a woman who will make a wonderful mother to your kids.
So I think you should definitely broaden your horizons a bit, because you just never know!! And as you already pointed out, people who seem 1 way to you can change over the course of a relationship..My husband was more of a couch potato when we first started dating..Now, because I really care about maintaining a healthy lifestyle and work out, he too, has changed his tune a bit. He works out at the gym now, and makes sure he doesn't eat crappy, unhealthy food. So things like that CAN change over time!!! Dont let a woman's weight be a stumbling block to romance..you just never know!!.
You seem to be associating thin with active and overweight with lazy. There are plenty of thin people who aren't all that active, and there are many overweight women who'd be happy to hike and bike and whatever with you. Of course, you shouldn't date someone who's completely incompatible with your life, but maybe you shouldn't write off people just from their looks.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374
well, I don't believe in settling either but I have overlooked a large number of perfectly good women over the last 5 or 6 years simply because they were too overweight...and still haven't found anyone so the thought crossed my mind if my expectations need to come down if I want to get some results. I didn't believe my expectations were out of line because I myself am physically fit so i'm not asking for something I am not but who knows how this attraction thing works?
You may be fit but some women would find 140 lbs for a man of even 5'6 a little on the slight side. It sounds fine for someone in their 20s, but not a man of your age--'IMO'. My man was the same size as you in his 20s but now in his 50s, he's much sexier at 160 lbs, but then, he's solid muscle so it will look different on someone with no muscle mass. See, it's just a matter of opinion. Some might not find what you consider physically fit, attractive or desirable.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
