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"Strained" hardly characterizes the happily married couple our OP described.
So they "never played the field" or saw what it was like to "date another person"
If anything they might be considered inexperienced, but "strained"??
I don't think so.
I totally agree.
There is always going to be somebody who finds a negative in happy relationships. The problem with this negativity is that many people already know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC
As someone else said there are no perfect relationships, but yes I do find myself envious of people who have good healthy relationships.
e: Is envy supposed to be synonymous with resent? Because that's not the case... I'm happy for those folks, just wish I had what they had.
This is not directed to you, HurricaneDC.
No, it is not always synonymous but I wouldn't look down on a person who is resentful. Life is not always perfect. Some people by nature are happier than others. Some had happier environments to grow up in and so provide the same environment for the marriage.
I do have occasional feelings of "I wish I had that" and then I think to myself, what can I do today to get there. For me personally, what I found is that the time I spend today getting to my goal is no less valuable than the time after I have reached my goal.
Therefore, I spend less time thinking about what I don't have and more time about what I do have. Many happy couples do this as well.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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The idea of a perfect relationship scares the h&($ out of me. I figure if you have a blowup once in a while you relationship is normal and you are sane. The absence of that would scare me.
The idea of a perfect relationship scares the h&($ out of me. I figure if you have a blowup once in a while you relationship is normal and you are sane. The absence of that would scare me.
But see, to me, a perfect relationship includes occasional blowups, fights, bickering, etc. I fight with myself sometimes - I surely could never have a relationship with someone and never fight with them!
The idea of a perfect relationship scares the h&($ out of me. I figure if you have a blowup once in a while you relationship is normal and you are sane. The absence of that would scare me.
If you feel that while while been perfect with someone then that is not a perfect relationship. Not trying to be mean, but it's true. A "perfect" (basically great) relationship is one where you don't feel that way when things are right. Feeling that apprehensive about what feels right is usually what makes people start acting weird in a relationship. It's the "Too Good to Be True" feeling that makes people start doubting stuff. Also, having a blow-up every once in a while is "perfectly" normal. But, if it doesn't happen, that's cool too.
There is always going to be somebody who finds a negative in happy relationships. The problem with this negativity is that many people already know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
This is not directed to you, HurricaneDC.
No, it is not always synonymous but I wouldn't look down on a person who is resentful. Life is not always perfect. Some people by nature are happier than others. Some had happier environments to grow up in and so provide the same environment for the marriage.
I do have occasional feelings of "I wish I had that" and then I think to myself, what can I do today to get there. For me personally, what I found is that the time I spend today getting to my goal is no less valuable than the time after I have reached my goal.
Therefore, I spend less time thinking about what I don't have and more time about what I do have. Many happy couples do this as well.
Sorry for being preachy.
Nah, I get what you mean! It's one thing to sit there brooding about how you wish you had something, it's another to sit there figuring out how you're gonna get it.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Reputation: 41381
Okay I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect relationship. Every relationship has some issues. Relationships are like dumps, if there ain't no dirt there, something is off. If there is dirt, thank the Lord, you are normal!
I know a few of my friends (emphasis on FEW as I know many who are content in their marriage but do not have an AMAZING marriage..there is a difference) who have the absolute PERFECT love story... met their soulmate when they were 15 in high school, dated for many years and only got crazier about each other, married in early 20s and now after 15 years of marriage still seem to be absolutely crazy about each other.
I used to think this kind of thing only exists in fairytale books but yet here they are. In my view it is the ideal that most people want but seems so elusive.
Do you have friends like this? If so, are you envious of their amazing luck? Do you think this is just pure luck or is there anything more to it? If you're in your 30s or later and have a checkered relationship past do you attribute it to just bad luck or mistakes that you made?
No because my vagina would get bored being with the same person for that many years.
I know a few of my friends (emphasis on FEW as I know many who are content in their marriage but do not have an AMAZING marriage..there is a difference) who have the absolute PERFECT love story... met their soulmate when they were 15 in high school, dated for many years and only got crazier about each other, married in early 20s and now after 15 years of marriage still seem to be absolutely crazy about each other.
I used to think this kind of thing only exists in fairytale books but yet here they are. In my view it is the ideal that most people want but seems so elusive.
Do you have friends like this? If so, are you envious of their amazing luck? Do you think this is just pure luck or is there anything more to it? If you're in your 30s or later and have a checkered relationship past do you attribute it to just bad luck or mistakes that you made?
I know a few couples like that. I don't think envy is right term. I recognize part of it is luck in finding the right person at a young age, while the other part is having a mature attitude towards a relationship. Reading some of the mondo-bizarro attitudes towards dating and marriage on this board, I think to myself, "Well, small wonder you are single. My God, you make some terrible choices in your life."
However, I will add this. Many people who meet and marry at very young ages actually wind up splitting apart when they reach their thirties and forties. They are blissfully happy until they are not. I do, however, wish I'd met MrsCPG about ten years earlier.
Many people who meet and marry at very young ages actually wind up splitting apart when they reach their thirties and forties. They are blissfully happy until they are not. I do, however, wish I'd met MrsCPG about ten years earlier.
Agreed, from what I've seen. As for speculation about meeting your current (near-ideal) partner earlier, we've considered that. We think it might have worked out well (thinking back about how we were say 10 years ago), but we also think it's possible that the experiences and attitudes we developed during the time we did not know each other shaped us in a variety of ways that made us truly compatible when we did meet. Now, we focus on growing together (and not grow apart) - because relationships and the individuals in them aren't static.
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