I wasn't raped, but it sure felt like it. (girl, sex, attractive)
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File a police report. I was also raised with the "No means NO" thing, and this sounds like rape to me... regardless of whether you pushed the issue more when he was actually... "on" you.
I'm going to be really blunt. You need to see a therapist. This guy raped you and you sound more upset that he didn't respond to your text. Don't let this happen to you again. It's not your fault - but it scares me that you want to see him again. That's not normal and it's scary.
Maybe I don't classify it as rape because I otherwise saw him as a good guy. In the earlier dates, we had a lot of chemistry. He was very nice. He has a great career- for some reason I believe someone in his field is very respectable and don't see him as one of those guys that would do this. Maybe I only saw what I wanted to see. I guess there were a few signs I was ignoring.
Yes it was a rape. I've been in the same situation soooo many times. Women also have to stop thinking that we can treat men like we do our girlfriends. While women can seperate the two feelings, men are not the same animal. Just can't hop into bed with them and cuddle, snuggle and be half naked and then be apalled when they don't "get it".
Since a teenage I've done it too many times and had a lot of near misses. Now that I'm older? I know better. I just never understood that if "I" never viewed the man sexually, then he didn't view me the same way. NOT! All I can say is naivete is a damning tool.
I'm not saying it's in any way your fault. No is all it takes. However, some people get themselves into a situation thinking the man is on the same "friend" wavelength. Best bet, DON'T blurr the line EVER!
I think the sign where HE RAPED YOU is the one you are ignoring, and it's rather frightening that you are upset that he is now rejecting you. I agree with the others, talk to a therapist.
The reason I say I wasn't raped was because I put myself in that position. I made the decision to cuddle in bed with him. I told him that was the only thing that would be happening (how naive of me). But I was really intent and firm on saying that nothing would happen. I told him '"no" a million times. I told him to get off of me, but he grabbed a condom and soon enough he had his privates rubbing me. He pushed my underwear to the side and, me still telling him to please get off of me, he went ahead and did it. At that point I didn't even try pushing him off. I'm not putting the blame entirely on him, because like I said before, I put myself in that position. It was stupid of me to believe we would only cuddle. I really believed that would be the only thing happening. I didn't know some men were such pigs with little self-control. Had I known, I wouldn't have gone to bed with him. The worst part is that I like this guy a lot. I had very high hopes. I really, really liked him. But now I'm starting to see him in a different light. It seems like he is really only after one thing. I feel like I don't learn from my mistakes. But this one made me reflect a lot.
No need to file a police report. I wouldn't go that far. Heck, I even sent him a good night text that night after he asked if I got home safe. But he never replied. I know I won't be hearing from him again. And I should be NOT wanting to see him, but I did like him. But I should know better.
Are you normally this slow or did this incident ulter your thinking faculty? Go and file a bloody police report ASAP ..unless of course you are making this whole thing up. You have been RAPED if the initial post is 100% accurate!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't want to get too graphic here, but I have a friend who is a cop and has investigated a lot of rapes. He told me something I never knew. A lot of women are hesitant to call it rape if their body responds, um, the way women's bodies respond when they are aroused. He has to explain to them that this is natural and does NOT indicate consent. I wonder if something like that happened here and caused her to dowgrade the incident in her mind.
Maybe I don't classify it as rape because I otherwise saw him as a good guy. In the earlier dates, we had a lot of chemistry. He was very nice. He has a great career- for some reason I believe someone in his field is very respectable and don't see him as one of those guys that would do this. Maybe I only saw what I wanted to see. I guess there were a few signs I was ignoring.
I have a friend that always ends up dating a-holes. The one time it seemed like she had found herself a good guy - he ended up being an a-hole, too. I was so upset for her - and then she told me that there were warning signs but she ignored them. Never ignore signs. They are there for a reason. Rapists are not all mean, ugly, creepy people. They can be good looking, charming, funny, successful, etc. It's about power. They want power over you. It's the same with pedophiles - they don't look like child molesters. They look like normal, everyday nice people.
However "good" this guy may appear - he is not good. He is bad, bad, bad. Good guys do not rape women. It's that simple. Please, I beg of you, talk to someone about this. I fear that if you don't recognize the situation for what it is - it could happen again.
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