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I have a friend whose girlfriend did this to him as well. She got pregnant but hid it from everyone. I even saw her a few weeks before she delivered and did not know that she was pregnant. Then she had the kid and my friend thought it was his for 9 months. His parents thought they were grandparents for 9 months. As the relationship with the girlfriend (and they had been together for several years before the pregnancy) started to go badly, my friend questioned paternity. His girlfriend admitted that she had an affair with a married guy and that he was the father. She knew this based on when they had sex. After my friend found out he removed himself completely from the child's life.
Around the same time I married for the first time. My wife had a child already from a guy that was denying paternity and had moved out of state. While we were dating she was attempting, with out much success, to get child support from him. When we decided to get married I told her to stop contacting the father. I wanted to take on the role, and I'd rather the other guy not be in the picture. I was 20 years old at the time and probably would think differently today. We were married for 5 years and had 2 more children together before getting divorced. I maintained contact with my son and even proposed to his mom that I adopt him. She refused. I found out later that the guy she had been pursuing as the father was not the father and she knew it. She had slept with another guy that her parents did not know and was too embarrassed to admit that she got pregnant by a guy that her parents didn't even know existed.
I agree with the previous poster that lying about paternity should be a criminal offense. It's no different than fraud in my book.
I have a friend whose girlfriend did this to him as well. She got pregnant but hid it from everyone. I even saw her a few weeks before she delivered and did not know that she was pregnant. Then she had the kid and my friend thought it was his for 9 months. His parents thought they were grandparents for 9 months. As the relationship with the girlfriend (and they had been together for several years before the pregnancy) started to go badly, my friend questioned paternity. His girlfriend admitted that she had an affair with a married guy and that he was the father. She knew this based on when they had sex. After my friend found out he removed himself completely from the child's life.
Around the same time I married for the first time. My wife had a child already from a guy that was denying paternity and had moved out of state. While we were dating she was attempting, with out much success, to get child support from him. When we decided to get married I told her to stop contacting the father. I wanted to take on the role, and I'd rather the other guy not be in the picture. I was 20 years old at the time and probably would think differently today. We were married for 5 years and had 2 more children together before getting divorced. I maintained contact with my son and even proposed to his mom that I adopt him. She refused. I found out later that the guy she had been pursuing as the father was not the father and she knew it. She had slept with another guy that her parents did not know and was too embarrassed to admit that she got pregnant by a guy that her parents didn't even know existed.
I agree with the previous poster that lying about paternity should be a criminal offense. It's no different than fraud in my book.
It's not just fraud, what you described is akin to conspiracy and being mentally r***ed. It's something that can not be repaired and will haunt you for the rest of your days. Time does not heal.
For those who criticize the idea of testing kids even if married, bobman's story is a good example. I've known men in this situation and it's absolutely DEVASTATING to find out they were deceived years after they have invested all of their love and emotions into their child (or children). You can't ignore that most of these men DID have the trust you are complaining about and still got burned.
How can you people not sympathize with that?
I can sympathize with that, however my husband best be damn sure he is aware of what he'd be doing because once he suggests that our children be tested, the marriage is over.
I'm not a creep though either. IF there was any reason I suspected that one of our children wasn't his, I wouldn't hide that fact from him. That's just not the case though and thankfully, he's wise enough to know that.
Yeah its a tough one. I would def refuse to pay any court ordered amount. And I would def kick the woman to the curb. If it were an infant Id cut my losses. If I had a bond with the child Im not sure. Id probably still be involved to some extent. And I would insist that the actual father pay his share also.
I live in a state where the father is asked to sign the birth certificate and acknowledge paternity. Once it is acknowledged, it doesn't matter...the child is yours
Yes there are states that do this. Id go to jail before Id pay though.
I have a friend with a very promiscuous history and when she became pregnant, she wasn't sure who the father was. She and one of the possible fathers started their relationship back up and started moving towards marriage with the agreement that they would get a paternity test. A month before the baby was born, he changed his mind and made it clear to her that regardless of the genetics of the baby, he was the father of this child. I think they both breathed a sigh of relief when their second son looked just like his big brother.
I hope more guys can have this attitude toward their families. Genetics only means so much, you can still be the parent of a child who isn't biologically yours.
I can sympathize with that, however my husband best be damn sure he is aware of what he'd be doing because once he suggests that our children be tested, the marriage is over.
I'm not a creep though either. IF there was any reason I suspected that one of our children wasn't his, I wouldn't hide that fact from him. That's just not the case though and thankfully, he's wise enough to know that.
I'm glad you're an honest and upfront person, I certainly commend you for it.
Just realize that others have been fooled by people who appeared to be honest like you without consequences. So, asking for a paternity test isn't a knock against people like you, it's simply peace of mind in a society that enables lying and paternity fraud.
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError
I have a friend with a very promiscuous history and when she became pregnant, she wasn't sure who the father was. She and one of the possible fathers started their relationship back up and started moving towards marriage with the agreement that they would get a paternity test. A month before the baby was born, he changed his mind and made it clear to her that regardless of the genetics of the baby, he was the father of this child. I think they both breathed a sigh of relief when their second son looked just like his big brother.
I hope more guys can have this attitude toward their families. Genetics only means so much, you can still be the parent of a child who isn't biologically yours.
Great story, I commend people who make this choice knowing the child isn't or may not be theirs. However, you're supporting your position with an example where a choice existed vs the OP where the man didn't have a choice and was fooled for years.
For those who criticize the idea of testing kids even if married, bobman's story is a good example. I've known men in this situation and it's absolutely DEVASTATING to find out they were deceived years after they have invested all of their love and emotions into their child (or children). You can't ignore that most of these men DID have the trust you are complaining about and still got burned.
How can you people not sympathize with that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123
I'm glad you're an honest and upfront person, I certainly commend you for it.
Just realize that others have been fooled by people who appeared to be honest like you without consequences. So, asking for a paternity test isn't a knock against people like you, it's simply peace of mind in a society that enables lying and paternity fraud.
Of course, and as Taoist said, it's no different than if I suspected my husband were cheating and demanded I see his cell phone records and e-mail or he found out I had him followed. IF he wasn't cheating I'd fully expect he'd kick me to the curb, because again...what kind of marriage is that??
No matter the situation, the person had better be sure they are aware of what they are accusing their partner of. I can't see it ending pretty either way unless the mother is honest and upfront and states she doesn't know the true paternity of the child.
I have a friend with a very promiscuous history and when she became pregnant, she wasn't sure who the father was. She and one of the possible fathers started their relationship back up and started moving towards marriage with the agreement that they would get a paternity test. A month before the baby was born, he changed his mind and made it clear to her that regardless of the genetics of the baby, he was the father of this child. I think they both breathed a sigh of relief when their second son looked just like his big brother.
I hope more guys can have this attitude toward their families. Genetics only means so much, you can still be the parent of a child who isn't biologically yours.
Of course you can, but in the case of paternity fraud, the situation becomes a lot more volatile.
Of course, and as Taoist said, it's no different than if I suspected my husband were cheating and demanded I see his cell phone records and e-mail or he found out I had him followed. IF he wasn't cheating I'd fully expect he'd kick me to the curb, because again...what kind of marriage is that??
I don't have a problem with you "kicking him to the curb" if he asked for a paternity test at the hospital. I'm not a supporter of springing that news on a woman who just gave birth. I want men to tell women UPFRONT during the dating stage about their intentions to test any newborn children. This takes your "suspected of cheating" scenario out of the picture since he's approaching it as a general policy.
Of course, not all women will accept being upfront about this, but most women I've dated were completely fine with it. Since I said it while we were getting to know each other, they didn't take it personally.
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