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Normally I agree with most of the folks here, but I think you're coming down too hard on the OP by harping on him moving out ASAP instead of waiting the two weeks. The man can't afford it yet, and he has no friends or family to stay with for the entirety. Do you propose that he take up residence on a grate on the corner?
When my ex and I decided to part ways, it was about 5 weeks before he moved out. He had to find a place, put down his security, and arrange the move. That stuff doesn't happen overnight. Could he have just moved in with his parents? Yes. And then he would have had to move again less than a month later. For the sake of minimizing conflict and drama, I didn't press that issue.
Did he drag his feet? Yes. That was typical of him, and one reason for the divorce. But once it got to the three-week mark, I started asking for daily updates on his move, and that eventually got on his nerves so he got his act together. I even helped him carry some of his unwanted crap to the dumpster. There is such a thing as making the best of a bad situation so that you don't end it on uncivil terms.
HOWEVER, OP, if you're moving out in two weeks, why are you even making such a big deal about this? Send your email to the family when you move out. Tell them that now that you are no longer living with her, you will not be checking up on her or having any contact with her or them concerning her well-being. It will be strictly business from that point forward.
Then stick to it. Your relationship is so unhealthy and filled with drama that you both need to make a clean break.
As for the "business" part of "strictly business," here are a few pointers:
1. If your name is on the mortgage and the deed, you are entitled to half of the house. If I were you, I'd tell her that I want to sell it and split the proceeds. If she does not want to do that, then tell her she is free to buy you out.
2. If you do not want to avail yourself of your rights as part owner of the house, and you are okay with walking away on your equity, talk to the bank or an attorney about getting your name off the mortgage and the deed. Otherwise you run the risk of her defaulting and ruining your credit rating in the process.
3. Same goes for cars and car loans.
4. Close any joint credit card accounts you have. As long as you are sharing accounts, she can run them up and stick you with the bill.
5. Go with your ex to the bank, close your joint savings accounts, and split the money.
Now, did you see how there is no mention of who she dates, sleeps with, or swings from the chandeliers with? That is because those things are none of your business. Do not ask about them, and if she wants to talk about them, tell her she is better off talking to her friends and family about them. You are no longer her husband. Stop trying to act like you still are.
While im still technically living there, while all my things are there - id like to know when and who comes over.
It is none of your business. Period. If you're concerned about the security of your possessions, you should move them out now. If you're just wondering who she's doing, it's none of your business.
I think youre right about not seeing eachother after. That will be hard, but necessary.
The suicide threats have increased since i told them last..and the "trying to catch an std" and men from online, is new.
I was going to see how this week goes for her...hopefully i scared sense and reason into her. She was crying and visibly upset over the pictures of babies with herpes...hopefully she realizes that isnt what she wants, and the random sex hasnt been worth that risk.
Shes had no guys over since...
While im still technically living there, while all my things are there - id like to know when and who comes over.
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I understand about wanting to know who is around your stuff, but I think you are better off just letting that part go and crossing your fingers for two weeks. The thing is, you are both used to this dynamic where you are her savior/caretaker while she depends on you to guide her through her destructive tendencies. The more you ask about her actions, the more keep tabs on her, the more you stay in that dynamic. Even if you are not asking for the same reasons, all that happens is she knows on some level you are still watching over her and you get to feel bad and worry over whatever she tells you because you still emotionally feel responsible for her. That needs to stop for the both of you.
The thing is, all she's been doing is putting off the inevitable. She has to take control of her own problems and face her own demons if she is ever really going to get better. She has been leaning on you but what she really has to do is deal with it herself. you were never going to save her anyway, it has always been something she had to own. My guess is either she will step up to the plate or she will find a new savior. Either way you need to go. Tell someone all you know, then go and don't look back.i know it is hard to walk away from someone you have been so close to for so long but you really are doing her no favors if you continue being there IMO.
she is an adult. What she does is none of your business
Clearly - however, what about when the person recently tried to commit suicide, went to er, was committed during a psych eval - and NOW theyre saying theyre going to kill themselves....?
Back out and do / say nothing, is the attitude of some here, right?
Anyway, thanks for the replies so far everybody. Still at friends house, waiting for her to come home. Taking her out to dinner tomorrow, should be fun..
Clearly - however, what about when the person recently tried to commit suicide, went to er, was committed during a psych eval - and NOW theyre saying theyre going to kill themselves....?
Back out and do / say nothing, is the attitude of some here, right?
Anyway, thanks for the replies so far everybody. Still at friends house, waiting for her to come home. Taking her out to dinner tomorrow, should be fun..
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To be honest, people who is going to kill themselves do it. If you think she will you can only call the cops on her, they will take her to the ER got her evaluated and prob. release her (happened to a friend of mine)
If she is your ex, I would just move on. Concentrate on your life.
Clearly - however, what about when the person recently tried to commit suicide, went to er, was committed during a psych eval - and NOW theyre saying theyre going to kill themselves....?
Back out and do / say nothing, is the attitude of some here, right?
Anyway, thanks for the replies so far everybody. Still at friends house, waiting for her to come home. Taking her out to dinner tomorrow, should be fun..
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Re Read this: What she does is none of your business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mayita
she is an adult. What she does is none of your business
Re Read this: What she does is none of your business.
Including kill herself, okay, lovely...
Maybe it carries more weight with me because i was actually there for it last time. Receiving the phone call wasnt fun, neither was rushing to the er uncertain of her condition,...
You know what, im going to say you shouldnt be giving advice on this subject. Thats something completely terrifying to go through, and spending the five seconds typing "its none of your business" just shows your ingnorance of the subject, and is completely irresponsible..
Im pretty set on telling her family of the threats when i do move out, if they continue.
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