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For people like me who have trouble attracting the opposite sex and lack confidence and can be insecure and get in a negative rut about women these worst fears and stereotypes about women get amplified in my head sometimes from what i read..
Its given me new insecurities things i was never insecure about or knew were huge hinderances like my height being shy etc came on my radar all of a sudden after reading these types of forums as huge negatives to women and made me even worse..[btw im not saying its one sided im sure struggling women feel the same about men after reading these types of forums]
I know theyres alot of good people here who even if therye giving generic cliche advice are trying to help but to read alot of the stuff i see on here and other sites like this makes me think the majority of people are shallow vain self absorbed whackos..
So while i appreciate sites like these and some of the good advice i think it can be more harmful at times then good
For people like me who have trouble attracting the opposite sex and lack confidence and can be insecure and get in a negative rut about women these worst fears and stereotypes about women get amplified in my head sometimes from what i read..
Its given me new insecurities things i was never insecure about or knew were huge hinderances like my height being shy etc came on my radar all of a sudden after reading these types of forums as huge negatives to women and made me even worse..[btw im not saying its one sided im sure struggling women feel the same about men after reading these types of forums]
I know theyres alot of good people here who even if therye giving generic cliche advice are trying to help but to read alot of the stuff i see on here and other sites like this makes me think the majority of people are shallow vain self absorbed whackos..
So while i appreciate sites like these and some of the good advice i think it can be more harmful at times then good
I suspect that this site may do many things for you, some good and some not so good. It seems to me that you often use it to ruminate out loud about the various disadvantages you have or believe you have. Is there any chance that you use a site like this to confirm your worst fears? I know that sounds off, but you seem determined to convince people that you're beyond hope.
People often do things that would appear to make no sense because there are secondary gains. In your case, perhaps the secondary gain is to become so miserable that "quitting" would seem to be your only rational response. You started a thread along those lines a few days ago.
I'll say this much. Everything you fear about dating and woman is potentially a real risk. You will likely get hurt. But life is about facing risks, accepting them, and moving toward your goals anyway. And the risks you need to accept aren't the overblown, women as succuba (look it up ) fears you've latched onto. They really are managable if you look at them for what they are.
Final note. Someone is selling the idea that women are XYZ, and you're buying it. Those people want you to feel helpless. Don't let them manipulate you like that.
In my experience its about how you interpret the message, sometimes you can take something that sounds very negative and turn it into a message that is good for yourself, no matter what the messenger was trying to say in their post. For instance: I could take an opinion like " What kind of fool would want to raise another mans' children!" and let it hurt my feelings, I could decide that no one will ever want to date me because of the fact that I have these beautiful amazing kids! Or I could say, "Wow, I want to protect myself and my kids from ever ever encountering someone like that!" I DID decide I wasn't going to date, not because of db's comment, but because I would not want to have my kids ever go through the pain of that loss again, so in a way, even though this is kind of sad, its a strong foundation for a positive. Even though you might have contradictory opinions, and negative comments, its about how you interpret it.
And also, you don't have to comment - put your feelings out there to get trampled...you can just read, or not visit. Its your choice.
It's more harmful IMO. If I was single and lonely I would rather go cold approach 30 women a day than listen to the vitriol spewed on this forum. At least in real life the women are going to be more polite and fun about it.
Excellent thread, really makes one think and take a step back. I rarely take myself seriously on here, so don't give much thought to how my joking might if at all affect some young soul. Definitely will give some thought to future postings. It really would bother me if I had negatively affected a young person where as I had the opportunity to really have been of help instead.
I might need some therapy though to reign in my whacked out sense of humor.
There's a difference between 'this particular forum' and 'forums like this one'.
I think relationship forums where the posters are mainly people actually in relationships, or with past experience of healthy ones, are extremely useful.
But this particular forum tends to be an echo chamber for extremely distressed guys who have never been in a relationship, and have very strange and bizarre ideas about how women and relationships work. Very disconnected from reality.
If a young man comes her without a lot of prior experience, he might well end up discouraged, based on the misinformation posted here, if he is not extremely discerning about his sources.
If you focus on the posts from people who actually know stuff, you will be ok. For example, ignore any post written by a man that talks about what women find attractive, until you get to know who the regular posters are and who is reliable .
The way I look at it is if the forum helps one person, it serves a useful purpose. What you as someone posting a problem, need to know is that there will always be some posters who will be unhelpful as they can. Some will do it out of malice, while others are jaded by bad experiences. You need to have a thick enough skin to ignore the bad advice/bashing and find the useful gems. If you lurk/participate long enough, you can determine the useful posters and those who just want to stir the pot.
Final note. Someone is selling the idea that women are XYZ, and you're buying it. Those people want you to feel helpless. Don't let them manipulate you like that.
For people like me who have trouble attracting the opposite sex and lack confidence and can be insecure and get in a negative rut about women these worst fears and stereotypes about women get amplified in my head sometimes from what i read..
Its given me new insecurities things i was never insecure about or knew were huge hinderances like my height being shy etc came on my radar all of a sudden after reading these types of forums as huge negatives to women and made me even worse..[btw im not saying its one sided im sure struggling women feel the same about men after reading these types of forums]
I know theyres alot of good people here who even if therye giving generic cliche advice are trying to help but to read alot of the stuff i see on here and other sites like this makes me think the majority of people are shallow vain self absorbed whackos..
So while i appreciate sites like these and some of the good advice i think it can be more harmful at times then good
I agree with your observation! If you are lacking confidence issues and have insecurities that you have yet to work on, I have no idea why one would come here. There are some great points, from what appears to be from genuine people, but most of it is a lot of poisonous stereotyping and poorly thought out view points from people who have some of the same insecurity issues.
Using this medium to try to gain some insight and other perspectives on very select points is ok. If you come here to learn "cheats" on how to interact with your choice of partner, you are setting yourself up for failure and will likely do more harm than good to your over all perspective.
I think relationship forums where the posters are mainly people actually in relationships, or with past experience of healthy ones, are extremely useful.
I agree, that would be the most ideal type of relationship forum. But why would someone in a "healthy" relationship be spending anytime on a relationship forum? I can't imagine wanting to dabble in something that can be such a time suck and distraction, to real life and a good partner.
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) fears you've latched onto. They really are managable if you look at them for what they are.
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