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Yea, CSD, I can see that point. Lying about it, though, happened when we were together, of course. It just makes me realize that if he'd lie about something - allegedly innocuous - that happened when we weren't together, he'd sure as hell lie about things he has done while we were together. Another point that I find, errr, humbling, is that this person is a neighbor so it's someone I have to see in passing. Grrrr. I'm still sorting through this big reaction of mine. I can agree, to some extent, that the event in itself is no big deal and obviously, blatantly has nothing to do with me. He does have this tendency to have excellent post-event judgment, though. :|
Anyway, doesn't anyone have a story they can share about a time that their SO finally told the truth about something that they'd been dishonest about for years?
Yea, CSD, I can see that point. Lying about it, though, happened when we were together, of course. It just makes me realize that if he'd lie about something - allegedly innocuous - that happened when we weren't together, he'd sure as hell lie about things he has done while we were together. Another point that I find, errr, humbling, is that this person is a neighbor so it's someone I have to see in passing. Grrrr. I'm still sorting through this big reaction of mine. I can agree, to some extent, that the event in itself is no big deal and obviously, blatantly has nothing to do with me. He does have this tendency to have excellent post-event judgment, though. :|
Anyway, doesn't anyone have a story they can share about a time that their SO finally told the truth about something that they'd been dishonest about for years?
Have you ever lied? Only you know the full details. Just make sure you aren't making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Have you ever lied? Only you know the full details. Just make sure you aren't making a mountain out of a mole hill.
This the dumbest problem I have heard. He should dump her for being ridiculous. The best thing to do when your SO tells you something he has not told you for years because he is afraid of your reaction, is to look very bored and say "really? that's nice dear. If you want to talk some more, go with me into the kitchen, I need to wash the dishes." And then ask for jewelry, or cash.
When your SO comes clean about something they've lied to you about for years... what's the core of your response (whether hypothetical or experiential)? Are you (1) glad they finally told you the truth; (2) pi$$ed that they've lied for so long, which causes you to trust them less; (3) a combination of 1 and 2; (4) other.
I'm really looking for your thoughts. This has just happened - something this guy did with someone else before we were together. But I intuitively knew something had happened between him and this person I am disgusted by and I asked him periodically and he lied. And then last night I had a dream about it and told him about it and he finally came clean on it. I'm pretty angry because he lied for so long while it wouldn't have been a very big deal if he'd been honest. I really think he's trying to become a more honest person, but it's still hard to take the "old" lies.
Just because you're with him now do you seriously think that entitles you to access to each and every private thought or experience he had before you??
If he "lied" to you when you asked him about it, I'd venture to say he did so because it was easier to do than to say to you, "it's none of your business".
Just because you wanted to know something does not mean you have the right to that information when it had absolutely nothing to do with you.
Well, I did post here expecting and hoping not to be "validated" so thank you. And I'm not offended by anyone's thoughts, or I wouldn't have asked.
But, yea, I do think the past makes the person. lovesMountains, you put lied in quotes as if to suggest that the relevance of honesty is relative. That I cannot buy into. I don't want to have this dilemma, though, and it would be easier to dismiss it. I suppose, this issue, though, is in bed with a history of dishonesty during our relationship - not quite so extreme as having sex with someone while cohabitating - but nonetheless the slightest sign of dishonesty continuing on makes me pretty jumpy. I agree I'm having a strong reaction.
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This the dumbest problem I have heard.
And I'm not offended by anyone's thoughts, or I wouldn't have asked.
