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You can also just go bed naked and see his reaction. Oh, and a lock on the bedroom door keeps the kids out until you can make yourselves presentable.
This is a great suggestion. But not only once in a while. I always find it interesting when gf's ask why we didnt have sex last night, when every time you go to bed with yoga pant, or pajamas, and a shirt. If you want to have some fun, why are you getting dressed for bed? That is such a confusing mixed signal.
I had one LTR in which the gf went to bed naked all the time, unless it was really cold.
And, it sounds like your guy is TIRED. Work, and life, and he is 35. There is a difference in 35 and 25, most notably in hangovers, and energy levels. The energy does drop as we get older.
Wish I had a real solution for you, but sounds like this could be a long term issue. Hopefully sex every few days is ok for you, as that ISN'T the worst case scenario. I understand it isn't what you want, but is sex every day what you really need ?
If you already go to bed nude, then I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't push it too much, cause guys do not like actually having to turn down sex. It does affect us, as we know it is bad to actually turn it down. Sometimes, we just have to though. And we definitely don't like turning it down...
Maybe this is a phase, and in 6-12 months, things may change, and he will initiate more ?
Patience is key here I think.
Pre-kids, I did that often (and it always worked )! In fact usually, we'd often just sleep nude, period.
I don't know how he'd react these days. If the kids weren't home I think he'd "rise to the occasion", so to speak.
Sometimes I think a big part of it is that our oldest is now very curious about sex, and he's afraid we might be walked in on. It's happened once already, but we think we explained it well enough for her for the time being. Locking the door works but we managed to forget that time.
Just don't forget to lock it any time you go to bed naked.
This is a great suggestion. But not only once in a while. I always find it interesting when gf's ask why we didnt have sex last night, when every time you go to bed with yoga pant, or pajamas, and a shirt. If you want to have some fun, why are you getting dressed for bed? That is such a confusing mixed signal.
I had one LTR in which the gf went to bed naked all the time, unless it was really cold.
And, it sounds like your guy is TIRED. Work, and life, and he is 35. There is a difference in 35 and 25, most notably in hangovers, and energy levels. The energy does drop as we get older.
Wish I had a real solution for you, but sounds like this could be a long term issue. Hopefully sex every few days is ok for you, as that ISN'T the worst case scenario. I understand it isn't what you want, but is sex every day what you really need ?
If you already go to bed nude, then I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't push it too much, cause guys do not like actually having to turn down sex. It does affect us, as we know it is bad to actually turn it down. Sometimes, we just have to though. And we definitely don't like turning it down...
Maybe this is a phase, and in 6-12 months, things may change, and he will initiate more ?
Patience is key here I think.
Rarely do I go to bed naked these days.
I know he's tired, and I know how he felt a few years ago. He was patient with me, and it's my turn to be patient with him.
It's normal for women to have as high or higher a sex drive than their husbands, especially as the man gets older. Oftentimes it has nothing whatsoever to do with the guy having stress, being overweight or ill. My husband is a marathon runner with a low-stress career and healthy as a horse. After his or mid-30's, I always have had the higher sex drive. I hear the same from almost all my GF's who are married to men in their 40's. They almost all have the higher drive than their male partners. There's nothing newsworthy about this.
Of course you won't hear men admitting this, most (not all) will chime in, "Well, I'm 60 and I can still bang the bottom of it 14 times a night." Men usually won't admit their libido isn't what it was when they were 19, maybe they have forgotten their frame of reference. Look at it like this: how many 40 or 45 year old men are jerking off 6 times a day or having sex that often? Then reflect on how many 19 year olds are jerking off 6 times a day (answer: most).
Maybe that puts it into perspective.
For the OP: you have kids- they may very well be another reason he's not as into it. Kids, aging, real life wearing you down... it all adds up. Just get a vibrator and amuse yourself with that when he's not in the mood.
Expanding on that - use your toy or masturbate in front of him when in bed or something. 100% of the time it works every time. Ex wife did that little tease one time when I wasn't feeling in the mood, which was rare. The bed and nightstand lamp didn't make it through the night.
I cant believe you're actually criticizing your husband for being tired from busting ass all day to put food on the table and keep a roof over your head. Get over it or buy something with batteries to supplement.
I cant believe you're actually criticizing your husband for being tired from busting ass all day to put food on the table and keep a roof over your head. Get over it or buy something with batteries to supplement.
I didn't see where I was criticizing at all, just looking for ideas.
I'm a SAHM now but up til then I always worked a regular job, and let me say, I had WAY more energy when I worked a normal job as opposed to being a SAHM. There is nothing more draining than dealing with kids.
Being tired or stressed is no excuse. If he doesn't want to fulfill his duties as a husband, then you should request an open marriage.
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)! In fact usually, we'd often just sleep nude, period.
