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You can't start a relationship based off of lies. Someone once told me, how you start a relationship is how you end it.
If you start it with lies, hiding details about your life - especially ones that can physically cause damage - your relationship will end in utter chaos. You are selectively disclosing information in order to get what you want and putting the other person at a disadvantage. You should be asking them about whether or not they have a problem with it. If they do, which evidently they do, cut your loss, continue to be honest in your pursuit and you might strike out lucky.
Yes! Not only desperate but without any doubt, one who despises herself.
To you and others like you, yes. To me and those in my family/social circle, it is very bizarre and unatural. It all comes down to values. The reason you may think it is natural/normal could be because the media, through shows or movies, portrays this bizarre behavior as "normal" or "natural". In other words, because it is not condemned, you ended up growing up thinking it is "natural", when clearly, it is NOT. Of course you don't have to agree with me, we have to agree to disagree.
I had no problems finding dates. You're talking about your own insecurities. There are gay men in my own family. It was never viewed as a negative in my family. If there was any fall out from them coming out of the closet, it happened before I was born or before I can remember. It was a non-issue. Men and women dating bisexual men are not desperate. Just because you wouldn't do it, has no bearing on what other people do.
.....You can't start a relationship based off of lies. ....quote]
He is not lying to them, he is only lying to himself. Like I said previously, if he is dating intelligent women, most instinctively know there is something odd about him but they may keep quiet for a while to observe him. He cannot lie to intelligent women, they are very perceptive. Others, perhaps due to family pressures to have a "wedding by a certain age, have even married gay men but that is not because they did not know the guy was gay!!
You can't tell if a man is gay or bisexual. Some are obvious. Many aren't. And you wouldn't know the ones that aren't obvious. Geebus, how many stereotypes can you slip in there?
.....You can't start a relationship based off of lies. ....quote]
He is not lying to them, he is only lying to himself. Like I said previously, if he is dating intelligent women, most instinctively know there is something odd about him but they may keep quiet for a while to observe him. He cannot lie to intelligent women, they are very perceptive. Others, perhaps due to family pressures to have a "wedding by a certain age, have even married gay men but that is not because they did not know the guy was gay!!
Lying by omission. Which is independent of a woman's intelligence. Men can lie to the most intelligent woman in the world and omitting certain facts can be concealed without a woman perceiving it.
For example. I dated a man years ago who was a dancer. We went out to bars in Hyde Park and he would literally get up and dodge behind the plants whenever he saw men from his work come into the bar. I'm intelligent and still didn't know up until that very moment he was dodging men the first time, that he was dancing in a gay bar.. So I disagree. Men will conceal what they want, just as much as women. I see it all the time.
There is a great book on the market, read it. The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease.
@supines quote No woman--or man--is need feel obligated to tell me they have HIV etc. even if i invite them on a date. that should only be reviled before having sex.
Ya so this is what is wrong with this country, so what your saying is your right to date and have a good time is more important then anothers persons right to choose what risks or what they want to be exposed to in there lives? So why not disclose your H.I.V/ S.T.Ds on or before a first date? Is it a persons hope that by dating that person without disclose just before sex, that they may sway acceptance anf in a since monipulate someone, when maybe they would of told you thay weren't interestted in the first place?
Eh, I think a bisexual dude attracted to a woman is "100% into women." It's not like he's only looking for a combination of the two in the form of a transsexual.
And your response is conditioned by society as the other poster stated. Think about it, all of us are affected by what society says we should think or believe or how we should react.
You're conditioned to think the guy sleeping with the guy is not "100% manly" to a females standard and ideal of masculinity. Kind of like men deciding on what a woman should be if she's a "real women." Although, few people use the phrase "real woman."
Also, you are aware more than a few guys that kiss women have had their tongues inside other women? and I'm not talking about in their mouths or vaginas.
But similar to you I'm not very much into girl on girl sex. It's not something I care to see or even think about.
I am NOT conditioned to think "the guy sleeping with a guy is not 100% manly to a females standard and ideal of masculinity." This has NOTHING to do with masculinity. It has to do with MY personal revulsion of the thought of ME sleeping with a man who has been with a man. Sorry, it just turns me off. This has nothing to do with being homophobic either. I have plenty of friends who are gay/lesbians. Of course I would expect heterosexual men to be with other women.
There are many people who are into gross and weird fetishes (taken from 33 weird and disturbing sexual fetishes) such as vomiting on one another and having sex, sexual pleasure related to mucus (e.g. the consumption of), erotic pleasure stemming from the licking of someone’s eyeball, etc.
So because I am repulsed by these fetishes, does this mean society has conditioned me to be and feel this way? Are you?
I am NOT conditioned to think "the guy sleeping with a guy is not 100% manly to a females standard and ideal of masculinity." This has NOTHING to do with masculinity. It has to do with MY personal revulsion of the thought of ME sleeping with a man who has been with a man. Sorry, it just turns me off. This has nothing to do with being homophobic either. I have plenty of friends who are gay/lesbians. Of course I would expect heterosexual men to be with other women.
There are many people who are into gross and weird fetishes (taken from 33 weird and disturbing sexual fetishes) such as vomiting on one another and having sex, sexual pleasure related to mucus (e.g. the consumption of), erotic pleasure stemming from the licking of someone’s eyeball, etc.
So because I am repulsed by these fetishes, does this mean society has conditioned me to be and feel this way? Are you?
@supines Is it a persons hope that by dating that person without disclose just before sex, that they may sway acceptance and in a sense manipulate someone, when maybe they would of told you they weren't interested in the first place?
And your response is conditioned by society as the other poster stated. Think about it, all of us are affected by what society says we should think or believe or how we should react.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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I cannot give you a perspective from women's but from gay men's. I believe that they are going to be similar though.
Back then as a single gay man, I would AUTOMATICALLY build my wall up once a guy I dated said he was bisexual.
I guess personally the reasons why I did that because:
1. Insecurity from my end. You can admit it or not, guys (straight, gay, bi, whatever) are physically- oriented. Meaning they look and admire what is outside. No matter what, when my partner is admiring somebody else in public, I will have thoughts of jealousy, etc, which unconsciously will be projected as a thought of whether he will cheat with that person he admires. As the result, I will subconsciously try to "compete" with these other guys to make sure my partner will stick with me. It is easy for me to "compete" with these other boys by working out more, getting more buff and cut. It is not easy for me to compete with the girls and grow a vagina.
2. Alot of gays also want their happy endings; i.e., living with the ones they love until the end. If I were in a relationship with a bisexual man, I am afraid he will switch gear at some point. How will I know that he will stick with me to the end? Is he just questioning his sexuality? How if he decides to get married to a woman at some point and dump me? I am pretty sure alot of women will think like that; How if he is actually gay and questioning? How if he is gay and dates me because of the society pressure?
The point is that we all want to have guarantee (although there is no certainty in this world) that our emotional investment will be worth it. And we try our best to eliminate (albeit prematurely) alot of what ifs that are avoidable.
You can look at it as a positive thing. If you are dating a woman, and she is willing to continue the relationship after she finds out about your bisexuality, it means she can accept you for who you are.
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You're talking about your own insecurities. There are gay men in my own family. It was never viewed as a negative in my family. If there was any fall out from them coming out of the closet, it happened before I was born or before I can remember. It was a non-issue. Men and women dating bisexual men are not desperate. Just because you wouldn't do it, has no bearing on what other people do.
