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No question that its not an ideal situation and he should leave, but if he doesn't want to leave and wants to make it work, his only chance to go overboard on the alpha. Right now, she doesn't respect him. She sees him as a weak male who caters to her every whims and desires. Women absolutely loathe that. They hate easy men, men who give women everything they want. Women like her want boundaries, a man who won't take her ****. Its funny because I've literally heard a few women actually admit that they want a man who won't take their ****, a man who reels them in when they get out of line. I wouldn't have believed until I actually heard straight from the mouth of a few females.
Maybe you wouldn't have believed it, but I most certainly don't believe it.
The OP's best approach is to make sure he's safe and then communicate to her that he's leaving her unless she sees a psychiatrist.
I wouldn't tolerate this for a minute. She may not give up until she can have you arrested for assault, even if you didn't touch her. You are at her mercy in any kind of a fight, the law will be on her side. I have been through this and it can get really ugly. I would tell her she needs to go to counseling with you and if she refuses, I wouldn't say another word, I'd just go file for divorce. That may sound harsh, but she can cause you an untold amount of trouble if she wants to. Walk away from any fight she starts, and keep your mouth shut, she can't argue with herself, but if she does you know she has a problem... My wife and I dated for 6 years before we married, by the time we did get married we knew each other pretty well. We never lived together until after we married.
I think her seeing a psychiatrist would be better than family counseling. She's the one with anger and violence issues. Those need to be treated, not the marriage.
You need to have a serious conversation with her about what's happening. Try to point out clear and objective examples of her bad behavior.
Tell her that what she is doing is absolutely unacceptable. If she raises her voice in anger or frustration, simply walk away. Go outside, to the garage, the gym, a friends house, or anyplace you can comfortably stay for a few hours till she cools down.
She may have any number of issues, including hormonal fluctuations that can make life a living hell. Insist that she go to a doctor to discuss what's happening.
Do you want to stay married to her? If so you'll need marriage counseling along with individual counseling for her. If you decide to stay you'll need it as well because living with people like her is impossible. Chances are you will end up leaving anyway, but nothing wrong with trying to work on it however seriously work on it. It's going to take a lot more than just a couple months. This coukd be years of "work." How much can you put up with?
Its funny because I've literally heard a few women actually admit that they want a man who won't take their ****, a man who reels them in when they get out of line. I wouldn't have believed until I actually heard straight from the mouth of a few females.
Why wouldn't you believe that?
I don't like anyone (partner, friend, etc) who just "takes my sh**." How would you respect another grown adult of any kind who just rolled over like a puppy?
Abusing someone like that and being "crazy" are 2 different things.
First - I echo everyone who advised you not to get her pregnant. The last thing that you want to do is bring a child, who has no choice in the matter, into this situation.
Second- I know you're going to hate to hear this, but you're young. So you acted in haste and married someone who you might have not known that well. It happens. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. But - the bright side of it is - is that time is on your side. You can still have the marriage and the family - with someone who is willing to walk that path with you in cooperation and mutual respect. And, if you feel guilty about divorcing because of the oft-cited "'til death do you part", remember this - the vows also include words like "love", "cherish", and "honor". Marriage does not give one person free reign to crap all over the other.
You mentioned that you suggested that your wife seek help, and she claims that she doesn't have a problem. Unfortunately, people who abuse - and yes, your wife is one of them - don't want to be helped, because they feel that they gain too much from behaving abusively. I know that some people suggested marriage counseling, but that often turns out to be unproductive because then the abusive person spends their time deflecting and manipulating the counselor into believing that YOU are the source of all of the problems. Better that you seek help for yourself, so that you have the tools to deal with the situation.
And, I would be remiss if I didn't say - if divorce seems inevitable - get your financial house in order. Protect yourself. And take care.
I think her seeing a psychiatrist would be better than family counseling. She's the one with anger and violence issues. Those need to be treated, not the marriage.
I'm not so sure any of us should be coming to that conclusion. We only know one side of the story.
I'm not saying the OP is being untruthful, I'm just saying that a therapist is the one who should/can decide whether there's more to this situation, and which of them (or both) should continue with therapy.
I'm I doing something wrong in my marriage? I don't know what she wants anymore. Was she always this way?? I wouldn't have married her if I knew this.
Or is something causing this in her? Where is that sweet girl I once met?
satan...is always the root cause of all negativity and things that go wrong in this world. There's only ONE who can destroy him,and heal your wife...and that's JESUS...Pray to HIM...your LOVING HIGHER POWER,and your wife's.
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1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care{anxiety} upon him; for he careth for you.Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
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There is an old rule of thumb that goes back hundreds of years...The woman is supposed to be at least 7 years younger than the male. It is only in recent times with the advent of public schooling that people pair up with their peers. You don't want a woman who will attempt to dominate.
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