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Men over 40 get a LOT of social pressure from other men to date younger. And they may not talk to women friends about the subject, so they don't realise what a turn-off it is to women of all ages.
I think there is a 'habit' factor, too. When I first broke up with my hubby, and once I was ready to date again, I found my eye drawn to men who were the age I was when I was last dating -- ten years earlier.
My eye would skip right over men my own age. I had to consciously retrain myself by, when I noticed some guy was hot, forcing myself to estimate his age, then telling myself, 'too young', and then look back over the room or wherever I was and specifically look for guys my own age.
Heck, I still do this, many years post-divorce . I know now from experience that I do not actually want a relationship with a man in his late 20s, no matter how mature for his age he is.
Guy friends I have talked to have had very similar experiences, with the pre-marriage age habits, and the trying it and finding it doesn't work, and the learning through experience that they can only have a satisfying relationship with someone their own age.
I have my theory and that is because many people divorcing got tired of the person they had sex with for years and wanted a hot body. This is going on what I have seen but never experienced.
I think I need to break this down by my age, and I will count older as anyone who is more than about 10-15 years older than I.
Under 21: No direct hits, more like comments about appearance (wow you have really nice......) every few weeks
Mid-20s more or less: Indirect come-ons or flirting. "You need a man who will take care of you and treat you like a princess" or offer to buy stuff, brag about their car. Flaunting how "established" they are. Happened around every 2 weeks depending on how often I was "out."
Now: 100% direct come-ons; every few weeks.
I have also narrowed down a little pattern. If I decide to wear, let's say a Michelle Obama like outfit, then more older men will flirt directly. Their approach will match their outfit. If he is wearing a suit, it will be something respectful. No suit, then it will be a sketchy comment.
If I am wearing something that is more casual or looks a little "younger," then if older men hit on me, it will only be the sketchy ones. But less older me hit on me in those outfits.
It would likely to be good to note that my age is generally perceived to be quite a bit younger than my actual age. These days, I get pegged at about 27 or so...if I am in a professional setting. Less if it isn't. In the past year people have put my age anywhere from 24-29. [After some conversation, I usually get a few bonus years, but I have yet to have anyone put me over 30]
Up until I was 25, people rarely thought I was even 20 (or old enough to get into the bar).
Basically in my book, anyone hitting on me who when I was under 25 and looked older was definitely super sketchy, because I looked like a high schooler or first year college student.
Then it's my opinion that they shouldn't be screwing girls who are young enough to get pregnant but that's just me.
That's my experience too. I was 21 too, and was with a man ten years older than me for four months. He played himself to be this nice guy, he had all this varied work experience, and he could talk about himself and his hobbies like no tomorrow. He was from out of town, doing time in a halfway house and we rode the same bus to our workplaces. He turned out to be verbally abusive and blamed everybody else for his problems. He was always trying to rush our relationship, sneaking around to spend time with me, and trying to get me to move in with him when he got out of the halfway house. As soon as he left town I ended it. There's no way at 29 I'd enter the same situation like that, but at 21 I didn't know I guess.
Sounds like my story, except he wasn't in a halfway house (but should have been because he was an alcoholic and drug addict). He blamed me for everything and told me I should be lucky he dated me because no one else would. This was right after a terrible breakup, which did make me think this was true. He criticized everything and was extremely verbally abusive. He made me stop hanging out with my friends and to hang out with his friends (who were his age). He would tell them I was a you know what (begins with s)and I was a horrible person. He rushed the relationship big time.
Well I know a 26 year old man who wants to date me but I'm taken so whatever.
Okay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
Besides, I'd go to brunch with an old man if he pays.
We split the check. She's a liberal, educated, professional woman who wouldn't dream of having someone else pay her way. (I tried more than once when she was unemployed for awhile. Even then she didn't like it.)
I have my theory and that is because many people divorcing got tired of the person they had sex with for years and wanted a hot body. This is going on what I have seen but never experienced.
This wasn't the case with me. I was happy with my ex's body, and I don't find younger ones more attractive. It really was just habit for me.
My boyfriend is 9 years older and even that at times seems too large. Luckily he is a young 51 who hasn't experienced much in life, otherwise we would have little in common. For me at 42 15 years is 57 and the idea of dating an average 57 year old makes my skin crawl.
So 51 = boyfriend material and 57 = makes your skin crawl. That's a rather arbitrary place to draw such an extreme distinction. There's nothing wrong with setting such specific limits for yourself, of course, but surely you don't assume that to be the norm.
Most dads wouldn't be crazy about an eighteen year old daughter being asked out by a thirty year old, even if she is an adult.
He was livid and one time a former coworker his age hit on me. My dad told him to leave me alone of he would shoot him (and knowing my dad I have no doubt).
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. I know now from experience that I do not actually want a relationship with a man in his late 20s, no matter how mature for his age he is. 
