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First off, no one owes you anything after two dates. I would have just said "I don't think we're going t be a good match". Secondly she DID, a rather lengthy one in fact...
He still hasn't said what he wrote to her, but anything that is "intense" has no place after 2 dates. He scared her off, and she was decent enough to write him a lengthy letter that she did to want to continue, which again after just 2 dates, was more than she needed to do.
Again it is not "dumped" as 2 dates does not equal a relationship.
^^^^ x 1000.
I think her letter was sincere and honest, she said why she was backing away, and just because he doesn't like the end result doesn't make any of what she did the wrong thing to do, mean or malicious.
It gets tedious when people interpret a simple, "I don't think we're right for each other" as leaving room for debate. They need to take the damn hint and move on.
Well, you already know I think you need to disclose your disability. Other than that, I would take out this: "I am not into mind games, I don't need your drama." which makes you sound bitter IMO. I always put what I DID want, and not what I didn't. Negativity like that was always a turnoff to me when I was doing online dating. 3rd, I think the part about your job woes is going to turn off some women, and again, I think you should focus on getting that part of your life fixed before you look to date.
Mostly though, it was not the ad that hurt you with this date, it was that you got way too intense way too fast. I think talking about love after 2 dates, putting your heart on your sleeve and opening up in emotional detail about the woes you face is NOT appropriate after a couple of dates, regardless of what kind of connection you think you felt. I also still feel you are going to have a hard time connecting with people who don't share your disability and should consider seeking someone more similar to yourself. It seems in writing you come off fine, but admit in person you come off as "strange". You have to know that most normal women are not going to want to bring a guy home or to her friends that comes off as "strange", and it IS going to be harder for you to find someone on your level socially. That is why I was encouraging you to seek others in the same boat.
I know may come off as harsh, but I am really trying to help you so that you aren't here 3 years from now posting about how judgmental women are and how you can't meet anyone.
Well, you already know I think you need to disclose your disability. Other than that, I would take out this: "I am not into mind games, I don't need your drama." which makes you sound bitter IMO. I always put what I DID want, and not what I didn't. Negativity like that was always a turnoff to me when I was doing online dating. 3rd, I think the part about your job woes is going to turn off some women, and again, I think you should focus on getting that part of your life fixed before you look to date.
Mostly though, it was not the ad that hurt you with this date, it was that you got way too intense way too fast. I think talking about love after 2 dates, putting your heart on your sleeve and opening up in emotional detail about the woes you face is NOT appropriate after a couple of dates, regardless of what kind of connection you think you felt. I also still feel you are going to have a hard time connecting with people who don't share your disability and should consider seeking someone more similar to yourself. It seems in writing you come off fine, but admit in person you come off as "strange". You have to know that most normal women are not going to want to bring a guy home or to her friends that comes off as "strange", and it IS going to be harder for you to find someone on your level socially. That is why I was encouraging you to seek others in the same boat.
I know may come off as harsh, but I am really trying to help you so that you aren't here 3 years from now posting about how judgmental women are and how you can't meet anyone.
Did you watch my YouTube videos?? The girl I date doesn't have to have aspergers. Hopefully in much much less than 3 years from now I will have found someone.
I've read the entire thread and I think a lot of folks on here have given you some great advice. I wholeheartedly agree with focusing on yourself first before adding someone else to the mix. For example,
1. Double-down on becoming 100% independent. I know you are in search of a stable job - focus all of your energy into this. Once you land that job, make a game plan on moving out of your parents' place. (If you do have some sort of an income now, are you paying them any amount of rent?) You may need to move in with a room mate to achieve this, especially in LA, and it sounds like you are not keen on the idea but most folks starting out do need to have a room mate or two for a period of time. It can be a very positive experience - get to know the folks prior to signing the lease.
2. You have mentioned a couple of times that you have a goal to lose weight. Slimming down should only help your chances of meeting women - set a weight/timeline goal and make it happen!
3. You mentioned that you have a therapist. Conquer whatever issues you are going through with them and become emotionally and mentally healthy. (This is not in relation to your AS or CB, I'm talking about being able to be happy with yourself.)
I think once you tackle these items first you should then be ready to bring someone else into the mix. People in their 30s typically don't want to date someone who is a "project", meaning that they want a guy who's got it figured out, independent, and isn't too needy. (Not saying that you are needy but just putting it out there as a red flag for women.) When you are in a committed relationship with someone you do lean on one another for support and inevitably people are going to go through rough patches but you have to start out from someplace healthy to build a solid foundation for the relationship. Food for thought: why would a woman choose a man who is unemployed and lives at home in his 30s who might be a really great guy when she can choose another really sweet guy who has an apartment of his own and can support himself? Clarification: I'm not talking materialistic items here.
When you are starting to look for a woman, do be upfront with your AS and CP. It is important to start a relationship out with honesty and trust - you don't need to bring it up within the first 5 minutes of a date but you should give her a head's up. Some women will think it's no big deal but others might find it difficult to cope with - why waste both of your time by delaying this? Also, have you thought about trying to date women with the same condition(s) as yourself? It would probably take a lot of pressure off and you'd already have at least a few things in common.
I've read the entire thread and I think a lot of folks on here have given you some great advice. I wholeheartedly agree with focusing on yourself first before adding someone else to the mix. For example,
1. Double-down on becoming 100% independent. I know you are in search of a stable job - focus all of your energy into this. Once you land that job, make a game plan on moving out of your parents' place. (If you do have some sort of an income now, are you paying them any amount of rent?) You may need to move in with a room mate to achieve this, especially in LA, and it sounds like you are not keen on the idea but most folks starting out do need to have a room mate or two for a period of time. It can be a very positive experience - get to know the folks prior to signing the lease.
2. You have mentioned a couple of times that you have a goal to lose weight. Slimming down should only help your chances of meeting women - set a weight/timeline goal and make it happen!
3. You mentioned that you have a therapist. Conquer whatever issues you are going through with them and become emotionally and mentally healthy. (This is not in relation to your AS or CB, I'm talking about being able to be happy with yourself.)
I think once you tackle these items first you should then be ready to bring someone else into the mix. People in their 30s typically don't want to date someone who is a "project", meaning that they want a guy who's got it figured out, independent, and isn't too needy. (Not saying that you are needy but just putting it out there as a red flag for women.) When you are in a committed relationship with someone you do lean on one another for support and inevitably people are going to go through rough patches but you have to start out from someplace healthy to build a solid foundation for the relationship. Food for thought: why would a woman choose a man who is unemployed and lives at home in his 30s who might be a really great guy when she can choose another really sweet guy who has an apartment of his own and can support himself? Clarification: I'm not talking materialistic items here.
When you are starting to look for a woman, do be upfront with your AS and CP. It is important to start a relationship out with honesty and trust - you don't need to bring it up within the first 5 minutes of a date but you should give her a head's up. Some women will think it's no big deal but others might find it difficult to cope with - why waste both of your time by delaying this? Also, have you thought about trying to date women with the same condition(s) as yourself? It would probably take a lot of pressure off and you'd already have at least a few things in common.
Good luck.
You are probably right. One of the reasons the girl dumped me is because I'm a 32 year old male who lives with parents and doesn't have my career together.
Even roommates in LA are expensive like around $800-$900 a month to rent a room.
I will wait until I can afford my own apartment. I'm better off living at my parents 6 bedroom house in a safe area with a indoor parking garage for my car rather than renting a room with strangers for $800-$900 a month.
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