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I know what you said. men, for the most part,don't care how much work a woman has invested in her career. it is about as sexy as a man who has invested a lot of work in his baseball card collection.
In other words: a woman's career achievements = man's baseball card collection
I imagine you are right about DC men's priority, I'm not disputing that.
and no I don't think it is about baseball cards.
My point is the OP should have no apologies for rejecting men who trivialize her achievements while they take advantage of hers because they don't have the motivation to achieve.
It just means a womans career usually isn't that important for a man when looking for a partner.
A man isn't gonna start swooning over a woman because she is a succesful lawyer or something like that.
Even if there are more single women than single men in an area, how many of those single women actually want a man? I'd say only a small minority do.
Meanwhile most single men do want a woman.
Depends on the definition of "want". Yes, most single men want a woman to hang out with occasionally, and have sex frequently. Beyond that....they certainly seem to be swearing off of marriage and committed relationships. There are dozens of threads on here about that.
Depends on the definition of "want". Yes, most single men want a woman to hang out with occasionally, and have sex frequently. Beyond that....they certainly seem to be swearing off of marriage and committed relationships. There are dozens of threads on here about that.
I don't think this forum represents reality.
Men not only do the proposing, they do the pursuing right from the beggining. So obviously men do want relationships and marriage.
i've gotta say, this is one of the more theatrical non-sequiturs i've seen
But you can see how his accusing me of being the reason why the divorce rate is so high? And you can't see how his divorce has made him so angry with women that he's taken to making "alimony" part of his screen name? Because when I add two and two, I see an angry man paying alimony to a woman he likely put in the position of not being able to fend for herself once the marriage was over. You know, that whole "You work while I forgo education and career to raise your children" thing, that alimony is based on.
To whoever said something about a biological clock, you're mistaken about so many things about me that I'm not even sure how to address it.
Thanks to the posters for contributing.
And thanks to the reppers/pm'ers. I'd originally wanted you to post on this thread, but after seeing how the males have responded to my post, you've shown that you're wiser in the ways of CD than I am.
The relationship forum is not a cross section of society. It's a niche of people who post on City Data more frequently than others.
I hope someone who isn't sucked into the City Data Relationship Zone reads that bold part.
This is City Data's version of reality, don't take it to heart and no, you're not crazy. Just don't read the relationship forum too much or you will go crazy.
Not really. There's no gold to be had, I just couldn't think of another phrase to capture what I mean.
I'm a female making a decent wage. In this economy, a decent wage is a great wage. I'm sensitive to that, I've been blessed and I'm grateful.
I live in the DC area, and it's not like the men around here are schlumps. They're not. It's just that on CD, I see a lot of men complaining that the females in this town are fat, ugly, conceited, think they're saving the world, looking for an underwear model etc etc. To some extent, I guess it's reasonable for them to feel this way. The females in this town tend to be career oriented and don't really want to mess around with a schlump.
But I don't think this is unique to DC. I think that any female who has invested a lot into herself would like an equally as hard working partner. Most women would have no problem dating a plumber. But they would probably have a problem dating a plumber who relied on craigslist ads once a week instead of one who worked for Rotor Rooter and showed persistence and enjoyment in their career.
And yet, the average female is somehow "bad" for not taking the craigslist plumber out on a date. If the internet is to be believed.
For me, I'm finding the men that I'm interested in, are not interested in me for being me. They're interested in me for being a breadwinner.
I can get them the health insurance their job doesn't offer, I won't ever be unemployed, I have the good retirement plan their job doesn't offer, and I make a wage that allows me a certain life style. Basically, all the things a female used to look for in a male partner, years ago. It's gotten me a bit rattled to be honest. And I don't really like it. It's made me weary of men who are not in a similar line of work. [Men in my line of work are all about career issues, so they're a whole other breed as to what they're after. ]
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination and I've got my own monetary issues. But in this economy, anyone making a decent wage with decent benefits is "rich" when you consider the average living wage in the US anymore.
I'm not sure if it's the economy that's made it this way, or if this is the result of feminism, or something else that has to do with living in an area where so many people are focused on their career. Because no matter how much I earn or how hard I've worked, I'm still just a girl. Just because I can do it on my own, doesn't mean I want to.
I was wondering if there are other females out there who are feeling the male pinch this way? If I'm not the only one feeling this way, could it be that's what creates the uptight and unapproachable female that the men on the internet complain about?
And if I'm the only one feeling this way...
Well then so be it.
Funny how everyone is looking for something different. One reason I broke up with my ex is that she made about double more than me at the time. This lead to uncomfortable dynamics in our relationship.
That's easier said than done in this area. I was just talking to a co-worker yesterday about this... the first thing out of people's mouths in this area (DC area) is usually, "Where do you work" or "What do you do?" Even on dates! This place is so uptight and career driven. It's just common here. And if the OP works for any of the big companies or the government, things like retirement and health insurance are almost common knowledge.
Personally, I can't wait to move out of this area. The only reason I stay is because the schools in Northern Virginia are some of the best in the country... and my Ex lives in the area (which makes co-parenting easier).
I don't think so. It's pretty much common knowledge (or at least has been reported on several times) that the DC area is one of the few places where single women outnumber single men. Here is an article on incomes, gender, with a hint at dating (for reference) Single women love the D.C. area - Washington Business Journal.
Funny how everyone is looking for something different. One reason I broke up with my ex is that she made about double more than me at the time. This lead to uncomfortable dynamics in our relationship.
But why would it?
Income has nothing to do with masculinity.
If you're in a marriage or LTR, you form a partnership. One might contribute income and the other might contribute a happy home.
Which by the way, is what I was meaning in my original post. I want someone who's rowing the boat with me. And rows when I can't, and I can row when they can't. I don't think it's feasible to ask me to do all the rowing while you sit in the shade reading poetry out loud to cheer me on because you know I like poetry. That's not a partnership. That's a load of crap is what that is. Grab a paddle dang it or we'll never reach the shore before the storm hits. I love poetry, but I'd like to read it on shore. Row dang it! Row!
And somehow, to the male posters in CD, that desire makes me a raging feminist responsible for all the divorce in the world, with my (allegedly) soon to be rotting ovaries.
I don't mind the career thing if she's not so smug about, unfortunately I've seen alot of smugness in the medical/therapy profession. For a time it was really bad with the nursing clique.
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