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I was counting marriages in the 'long term relationships' category. Unless, you know, they were not long term .
Of course...but if they're dating again, that generally means they're divorced (unless they're in an open marriage). Do you really know that many people who are divorced from 10 year marriages by age 40? I can think of a few, but not enough to make up a very sizeable dating pool if one were to have that as a prerequisite. I do realize that divorced people often prefer to date other divorced people, though. Maybe this is a case of like-attracts-like, but most of the urban professional single 40-year-olds I come across have never married and have been enjoying the single life, with occasional long-term (meaning 1-3 years or whatever) relationships scattered in among the dating.
On the other hand. A guy loves to get a woman with NO experience.
Speak for yourself. I haven't been with a virgin since maybe age 24 or so, and have no desire to be. Give me a woman who knows what she's doing any day.
Of course...but if they're dating again, that generally means they're divorced (unless they're in an open marriage). Do you really know that many people who are divorced from 10 year marriages by age 40? I can think of a few, but not enough to make up a very sizeable dating pool if one were to have that as a prerequisite. I do realize that divorced people often prefer to date other divorced people, though. Maybe this is a case of like-attracts-like, but most of the urban professional single 40-year-olds I come across have never married and have been enjoying the single life, with occasional long-term (meaning 1-3 years or whatever) relationships scattered in among the dating.
I am lumping togehter marriages and unmarried LTRs, because folks I know IRL don't tend to make the distinction much.
And yeah, IME, it is exceedingly rare to find someone that age who hasn't had at least one relationship of around 10 years in duration. I'm sure it's just a demographic thing.
It's doesn't sound enjoyable at all to me. It sounds very sad.
I've seen some women here say that they wouldn't date a guy who is inexperienced. Why?
How on Earth would they know you are inexperienced?
Attraction happens very fast. Quite bang/bang. So, once a woman typically gets to know you well enough to find out about your sexual past (or lack thereof) you should have already gotten your yes or no.
And then if you've made out with her and she finds out and decides to break the deal later, at least you gained some experience.
More typically, a guy feels a woman won't date him because he has no experience and 'she can intuitively tell', but the truth is she won't date him because he's unattractive and that causes him to have no sexual experience. It's more correlation than causation.
Basically, my advice to you is to keep approaching and they won't know. If they really try and yank it out of you before you can make a move, you can maybe fib a bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Yes, absolutely. The only men I have known in that situation (no physical contact with the opposite or same sex) by their mid-20s or later have autism, cognitive impairment or some kind of life-crippling mental illness.
Men who have not kissed a woman by mid-20s are either mentally impaired or have a life crippling illness?
Wow. What an absolutely brutal, unforgiving view of life. I'm absolutely speechless.
Speak for yourself. I haven't been with a virgin since maybe age 24 or so, and have no desire to be. Give me a woman who knows what she's doing any day.
I am lumping togehter marriages and unmarried LTRs, because folks I know IRL don't tend to make the distinction much.
And yeah, IME, it is exceedingly rare to find someone that age who hasn't had at least one relationship of around 10 years in duration. I'm sure it's just a demographic thing.
Perhaps. Do you live in a suburban area or small town, maybe? I did tend to encounter more divorced people (usually with kids) when I lived in those types of areas than I do in the city. Even then I don't know that many of them were in their marriages for more than 10 years, though. That would have to mean they started the relationship in their 20's and only recently ended it, in order to have done all that by 40. That's a rather specific set of circumstances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
It's doesn't sound enjoyable at all to me. It sounds very sad.
To me it's far sadder to have made and broken a lifelong commitment than to have not yet found the person with whom you want to make that commitment, but again I suspect this is just a matter of different experiences and perspectives. If I were on the other side of the fence I might see it differently.
ITT The line between a legit mental diagnosis and merely being out of the norm is very blurred and up to opinion and observation.
Yes. But the line is pretty clear when your mental illness or impairment is crippling your ability to perform rudimentary functions, like forming basic social connections with other humans.
Men who have not kissed a woman by mid-20s are either mentally impaired or have a life crippling illness?
While the language might be a bit harsh, I don't think that's totally off-base. At the very least I would expect some severe social anxiety and/or really poor social skills.
How on Earth would they know you are inexperienced?
The same way you can tell if you doctor or electrician or attorney has actually trained for their profession or is faking it .
Years of healthy relationship experience shows, as does years of sexual experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
To me it's far sadder to have made and broken a lifelong commitment than to have not yet found the person with whom you want to make that commitment, but again I suspect this is just a matter of different experiences and perspectives.
So, they want to find a partner but just haven't? They have been searching for 20+ years? When you said they were 'enjoying the single life', I thought that meant they did not want longer relationships.
Where I live, people rarely get married even if they are together for 20 years and have kids together. And, sure, it's pretty normal to get into a relationship in your mid or late 20s and have it last until your mid 30s.
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