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If you've decided for sure that you don't want children, getting the vasectomy is a great idea. No surprises. When your dating, I wouldn't bring it up at all. Why? If a relationship gets to a conversation about marriage, then its time to talk, since women often are interested in marriage and children as a kind of package deal.
When your dating, I wouldn't bring it up at all. Why? If a relationship gets to a conversation about marriage, then its time to talk, since women often are interested in marriage and children as a kind of package deal.
You can safe waste/alot of time if you bring it up early on. You really want to fall in love with somebody, date for a while and then ask the question and then maybe break up over it? Wayyy to stressful.
I usually bring the children question up before I even kiss somebody.
If you get to meet somebody new, you ask "have you been married before", then next "do you have children?" "No? Never wanted any or just not the right partner?".
To me, the purpose of the first date is just to decide if you want a second date . Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
To me, the purpose of the first date is just to decide if you want a second date . Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
Excellent, very sensible advice. And good for you, OP, for approaching women IRL in Seattle. I'm sure they appreciate it!
Bringing up your no-kids preference will help you weed through all your dating options and find the women out there who share your preference. And they're definitely out there, in Seattle. That said, though, I want to add you never know, you may change your mind at some point. My brother was solidly in the no-kids camp, and when he got married, his wife agreed. After some years, though, her hormones started pushing her to have kids, so the issue was reopened for discussion, and he reluctantly went along to keep her happy. Well, the kids are grown now, and raising them was an extremely rewarding experience for him. So I'm just saying--you never know.
But go ahead and get the vasectomy (they're reversible), but don't rely on that as the sole method of birth control, because I've heard of cases where even the vasectomy failed to prevent pregnancy.
Good luck, OP, and keep us posted re: your new life in Seattle.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-12-2013 at 09:09 AM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
If you are doing online dating, that's easy -- put it in your profile. Screen out the girls who want babies.
With someone you met first IRL, I'd say second or third date, not first. Unless she mentions wanting kids on the first date (I have dated guys who did this).
To me, the purpose of the first date is just to decide if you want a second date . Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
This would be the post I tend to agree with. First date, no. But 2nd or 3rd is soon enough to avoid attachment if ya'll indeed differ on this issue.
This would be the post I tend to agree with. First date, no. But 2nd or 3rd is soon enough to avoid attachment if ya'll indeed differ on this issue.
I rather like the idea of bringing it up in casual conversation before a first date so I don't waste my money and time cause let's face it, date nights are expensive and I would prefer to find out a women's stance in children before I open up my wallet for a casual date. But I know that's not always possible, hence why I like the online dating aspect, I can filter out unwanted characteristics, no guessing involved. But that also has its own issues....
I rather like the idea of bringing it up in casual conversation before a first date so I don't waste my money and time cause let's face it, date nights are expensive and I would prefer to find out a women's stance in children before I open up my wallet for a casual date.
Consider the option of having 1st dates that don't require a major expenditure, or any expenditure. There are many options in Seattle: spending an afternoon in the conservatory and climbing the water tower to enjoy the view in Volunteer Park on Capitol Hill, then going for coffee afterwards; renting a canoe at the UW boating center (picnic lunch--optional); walking/biking/skating around Greenlake (summer: stopping for a swim--optional); walking around the UW Arboretum; hiking around Discovery Park or attending an event at the Native American center there; a couple of hours touring the Seattle Art Museum with a visit to Pike Place Mkt for snacks or lunch; and many more possibilities.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-12-2013 at 10:16 AM..
I"ll be turning 34 mid next year and plan on having a vasectomy to finalize my decision on this.
I think I love you! I wish I met more guys like you where I live. For those dates where you haven't met the woman online, I'd give it a few dates before discussing kiddos. See if you have chemistry first. You are a very smart guy to get a vasectomy and not allow any female to trap you.
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. Then the purpose of the next few dates is to decide if you want to try out a relationship and see how that goes. So that's the time to bring up any dealbreakers. And before sex!
