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Well, I think you could sort of ease into this if you don't want to go the brutally honest route. Something along the lines of, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Don't deliver it like a job interview; it would need to naturally be worked into a conversation. Then if she says married with kids, you then have a natural opening. I agree that it should be sooner rather than later, but probably not on the phone before you even set up the first date.
ETA: I appreciate your desire to be honest. There's nothing worse than to find out a year or two or three into a relationship that you and your SO have opposing views on the child issue. It's not one that allows for compromise (you do or you don't have children).
I want kids but if do not finish college If I not do not deserve to be a dad. My job I am at now will not be good enough to feed a family. It is cool if you do not want kids and think it a good idea to let it be known so no one wasting each others time.
Fairly quickly, I'd guess...third date at the latest if you see dating turning into something more long term.
Me and my guy talked kids on our..second date I think. Both of us are 'meh' abouts kids and not in either camp solidly. I do think we're both leaning towards childfree though.
This is one of the great advantages of online dating. Online, the kids-or-no-kids discussion occurs in the e-mail interchange period before the first date. If there are unpleasant surprises, the first date is obviated, and one moves on, without feeling pressure or ill-will. In real-life, where the initiation of the date is based on physical attraction of chance interaction, core-values questions such as reproductive choice will become conversation-topics during the physical date. If one feels strong attraction to one's date, but worries about causing affront if too soon sharing an unorthodox opinion such as desire to remain child-free, the result is "stringing along" one's date, possibly leading to emotional hardship for both. But with online dating, the winnowing happens before the first physical touch - fast and simple.
you do not have a dog cuz your to drunk to pull out.
That would be hilarious!
'Honey, how'd this dog get in the house? What's it doing curled up on our couch? Oh, d*mn!'
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
If one feels strong attraction to one's date, but worries about causing affront if too soon sharing an unorthodox opinion such as desire to remain child-free, the result is "stringing along" one's date, possibly leading to emotional hardship for both. But with online dating, the winnowing happens before the first physical touch - fast and simple.
I always mentioned it on the third date. Often enough, a wailing child in the vicinity provided the perfect segue for me. I'd say something like, "And that is why I don't want children."
Sounds cold and blunt, but it leaves no room for debate. My attitude was that if the guy thinks I'm a beyotch, we're not right for each other, but if he high-fives me, we're onto something.
I don't have to worry about it anymore, though. That's one of the benefits of being in one's 40s. It's not even a discussion.
I don't think a woman needs to know you got or are going to get a vasectomy unless you're discussing birth control or she flat our doesn't believe you about not wanting kids. As you and I both know, some people can't even comprehend not wanting children, hehe.
For myself, I try to bring it up asap. Preferbly on the first date or before. A good segue is your sister's twins. Or children around you (strangers that may be irritating). But then again, I'm pretty blunt. I'll ask the guy if he has kids and if he wants any, so I can rule him out or not. I don't believe a guy should have to buy me dinner, only to find I don't want kids and he does.
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