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Something I've always wondered: If FWBs are just two people who make each other feel good with no commitment, no meaning beyond the physical, why do people expect someone who has a FWB right before them to be exclusive only to them?
Does the meaning of sex between the two friends change all of a sudden? Why can't/won't they be having sex even if one of them is in a committed relationship with another? After all, it's only physical. What's the new guy/girl so worried about?
The only issue with the gf is that she pretended to be someone she wasn't. Based on that deception, the OP treated her differently than he would have, if she didn't pass herself off as a "nice" girl. Just because she can claim sleeping with someone else is technically not cheating, doesn't mean she didn't deceive the op. The OP should from now on not assume anything and ask new girlfriends if they are dating or having sex with anyone else.
The OP should from now on not assume anything and ask new girlfriends if they are dating or having sex with anyone else.
Lol, sad that he would have to do that though. I imagine he would ruin his chances with a few keepers because they would find the latter half of that question offensive...
To answer TinaWina:
"you really don't know anything other than she had sex (you think) with some guy right away and she didn't have sex with you right away. Apparently (you think), she put him out to pasture for you" YES and YES
"she told you she never has casual sex and that's why you had to wait, or something along those lines. If that was the case she lied through her teeth" YES. She never actually said she never has casual sex but I got all of the "i'm not that kind of girl" routine
Okay! I consider that the crux of the issue. If she told you something like she doesn't rush into sex while indeed doing so with someone else, then she was wrong. Even if it was just a one night stand she regretted, she should have not let you believe something that wasn't true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontyMan
"If you start being spiteful just to hurt her then you are being childish" YES but so what? I feel like a fool
I know you are hurt, but it's not going to solve anything. This is like women who find out some guy was cheating on them so they sleep with his best friend or slash his tires or something. It just makes a lot of drama over someone not worth the trouble.
Which is not to say she isn't, because you still haven't confirmed anything. But even if its true... why drag it out? Tell her you're pissed and why, then move on.
There is nothing wrong with having your own personal standards for women you deal with, so I think it's fine you don't want to deal with her anymore. I'm just not in favor of lying in any form. The truth here is that you are hurt but you don't want to TELL her that, you just want to get back at her. It would be one thing if you wanted to date other women because you didn't want a commitment, but you actually did want one with her and now you are mad and just want to revenge by sleeping with other women while talking her past her comfort zone sexually.
Don't let one person cause you to lower your character. She'll go away, but you have to live with you.
And going forward, have the talk about values and exclusivity up front.
Lol, sad that he would have to do that though. I imagine he would ruin his chances with a few keepers because they would find the latter half of that question offensive...
All you have to say is, "So, are you seeing anyone?"
Is it really that hard for people to talk about these things?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
Lol, sad that he would have to do that though. I imagine he would ruin his chances with a few keepers because they would find the latter half of that question offensive...
It will. The smarter thing is to realize it isn't your business until you enter a committed relationship with them. Anything you or they do before you're exclusive is not your concern, and instead of asking about past practices go get tested together.
All you have to say is, "So, are you seeing anyone?"
Is it really that hard for people to talk about these things?
Actually, the first question gives a person such as this girl a loophole very easily. "Seeing" means relationship or at least dating. FWBs are neither in a relationship (beyond the sort regular friends are in, anyway) nor dating.
Idk how "hard" it would be to talk about it; my only point is that I think a lot of women would be offended by the question. I don't think most women go around having casual sex or anything like that, and a good portion of those women specifically find it wrong or distasteful. And it's odd enough to ask this that the woman may think you are implying she specifically seems like that type of girl.
Actually, the first question gives a person such as this girl a loophole very easily. "Seeing" means relationship or at least dating. FWBs are neither in a relationship (beyond the sort regular friends are in, anyway) nor dating.
I agree completely.
Giving "names" to things like FWB implies you're compartmentalizing your behavior, and thus can wiggle out of a question about exclusivity. Kinda like a guy can say he's exclusive because "it's just oral. It's not sex"
It really makes the question, "so are you seeing anyone seriously?" turn into an unseemly and complicated Q&A period.
She was making you wait for something that she was giving to some other dude without commitment. A better question for you to be asking is, "where did my self respect go?" Bottom line is she is a liar. Only you know if you want to be with a liar. I sure don't.
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