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Lets just say for conversation sake the FWB is 100% happening with the women the OP is dating.
Is it wrong for the OP to downgrade the relationship, and yet pursue dating and sex with her ? They are both having fun, right?
The OP doesn't have to sell the LTR concept. He can just date her. Isn't that mind of what she is doing ? Or is it different because the FWB is a FWB, but the OP in the womans eyes is worth a LTR with?
But if a guy IS LTR, material, why sell him the idea she doesnt do such FWB type things, even though she had?
I don't know if the OP is necessarily wrong for continuing to date her casually.
If he lies and makes it seem like a LTR is inthe future, then lieing is bad. But if they casually date moving forward, who is to say that two adults can't have casual fun ?
In post #162 he says:
Quote:
Since I don't care any more there's not much to lose so I want to have as much "fun" with her as possible until it ends. Sooooo I'm gonna push for some "stuff" that she has shied away from trying with me up to now because "she's not that kind of girl" etc, etc - gag.
So yes, I think it's wrong. He's no longer interested in her but he's going to take advantage of her as a way to get revenge for his bruised ego. If you feel someone was a jerk to you, the answer is never to be a bigger jerk in return.
To answer 14Bricks: You know, once again, I have to repeat that I've always respected women. But the delusional comments from some of them here really does confirm your comment. Mod cut: Personal attack.
And thus the double standard has shown itself in the last few responses. As soon as the man does it, it destroys the power that the woman had over him.
Forget the fact that the OP's GF might have had a FWB or not. It is irrelevant to the discussion now. The OP and his GF are not exclusive, they haven't had the exclusivity talk and the relationship is undefined.
He is therefore free to see her and anyone else of his choosing, and is also at liberty to decide how much information the GF can have about what he does when they are not together. Since they are not exclusive, she is not entitled to that information. All of a sudden the OP is a bad guy in the minds of many in the thread because of a double standard.
Nope.
What was said was, if she actively deceived him she was wrong.
If she didn't, then he's just hurt when he has no right to be.
The problem here is, he's not finding out (or at least he's not telling us) IF she really deceived him. He hasn't even heard from her mouth what her relationship is with this guy.
He can do what he wants. He always could. They haven't made anything solid yet.
However, he's now just out to hurt her to prove a point. AND, he hasn't even talked to the girl honestly to find out what is actually going on.
That kind of thing is stupid IMO.
I mean... you need to give me something to go on OP. You said you knew this girl for 6 months? Has she been with this guy for 6 months? Was she seeing him at one point and stopped? Do you even know?
Were you falling in love with her? You are sure acting like it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontyMan
To answer JustJulia: It took us 2 months to get intimate. We've dated (if that's even the word) for about half a year.
Okay, this helps. So you waited for 2 months. Has she been sleeping with the other guy since she's been sleeping with you? Or did she cut him off months ago?
So the timeline is:
1. You meet a girl
2. Around the same time she meets some other guy (UNCONFIRMED)
3. Somewhere during the 2 months she slept with the other guy and not with you.
4. At some point she starts sleeping with you
5. 4 months later you found out the other guy existed (or is he still in the picture?)
6. You are hurt because you really liked her and she slept with someone else during the 2 months.
I couldn't be with a woman who was screwing another guy while dating me. It's just, ick.
Not that I believe in love at first sight and think just meeting me would've made her put the other guy's thing down; but it is pretty tacky. I mean, don't people still give a quick kiss at the end of those first few dates?
Aren't guys - heterosexual guys - just a little repulsed at the thought of kissing a girl who may have had- well, you know where I'm going.
Ta answer Timawina: I don't know exact timing or exact details. I'll assume that she stopped seeing him. The information I got was that when we started dating she was doing some other guy she just met. Like I said, tonight there will be an amiable, kool conversation and I'll ask some questions in a completely non-judgemental manner. She may answer or she may not. She may answer with truth or with lies. Who knows?
Thing is, she's a hottie, so I want to really have some edgy fun before it all ends. Very selfish on my part - yeah I know! But hey!!!! Remember, as so many of you continue to point out, we're not exclusive!!!
I'm too lazy to read all of the thread, that I will admit - plus I have plans. But I did want to chime in on something I hadn't seen mentioned yet. OP, you stated that exclusivity was not discussed, which is fine, but did you think that maybe she was using the FWB to fulfill her needs precisely because he was a friend - someone with whom she has had a "getting to know" period with and trusts to be on the same level?
I'm not a fan of the FWB situation; I have seen it end in too many bad ways, but at the same time if a woman is really in need of sexual contact why wouldn't she pick a man she knows and trusts already vs. jumping in to a new sexual encounter with someone she is just getting to know? Honestly, I think she should learn to deal with that need on her own if she is serious about someone, but perhaps her thought was. "I like this guy, but I'm not ready to go there yet - and Joe Schmo I know and I really need a ......"
Basically, if the situations were reversed I would be upset and probably not want to be with the man anymore, but without the "discussion" it's a moot point on if you have a "right" to be angry. I would just move on if it bothers you - but don't give it anymore negative energy.
Ta answer Timawina: I don't know exact timing or exact details. I'll assume that she stopped seeing him. The information I got was that when we started dating she was doing some other guy she just met. Like I said, tonight there will be an amiable, kool conversation and I'll ask some questions in a completely non-judgemental manner. She may answer or she may not. She may answer with truth or with lies. Who knows?
Thing is, she's a hottie, so I want to really have some edgy fun before it all ends. Very selfish on my part - yeah I know! But hey!!!! Remember, as so many of you continue to point out, we're not exclusive!!!
Maybe you guys could agree that you could be the next FWB? Haha! Just be honest with her and I think you'll be fine.
Hey everybody. I can't believe all the responses. Can't say I've read all of them in detail, but I have skimmed and I WILL read them all in detail later. It seems that a bunch of folks actually see things my way. Thanks!
Anyway, before I give yesterday's events I want to make two points: First, and for the last time, we have to this day not had the "exclusivity conversation." Second, I got the information about her FWB from a rock solid person - it's for real.
OK, so here's how it went. I actually played it completely differently than I thought I would before I came to this forum. I absolutely did not confront her. I decided to play it as cool as possible.
After dinner at her place we were chit chatting when I casually brought up the name of her FWB. I’ve only met the guy in passing a couple of times (she met him I think just after she met me) so it shouldn’t have surprised her. She got a bit flustered and I asked her about him. She said she didn’t know much and that he was a guy she met thru friends. Anyway, I said something like “don’t dig yourself into a hole. I’m cool with everything.” She didn’t know what to say. So we finished our drinks and then I showed that I was in the mood for sex. We did, but she wasn’t herself. Anyway, afterwards, I was all smiles when I left.
So my plan is this: Many women here are of the opinion that she did nothing wrong since we didn't talk about exclusivity. OK. So be it. That means she is perfectly within her rights to go and do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. Who knows? Maybe she is. BUT, that also means that I am perfectly within my rights to do whatever I want to as well.
And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Before I left her place last night she made some feeble comment like asking me if I wanted to talk about anything. I said no, everything is cool. So, come hell or high water, I will not have the exclusivity talk with her. And until she finds out about my new side fun, I will see her as a FWB. If / when she does find out, I will: a) point out that we never had the exclusivity talk, and b) point out that she did the same thing.
Now I know she wants us to move in together and to get serious. So I really have the upper hand here. I have no intention whatsoever of moving in together or of getting (any more) serious. I iz jus gonna have me some fun. When I came on the board yesterday I was wavering – I really was. The reaction of many women here really has opened my eyes on how completely deceitful a woman can be AND get approval for it. I guess the clincher for me was when I got called a big bag of douche. I know I am not. I have actually been respectful of women all my life. And that was probably my problem. Like one (male) poster suggested, I should act more *******y, less LTRish and I'll get laid more and with less headaches.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do. The fun continues tonight. We're going to get together again. I'm gonna push it a bit. If she's a real "lady" maybe I'll get my face slapped. If she "ain't no lay-dee" she'll go with it. Bets anyone?
Yesterday I was angry because I realized that I've been played (as many of the men here say). Today I am actually kind of smug if I'm going to be honest. And you know what? It feels OK.
I have a question. It looks like Personality and maybe finances are is not the problem here. She could probably careless if she sleeps around with a child rapist on an Amber Alert. Anyhow it looks like physical attraction is at play here. She met her FWB after she met you! That is something. I known women that were in FWB but once they met a man that they find physically attractive all bets were off and FWB were or was tossed aside. If she did not find you attractive she is gonna have to get to know you in order to like you which takes some time for plenty of women to do depending on the environment she lives like in urban areas. But any how does she find you physically attractive or appealing?
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