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A lessening of the sex drive and does it impact the drive for a relationship.... IDK..... I think in some ways it may make a guy become more "honest", maybe more of a connection, mentally, or spiritually, instead of just trying to get some steady.... you know what......
IDK.... just shooting from the hip.... the flip side is now without the desire to break off some, he might shine women more.... IDK
Sorry, didn't help much, I guess.
LOL, it did, believe it or not. Help I mean. I have felt a strong sense of honest connection with him, but with my past experiences I just don't really trust myself much anymore. There is a really strong part of me that is wondering if he's even free to be in a relationship with me b/c he might already be in one. The only real thing I have to go on there is that when he goes out of town to see his kids or once he went to his home state for five days and I didn't hear from him in that time--not even a stray text. Thus why I'm cautious here and not ready to hop into bed too quickly. How does one find out though? I tried googling and didn't turn anything up on him at all. Nothing about anything. (and yes, he told me his middle name)
LOL, it did, believe it or not. Help I mean. I have felt a strong sense of honest connection with him, but with my past experiences I just don't really trust myself much anymore. There is a really strong part of me that is wondering if he's even free to be in a relationship with me b/c he might already be in one. The only real thing I have to go on there is that when he goes out of town to see his kids or once he went to his home state for five days and I didn't hear from him in that time--not even a stray text. Thus why I'm cautious here and not ready to hop into bed too quickly. How does one find out though? I tried googling and didn't turn anything up on him at all. Nothing about anything. (and yes, he told me his middle name)
I think you should just ask him. Men are normally fairly straightforward -- you can generally tell if they are lying or not sincere. If you scare him away with your questions, then so be it. It's not meant to be and you will have your answers.
I have been lurking here for a few years and have been following your posts (not in a stalkerish way , and have noticed that you are very level-headed and have great instincts -- I really look forward to reading them. Sure there have been set backs, we all have experienced them, but you have learned from them. I too have been burned like in your last relationship and I'm very cautious to protect my heart as well. Sometimes I don't trust my instincts because of past experiences…. that's why I continue to read CD. But I have decided that I am better in a relationship than not in a relationship and I will take some risks to get there.
Ask him the right questions, protect your heart and live life well.
I think you should just ask him. Men are normally fairly straightforward -- you can generally tell if they are lying or not sincere. If you scare him away with your questions, then so be it. It's not meant to be and you will have your answers.
I have been lurking here for a few years and have been following your posts (not in a stalkerish way , and have noticed that you are very level-headed and have great instincts -- I really look forward to reading them. Sure there have been set backs, we all have experienced them, but you have learned from them. I too have been burned like in your last relationship and I'm very cautious to protect my heart as well. Sometimes I don't trust my instincts because of past experiences…. that's why I continue to read CD. But I have decided that I am better in a relationship than not in a relationship and I will take some risks to get there.
Ask him the right questions, protect your heart and live life well.
Wow Liberated, I am very touched by this. It just goes to show that we sometimes have friends we don't even know about. I had just about decided I'm going to do exactly what you say. When or if I see him on Sunday, I'm just going to pop right out with that question and watch his reaction carefully. He doesn't seem like he'd be a good liar so we'll see. I'm like you though--I'm better in a mediocre relationship than none at all but I'd rather be in a relationship with someone wonderful. If he cancels Sunday, I'll probably pull out of this b/c I can't imagine that he's interested at all if he does.
I think I have my answer. Sunday is cancelled though not his fault--it's the several inches of snow and ice on the ground. I did write him an email today and told him nicely that if he is married or otherwise in a relationship he should stop writing and since he has usually written by now, I'm guessing I won't be hearing from him again.
Ugh, I just don't get why people do that--they hurt others terribly and sometimes they hurt themselves--I still have a man texting me on all the holidays after I dumped him when I found out he was married. He was very hurt by it but it served him right. I mean, I can almost see it if you meet someone and can't help yourself, but for a married person to go on dating sites and actually start a "relationship" of sorts with someone is behavior lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. Also, do they think you're not going to find out eventually? I guess they're hoping that by then she'll be so in love that she'll stay.
I think I have my answer. Sunday is cancelled though not his fault--it's the several inches of snow and ice on the ground. I did write him an email today and told him nicely that if he is married or otherwise in a relationship he should stop writing and since he has usually written by now, I'm guessing I won't be hearing from him again.
Ugh, I just don't get why people do that--they hurt others terribly and sometimes they hurt themselves--I still have a man texting me on all the holidays after I dumped him when I found out he was married. He was very hurt by it but it served him right. I mean, I can almost see it if you meet someone and can't help yourself, but for a married person to go on dating sites and actually start a "relationship" of sorts with someone is behavior lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. Also, do they think you're not going to find out eventually? I guess they're hoping that by then she'll be so in love that she'll stay.
Thanks guys, I'm glad we didn't get to have our Sunday date and it certainly explains why he was so unavailable even though he talked like he was totally interested. There were times I'd notice that he'd text me all evening and then for several more days I wouldn't hear from him except for maybe an email. Or the other night he was supposed to call but next day said he'd passed out all evening from being sick, but then the next night he just wanted to text but never mentioned a word about calling. That's what made me suspicious.
Latest update on this: I did see him again and asked him the question about being married and watched his reaction carefully--I worded it to include SO's. I'm now pretty sure he's not but I put an end to this the other day b/c of the fact that he's still in the dating pool--we never were exclusive yet. With everything I have going on it will just be too painful if he finds someone else to date and writes me the "dear stepka" letter. I told him that it's b/c everything just hurts worse right now. He agreed and said that he's been holding back b/c of the distance and that we should not try to date right now.
So, that brings me to this: I'm thinking that a man would drive 5 hours, at least sometimes, to see a woman if she was the right woman. Am I right? I wouldn't be going on like this except that there was more spark there (for me anyway and it seemed for him) than with anyone I've ever gone on a first and second date with. Or am I just projecting something on someone who barely knows me? Well it matters not since I ended it, but I keep thinking about it b/c it's easier on my mind than the other crap I have to deal with right now.
Latest update on this: I did see him again and asked him the question about being married and watched his reaction carefully--I worded it to include SO's. I'm now pretty sure he's not but I put an end to this the other day b/c of the fact that he's still in the dating pool--we never were exclusive yet. With everything I have going on it will just be too painful if he finds someone else to date and writes me the "dear stepka" letter. I told him that it's b/c everything just hurts worse right now. He agreed and said that he's been holding back b/c of the distance and that we should not try to date right now.
So, that brings me to this: I'm thinking that a man would drive 5 hours, at least sometimes, to see a woman if she was the right woman. Am I right? I wouldn't be going on like this except that there was more spark there (for me anyway and it seemed for him) than with anyone I've ever gone on a first and second date with. Or am I just projecting something on someone who barely knows me? Well it matters not since I ended it, but I keep thinking about it b/c it's easier on my mind than the other crap I have to deal with right now.
Well, I have certainly BTDT, your last sentence. How are things going, anyway, healthwise?
As for the 5 hours / right woman question, I dunno. That is a LONG drive. I am not sure you can measure his enthusiasm by that.
But you may not really be in a place for dating, right now.
I've experienced instant chemistry and attraction on a first date before so I don't think you are projecting at all, it does happen. However, you do have lots on your plate right now and your emotions are ultra sensitive.
Find other things to occupy your mind if you can. I'm having trouble with my guy right now so I know it can be difficult, those christmas carols are now driving me crazy . If you want to, go on the dating sites, but keep it light-hearted and fun. Flirt outrageously, but don't engage.
You're a beautiful person, both inside and out and you deserve so much more. Be good to yourself.
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(and yes, he told me his middle name)
, and have noticed that you are very level-headed and have great instincts -- I really look forward to reading them. Sure there have been set backs, we all have experienced them, but you have learned from them. I too have been burned like in your last relationship and I'm very cautious to protect my heart as well. Sometimes I don't trust my instincts because of past experiences…. that's why I continue to read CD. But I have decided that I am better in a relationship than not in a relationship and I will take some risks to get there. 
