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I am suggesting that people sometimes use the word "preference" as a euphemism, to cover up what is really a prejudice.
A true preference allows for flexibility. I may have a preference for rice, but I will still eat potatoes if no rice is available. Or, I might have a preference for Latina women, but I wouldn't turn away a white woman if we really hit it off.
But often, people don't use the word "preference" in this way. They use the word "preference" when they are really referring to absolute deal breakers. Nine times out ten, the guy who says he has a "preference" for slim women doesn't mean he would still date a larger woman if she was really sweet and charming. He means he will not date larger woman, period. That is his right, of course. But it is a not a "preference."
What does it really matter at the end of the day??
It sounds like you're arguing semantics, what ever word they use, they are gonna do what they want to do.
Social lubricant, ie, using words that are less charged like 'preference' is what really is at play here.
Last edited by Chowhound; 02-14-2014 at 10:04 AM..
Attraction is not a conscious choice. It doesn't matter if youre 100 or 600 lbs, if you only find extremely skinny women attractive, this is who you are going to be attracted to. And of course this is not gender specific and goes both ways, in fact for every human being who ever lived. If you don't think so, try talking a person out of being attracted to someone by providing them with logical reasons.
Not that it really matters, really. If your preferences or standards or way above what you are capable of attracting, youre simply going to either lower your standards or be single. Its a perfect self resolving deal. A lot more interesting is the phenomena that some people choose to have an issue with it. Now we're getting at something worth debating.
Preferences are preferences, of course. And some preferences are, in fact, racist (sexist, any other "ist" you can think of). Saying, "Hey, just my preference," doesn't safeguard you from being a racist (or whatever). You just have racist (or whatever) preferences. It "just being a preference" isn't a disclaimer.
You can have a preference but when you insult the group you are not attracted to it show a lack of class. "If you don't have anything nice to say to someone its better to say nothing at all".
Preferences are preferences, of course. And some preferences are, in fact, racist (sexist, any other "ist" you can think of). Saying, "Hey, just my preference," doesn't safeguard you from being a racist (or whatever). You just have racist (or whatever) preferences. It "just being a preference" isn't a disclaimer.
They are racist if they are negative or disparaging ideas or thoughts that are geared toward or are inclusive of a given race or used to restrict access to life liberty etc etc.
Basically all the bad stuff.
Me saying I don't usually date Asian women isn't racist.
If I followed that up with some kind of slur and disparaging comments toward the entirety of Asian people, well that's just nasty and racist.
good thing relationships require two consenting individuals. why do you care what other people are doing? if you're skinny and someone doesn't like skinny people why in the world would you want to date them anyway?
if one's expectations really are out of line then the dating market will show them that quickly. then they can choose to either be alone or compromise.
I was brought up to believe that decent human beings occasionally question their own motives and cross-examine their own attitudes. I was taught to ask myself, from time to time, am I being fair? Am I being reasonable? Am I being selfish?
Sometimes, it seems to me people try to get around doing this kind of introspection by using the phrase, "it's just my preference."
So, for example, the 54-year-old, 300 lb. man with a bald head and high blood pressure who only wants to date slim, sexy 20-somethings with long, wavy hair isn't a delusional hypocrite--that's just his preference.
Or, the white woman who categorically refuses to consider dating a black man regardless of what kind of person he is isn't a racist--that's just her preference.
Does anyone see what I am getting at here?
No. In case one, I wouldn't call that hypocrisy, even if it's unrealistic. As Dr. Phil says "we can chose our choices but not our consequences". If he finds he has no dates, or can only date a 10 who is unusually non-shallow, then so be it.
For your second point, er.. is it some law of the universe like gravity or thermodynamics that a person MUST date a black man?
I get the issue is that you and many others are "offended" at others' choices. Look, stop being a ***** and accept you can't control what others do, think, feel or say. I'd imagine you're a grown man and you get "hurt" others don't like you romantically or sexually lol.. well perhaps it's that beta attitude that lets you down. We ALL (no exceptions) must accept/know our place in life, no matter what form that "place" is...
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How about if she looked like a man, you know a tom boy?
