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Thanks for the answers so far! They are interesting to read and it's nice to get some insight.
The big issue I have with having to initial everything from breaking the ice to asking out is that I did do this during my last relationship. I broke the ice, made the first moves, made the dates, came on to him, and initiated our first sexual encounter... and I ended up being really into the guy too, but it turned out he wasn't all that into me. I was a "fun distraction" and he kind of went along with it because he had no other prospects. I ended up wasting several months on him and am still trying to "Get over" him.
So after being burned (in that respect) I am even more on guard. I don't want to risk wasting months of time on another fickle man. It would be nicer if men would just reject upfront instead going along with everything for the distraction. It's the difference between yanking off a bandaid and slowly pulling one off forever. But that doesn't seem to happen. Hence the conundrum for me (and I think other women as well) I want men who are really interested in me to make a move too... but so many of you pointed out a shy guy might not make a move even if he is interested.
I'm really sorry that his happened to you .
And I understand the temptation, believe me, to think that the solution is to make the guy pursue you, to show he is really into you.
But that doesn't address the real problem. The real problem is that the guy you were dating has no integrity. It doesn't matter what you do -- plenty of guys without integrity will spend ridiculous amounts of time and effort chasing a woman just because they like the challenge.
The real solution is to find a more direct way to assess a man's ethics, and to find the men who won't do something hurtful because they are not interested in hurting people.
So tell me, if it were you and a woman walked up to you, smiled, flirted and initiated a conversation with you and showed interest in you; and you in turn found her to be attractive and you were interested in her, would you ask for her number?
EDIT: Sorry, typo in the poll question AND it got cut off. And I can't seem to edit/fix it. And a typo in the subject line. Ugh. Time for afternoon tea! Hopefully you get the idea.
That never happens though. And I mean never.
What might happen is that I go to a mixer and some woman might come up and introduce herself, but she is obviously just wanting small talk because after a while, she is looking around for somebody better to talk to. Another thing that happens is that I end up talking to somebody and then it happens they have a boyfriend or husband.
I will use almost any opening to ask for a woman's number. So, more realistically, if I approach a woman during a mixer, and she seems at least to be having some kind of a good time during our conversation, I'll escalate and ask.
But to answer your question, if a woman approached me, it'd be a no brainer.
I think a decent gesture would be to offer the guy your phone number.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
I could ask her for her number. But who knows if it is real or not. A woman could talk to me but that doesn't mean she likes me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
I'd date a "2" that asked me out over a "7" that was talking with me and waiting for me to ask her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by techcrium
A woman gives me her business card, I discard it immediately.
So many men in this forum are always complaining about being dateless, and resent having to approach women. Yet when a woman approaches you, you can't even take it to the next level and ask for her phone number? Unbelievable.
If the woman is attractive to you, and she takes the initiative to talk to you, but you can't take the next step, it seems like you're looking for excuses to not date. So stop coming here to complain when you're the ones shooting yourselves in the foot.
What might happen is that I go to a mixer and some woman might come up and introduce herself, but she is obviously just wanting small talk because after a while, she is looking around for somebody better to talk to. Another thing that happens is that I end up talking to somebody and then it happens they have a boyfriend or husband.
I will use almost any opening to ask for a woman's number. So, more realistically, if I approach a woman during a mixer, and she seems at least to be having some kind of a good time during our conversation, I'll escalate and ask.
But to answer your question, if a woman approached me, it'd be a no brainer.
Oh it happens. To certain guys. In fact, it happens to certain guys A LOT. Maybe he is teh hottest guy in teh room. Maybe he is in a band. Maybe he is, you get the idea.
Either way, I have seeen these guys not even try, and women pursue them. It's an interesting dynamic.
Thanks for the answers so far! They are interesting to read and it's nice to get some insight.
The big issue I have with having to initial everything from breaking the ice to asking out is that I did do this during my last relationship. I broke the ice, made the first moves, made the dates, came on to him, and initiated our first sexual encounter... and I ended up being really into the guy too, but it turned out he wasn't all that into me. I was a "fun distraction" and he kind of went along with it because he had no other prospects. I ended up wasting several months on him and am still trying to "Get over" him.
So after being burned (in that respect) I am even more on guard. I don't want to risk wasting months of time on another fickle man. It would be nicer if men would just reject upfront instead going along with everything for the distraction. It's the difference between yanking off a bandaid and slowly pulling one off forever. But that doesn't seem to happen. Hence the conundrum for me (and I think other women as well) I want men who are really interested in me to make a move too... but so many of you pointed out a shy guy might not make a move even if he is interested.
What you explained here is just about what most guys go through.
Not to say women don't reciprocate after being pursued, but you kind of did a role flip here.
You were aggressive, pursued a guy, and went out of your way to show interest in him.
Unless a guy is really hot, or really something, what you explained here is what many guys will go through probably 50 to 100.
I think it is great you were willing to extend your self there. BBUt dealing with fickle people is part of dating. Just choose a better guy to extend yourself to next time.
So many men in this forum are always complaining about being dateless, and resent having to approach women. Yet when a woman approaches you, you can't even take it to the next level and ask for her phone number? Unbelievable.
If the woman is attractive to you, and she takes the initiative to talk to you, but you can't take the next step, it seems like you're looking for excuses to not date. So stop coming here to complain when you're the ones shooting yourselves in the foot.
Calm down honey. Have you ever initiated a conversation with a guy before just for the sake of talking to someone without thinking about dating them. Lots of women do. Some people are naturally chatty.
You can't win. If you take every women who ever initiates contact with you as a sign of interest then you are labeled a desperate loser. If you take every situation like this as a sign of someone being friendly then you are still labeled a loser.
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Hopefully you get the idea.
